What would you tell your loved one if they attempted suicide?

[Un-]

Something like this recently happened. I told her that as long as she thought of it carefully.. Then she should do it. And that if she were to do it, then she should do research. If she requested sources, or even this website, I'd give it to her.

Yeah, it sucks, a lot. It hurts. But, heh.. What's there to be done? I couldn't be convinced out of it. She has the same mindset that I do.
What would you guys say to your loved one?

 

[hamvil]

Current me would probably try to understand the reasons behind such a choice. I would try to avoid false positiveness but I would also try to provide a different perspective. I am not sure if I would provide the link to this forum. I think everybody should discover this on his/her own. At the end of the day if this is what he/she wants to do I think I would be fine with it and if he/she has success I would envy that I little bit.

 

[Foresight]

I don't think I could be with an anti-choice person at this point in my life. I'm too deep in the ethics of it to relate to someone who doesn't understand. I know telling a partner is not always appropriate given certain repercussions that can happen. It feels awful to be on receiving end of that conversation. The fear and grief is real. I would be very scared and sad if my partner came to me but I respect his autonomy completely. I would never guilt him to suffer for my sake.

I told my husband I was slipping down and it was a difficult but necessary conversation. When I go I know he'll likely go too. I'll probably be around for awhile in that case because he guards me from harm at the moment.

 

[FuneralCry]

I always believe that if someone wants to ctb it's their decision. Nobody should be forced to exist against their wishes and no one else should have any right to interfere. Existence can be so awful, pointless and cruel and to me it's perfectly understandable why people want to leave. I know that it can be painful for those left behind losing someone but after all we will all die eventually, grief and loss are a part of life and if someone wants to exit a time of their own choosing rather than their death being out of their control, then there is nothing wrong with that.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I hope I would tell them that they could tell me anything if it would help to tell someone the reasons. I have a horrible feeling I would cry- partly empathy I guess because we all here know how bad it is to feel like this but they would be selfish tears too if I'm honest because I would miss them. I think I would say it was their decision though and that I personally believe we all have the right to make that decision and it ought to be respected.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't think I could be with an anti-choice person at this point in my life. I'm too deep in the ethics of it to relate to someone who doesn't understand. I know telling a partner is not always appropriate given certain repercussions that can happen. It feels awful to be on receiving end of that conversation. The fear and grief is real. I would be very scared and sad if my partner came to me but I respect his autonomy completely. I would never guilt him to suffer for my sake.

I told my husband I was slipping down and it was a difficult but necessary conversation. When I go I know he'll likely go too. I'll probably be around for awhile in that case because he guards me from harm at the moment.

Has he expressed that he'd kill himself after you did?

 

[Foresight]

Has he expressed that he'd kill himself after you did?

Yes, he did. I offered to leave behind a life insurance policy and wait until that can go through with the policy rules. He declined it and said he'd rather go too if I made that decision.

 

[Cathy Ames]

If one of my loved ones attempted and survived it, if they were up for it, I'd (maybe) ask what the reason was. I'd tell them I'd be willing to listen or sit with them quietly in whatever they were going through (only if it was true, of course). I'd also, hopefully, tell the person how much they meant to me, tell them I loved them, try to make amends/apologize for anything I had done that had hurt them, try to resolve anything still unresolved between us, etc.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Yes, he did. I offered to leave behind a life insurance policy and wait until that can go through with the policy rules. He declined it and said he'd rather go too if I made that decision.

That sounds like a very difficult situation to be in, though it doesn't sound like his feelings on the matter would keep you from CTBing (not that they necessarily should). I think it's best to be able to have this conversation, no jatterr how painful, with people who can receive it before you go. To be able to get a greater sense of closure. would want to if the tables were turned. It's just so rare that people are able to receive it (reasonably) well.

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

Something like this recently happened. I told her that as long as she thought of it carefully.. Then she should do it. And that if she were to do it, then she should do research. If she requested sources, or even this website, I'd give it to her.

