What would make a person say to another person, “You’ve been by yourself for a long time haven’t you?”

[V0latile]

How would the other person be acting?

This was said to me. I was shocked at their insight.

 

[Are you lost too?]

I don't want this to feel harsh, just what I can think about :

You could have been needy for attention, you could be lacking some common skills in the conversation, you could have been acting awkward, maybe this person saw you were uncomfortable with the conversation, maybe you were too cold and distant, the person who told you this is insensitive...

I don't know if you're close to this person, either way I think it's not a nice thing to say to anyone....

 

[V0latile]

I don't want this to feel harsh, just what I can think about :

You could have been needy for attention, you could be lacking some common skills in the conversation, you could have been acting awkward, maybe this person saw you were uncomfortable with the conversation, maybe you were too cold and distant, the person who told you this is insensitive...

I don't know if you're close to this person, either way I think it's not a nice thing to say to anyone....

What common skills in a conversation are you referring to?

To me that comes across as them being concerned, maybe you look vacant behind the eyes or not responsive in social situations. What was the relationship to the person who said it to you? If it was a close friend I would take it as concern, if it's a love interest I'd see it as them thinking it comes across as romantic and then having some kind of saviour complex, if it was a stranger I'd think it's out of order for them to say.

He's a friend. I was riding in his car and we were talking about whatever. Then he asked me the above question.

I am vacant behind the eyes and often in my head a lot. Why would that indicate long bouts of aloneness?

 

[Are you lost too?]

What common skills in a conversation are you referring to?

He's a friend. I was riding in his car and we were talking about whatever. Then he asked me the above question.

Maybe being natural about it. The opposite being showing you're a little bit nervous, anxious, like showing that's not something you're used to. That's what I meant ! Hope it makes sense

 

[V0latile]

Maybe being natural about it. The opposite being showing you're a little bit nervous, anxious, like showing that's not something you're used to. That's what I meant ! Hope it makes sense

I'm always skittish though regardless if I'm around people or not, but that's due to early trauma.

 

[Are you lost too?]

I'm always skittish though regardless if I'm around people or not, but that's due to early trauma.

I'm really sorry to hear that.
Maybe it's this characteristic that this person picked up...

 

[Jen0804]

I once said this (with love and care) to an elder who was telling me or talking to me about her life stories for hours on end. I loved hearing them, we sat from 5pm to 5am and I listened to everything she had been through from births of her children to death of her husband and everything in between. At the end I hugged her and said to her I could tell she had been alone for so long because of how well she opened up to me, it was almost like she had bottled up so much after keeping it all to herself for so long, it all just came out at once, she poured her heart out to me and I'm grateful to this day

On the other hand, I would be offended if someone said that to me too, or at least puzzled and would want some explanation for their comment

Hugs

 

[Are you lost too?]

P

I once said this (with love and care) to an elder who was telling me or talking to me about her life stories for hours on end. I loved hearing them, we sat from 5pm to 5am and I listened to everything she had been through from births of her children to death of her husband and everything in between. At the end I hugged her and said to her I could tell she had been alone for so long because of how well she opened up to me, it was almost like she had bottled up so much after keeping it all to herself for so long, it all just came out at once, she poured her heart out to me and I'm grateful to this day

On the other hand, I would be offended if someone said that to me too, or at least puzzled and would want some explanation for their comment

Hugs

Oh for sure . You bonded with this person before and had a justified reason.. and was kind.

 

[Jen0804]

Did you ask your friend what he meant by his comment?
I don't feel like it's too late to do so.. Confronting him about it is probably what I would do at this point

Xo

 

[NotForThisWorld]

Insecure people.

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

I am vacant behind the eyes and often in my head a lot. Why would that indicate long bouts of aloneness?

I think the assumption is that people use living inside their head and daydreaming as a way to cope with being alone. I've always tended to live inside my head to a certain extent, but this tendency has certainly been intensified by my depression and loneliness. Still it's a bit insensitive to ask about it that way. Since the person who asked is your friend I don't think they meant to be rude, but sometimes people say things without thinking through them. I certainly do sometimes.

 

[azucaramargo]

How would the other person be acting?

This was said to me. I was shocked at their insight.

It sounds like a come-on to me.

 

[V0latile]

It sounds like a come-on to me.

My friend isn't gay and neither am I.

 

[Are you lost too?]

My friend isn't gay and neither am I.

Besides, I Aso think that would be a terrible pick up line
*waiting for someone to say that's how they met their long years SO*

 

[Chlo]

First thing that comes to mind is maybe appearing a little unkept.

 

[azucaramargo]

My friend isn't gay and neither am I.

Sorry, I missed those nuances. :) I didn't mean to imply anything.

 

[MeltingHeart]

It could be a quite kind, open, sympathetic, perceptive/ insightful thing to say - however it could be also quite cruel, judgemental & v.insensitive thing to say to someone- I'd say it's dependent on the person who said it, their relationship to you, what you had said to them prior to that statement & most importantly the tone in which it was said. I've had people call me strange & weird before - some with cruelty & judgment other with understanding & in a way that made me feel like it was a great quality that made them like me all the more.

 

[wendydong1]

this thread reminds me the first time I sat down with him at a restaurant together in his town. The first words he said to me was "are you shy"..

 

[azucaramargo]

this thread reminds me the first time I sat down with him at a restaurant together in his town. The first words he said to me was "are you shy"..

I hate that guy so much, WD1. I'm sorry.