I never met this grandfather. I don't know that much about him. He was married to a severely bipolar woman that was often on drugs and cheated on him. So he probably wasn't a great Nazi ideologue. But I rather imagine him to be an opportunist. He told his children this story with this horse and the bullets. He didn't live long. I think he died early in the 1970s. Historically, the 1968s generation was the first generation that wanted to discuss the nazi crimes in Germany. Beforehand, most people were in denial and rejected any responsibility. They used Hitler as the scapegoat who just misled them and that they knew nothing about the holocaust. And other lies. Most of them lied to their children about their involvement.
I think I am in some character traits similar to my dad. And we are not courageous at all. From my own introspection and how I perceive my relatives I am quite sure none of us would have the courage to stand up to a nazi regime. Risking getting killed. The grandfather of a friend of mine actually was sort of in the resistance. The dude is even someone known but I obviously don't dox him. I also perceive my friend as more inherently good. Personally, I also I try to be a good person. But I am very much influenced by my friends and traumata. The abuse I went through made me more self-aware and empathetic. I was pretty much a careerist as teenager but this was also caused by domestic violence and pressure. I cannot imagine that anyone from the family of my dad has the personality traits that it needs to risk torture in order to save other lives. I don't see that. He probably had to resist orders in war if he was so principled to kill noone. I cannot imagine that...but I am also not sure whether he would have taken part in the worst war crimes. It is probably hard to tell because it is such an extreme situation.
It sounds like based on your story, he had to Bury trauma he has seen in order to mentally Cope. I'm really sorry to hear your story about him. I don't know if you have a disdain about it, but it seems like you can try to find common connection in his experience?
If I were him in "me" form, I don't know what I would've done. The unfortunate reality is these cultures, ideological values, and political systems, at the time, skewed our humanity. Many people had to conform to survive, not just socially but to protect their families.
All we can do is reflect on our current humanity and find what's left rather than judge the past for our mistakes. That is just another generational trauma cycle waiting to happen.
If WW1 adults f***Ed up WW2 babies, it's not surprising this period was such a dark modern history of wars stretching the century, into the Cold War, Desert Storm, and 9/11 onwards....
It's war that creates the dark traumas of the past while we use it as a tool for societal advancement.