Yeah, it sucks, a lot. It hurts. But, heh.. What's there to be done? I couldn't be convinced out of it. She has the same mindset that I do.
What would you guys say to your loved one?

I'd say "Wanna be ctb partners?"

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

It depends on the person and their circumstances… I met somebody here who was clearly on the wrong medication and I urged her to avoid ending things before she tried different options… She changed her medication and traveled elsewhere and last I heard was much better… Other people I've met have struggled for years and years in torment and I might not offer them the same advice…
I would probably advise most young people to radically alter their circumstances and try every other possible option before ending their life…

 

[theboy]

It sounds paradoxical, but I would advise it

 

[ge0rge]

If one of my loved ones attempted and survived it, if they were up for it, I'd (maybe) ask what the reason was. I'd tell them I'd be willing to listen or sit with them quietly in whatever they were going through (only if it was true, of course). I'd also, hopefully, tell the person how much they meant to me, tell them I loved them, try to make amends/apologize for anything I had done that had hurt them, try to resolve anything still unresolved between us, etc.

all of this!

 

[hellispink]

I would try to help them change their situation, only if they express that they want help or if it has options. If they wish to leave, I will respect them. It would hurt me deeply, yes. But I can't keep them here for my sake and I would expect them to respect my wishes to leave too.

 

[jodes2]

I'd probably be upset they didn't tell me. I'd wish they'd have partnered with me to ctb

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I would offer all of the warmth and compassion I am capable to muster, because I understand that the feeling one gets after failing an attempt is one of the darkest, most painful forms of despair one can experience. I'd offer to be with them and listen if that is what they want, reassure them that I care and I want to be there for them, and would occasionally check on them for a while even if they prefer to be alone. When they are comfortable with it, I would offer to sit down, discuss what is hurting them so much and explore the options that might make their pain go away, without pressuring them into necessarily doing what I believe they should, just seeing what can be done. I'd offer all moral and practical support I can. And if we conclude that nothing works and they just want to go, I'd offer to be their CTB partner and/or to help them explore more reliable and painless ways out. I'd probably let them know that on an emotional level I would really want them to stay, but of course I do not wish to see them suffer horrible pain.
Damn I wish I had a loved one I could talk to about my own CTB intentions...

 

[Nolife62]

If one of my loved ones attempted and survived it, if they were up for it, I'd (maybe) ask what the reason was. I'd tell them I'd be willing to listen or sit with them quietly in whatever they were going through (only if it was true, of course). I'd also, hopefully, tell the person how much they meant to me, tell them I loved them, try to make amends/apologize for anything I had done that had hurt them, try to resolve anything still unresolved between us, etc.

I don't mean to be cruel, but the way I read that, at the end of your statement you made it about you and not about understanding the other persons pain.

Remember it's about them and their decision and not about you and the guilt you may feel.

 

[Cathy Ames]

I don't mean to be cruel, but the way I read that, at the end of your statement you made it about you and not about understanding the other persons pain.

Remember it's about them and their decision and not about you and the guilt you may feel.

The question was about what the reader would do, and I described what I would do.

 

[Nolife62]

The question was about what the reader would do, and I described what I would do.

What you described in the start of your post was nice, but my comment was based on the ending of your statement, and I meant no disrespect

 

[Cathy Ames]

What you described in the start of your post was nice, but my comment was based on the ending of your statement, and I meant no disrespect

I would like to suggest that you should maybe stay on topic rather than hijacking the thread to criticize me.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

don't mean to be cruel, but the way I read that, at the end of your statement you made it about you and not about understanding the other persons pain.

Remember it's about them and their decision and not about you and the guilt you may feel.

I see why you might feel this way, but I think what @Cathy Ames would do makes sense and it is not necessarily a bad thing. I think I would really appreciate if a loved one would take their time to achieve closure to our relationship when they would find out that I want to CTB - I think if the relationship we shared was important to both of us, then this would also be about both of us. For me, the biggest issue with not being able to tell the few people that really matter to me about my CTB intentions is the desire to achieve closure, let people know they matter to me and resolve all that is still unresolved between us - and the anxiety that this kind of "goodbye talk" might alert them about my intentions and they might get worried and try to intervene. So I can absolutely see how what @Cathy Ames described would be very kind and loving, especially if there isn't much the other person can do to convince their loved one not to CTB.

 

[Nolife62]

@Cathy Ames said ", tell them I loved them, try to make amends/apologize for anything I had done that had hurt them, try to resolve anything still unresolved between us, etc."
This is the part of her statement where I said it's not about her. The reason for my statement is, obviously the person she's talking to loves her enough to explain themselves and say goodbye and they're not blaming her for their decision.
If she starts apologizing for"what ever" then the other person will have to explain it has nothing to do with her and again in my opinion the only purpose of that part of the conversation is too make Cathy feel better.
One more time, the other person already loves you and doesn't feel you owe them an apology.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

The reason for my statement is, obviously the person she's talking to loves her enough to explain themselves and say goodbye and they're not blaming her for their decision.

One more time, the other person already loves you and doesn't feel you owe them an apology.

I see where you're coming from, however, I don't see how we can draw this assumption directly from the question that is being asked here. The question isn't even "what would you do if your loved one would tell you they want to CTB?", it's "what you would do if your loved one attempted CTB and survived?" so that kind of trust and lack of hard feelings is not necessarily a given in the situation that is described here. In fact, if the person already attempted, then for whatever reason they had no intention to explain themselves and say goodbye.
I'm not saying that I really believe that apologizing for whatever you've done wrong in the past can change the mind of someone who really decided to end their life - because it's either whatever you've done wrong isn't really the sole reason for the person's suicidality so making amends isn't going to fix their life, or if you really fucked up so badly you made someone decide to end their life over what you've done then I'm afraid you're beyond just saying "sorry" to patch things up. But I think making amends and letting go of any hard feelings between the two of you would be a positive thing, regardless of whether the person ends up recovering, or if they are still set on CTB, because isn't a feeling of closure before you go a good thing?

 

[Nolife62]

I see where you're coming from, however, I don't see how we can draw this assumption directly from the question that is being asked here. The question isn't even "what would you do if your loved one would tell you they want to CTB?", it's "what you would do if your loved one attempted CTB and survived?" so that kind of trust and lack of hard feelings is not necessarily a given in the situation that is described here. In fact, if the person already attempted, then for whatever reason they had no intention to explain themselves and say goodbye.
I'm not saying that I really believe that apologizing for whatever you've done wrong in the past can change the mind of someone who really decided to end their life - because it's either whatever you've done wrong isn't really the sole reason for the person's suicidality so making amends isn't going to fix their life, or if you really fucked up so badly you made someone decide to end their life over what you've done then I'm afraid you're beyond just saying "sorry" to patch things up. But I think making amends and letting go of any hard feelings between the two of you would be a positive thing, regardless of whether the person ends up recovering, or if they are still set on CTB, because isn't a feeling of closure before you go a good thing?

You're absolutely right, until you requoted the thread, and I re-read it and inadvertently added my interpretation of it. So @Cathy Ames I apologize for misinterpreting what I read

 

[Euthanza]

I'll look into the method, details and help.

 

[Astronauta]

O que lhe trouxe até aqui ?
Posso fazer algo para que mudei de ideia?
Sinto muito por isso!

 

[Cryptonite]

If my girlfriend wanted to suicide and there was really no other option for her to stop suffering, I'd support her. No matter how heartbroken I would be.

 

[imcurious]

I'm pretty pro-choice but when it comes to a loved one, I feel as pro-life as any vehemently liberal New York Times author. I think it's because I don't have a lot of loved ones in my life. I'll cherish them as they come--and go.