Boxing up what I don't throw away or destroy, and I guess I will have no real say what happens to them after that..
I hope I am able to fulfill my plan in a somewhat calm manner, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to wait any longer even though there is still so much preparation and loose ends to take care of (best I can).
I just don't want to give my relatives any excuses to disrespect my other wishes with things like "Oh we had to deal with packing up all their stuff or going through it so we couldn't think straight or address the deceased's far more pressing concerns".
I also don't want to be surrounded by my belongings if I end up having to kill myself at home.
I'm sick of looking at it all..the small, clandestine attempts to be a person..and how that's all there ever was, with myself as the sole witness.
I want my room to be pretty much empty, save for the bed..when the time comes.
My apt. is full of trash. With what little energy I have, I've been trying to throw it away. I have nothing worth of saving.
I've been wondering how this goes by the way; when I ctb, will some folks just throw everything away? Will they ask my relatives first? They probably do ask first.
I will write in my note how sorry I am for the trash if it still exists when I ctb. I will write that the money in my bank account can be used to clean this apt. and throw everything away. Like if some company would do it? I quess? I dunno.
Make sure someone you trust will have access to your bank account if that's what you plan on leaving the money for.
Or create a legally binding will/document of some sort.
Also sorry to hear about your predicament, I understand how exhausting it is to organize, clean, prepare..or even complete a basic hygiene routine when we're suffering so much.
Suffering just knocks the fucking wind out of you.
Do what you can and hope who ever is left behind will understand the state you were in, to have to leave things that way.
To be fair, all my stuff can be thrown out. My writing and art should probably be kept. I would come back as a ghost and hunt them if they got rid of it lol
Seems like a lot of people want their artistic works to be their main source of remembrance (if not their pictures or device content).
My fleeting creative endeavors or half-thoughts will never see the light of day so long as I complete my preparations properly.
Nobody would be able to make heads or tails of what was what anyhow.
Difficult to decipher, which would risk misinterpretation…to me, that's worse than invisibility.
Underdeveloped and scattered through barely related ramblings and other hell or banal nonsense. Like needles in haystacks.
Even the things in type format (I can't even read my own handwriting lol).
Most things will only ever be heard or seen by myself (who arguably never saw the light of day either).
I wish I had something I was not embarrassed of, unfinished or too full of doubt to leave behind.
But at this point, I would really just like my existence to be erased entirely..because what
will inevitably end up being left behind is not something I wish to be immortalized.
What will you do with your belongings?
First, the amount of disdain and contempt my family has for me may make them not want to handle my belongings, etc.
So I have been minimizing my life for a long time, and the process continues to this day.
I have only a few pieces of clothing, some electronics, books, and my journals.
I have started the process of outlining how my departure should be handled, but this may not matter when I depart, as I may not have any family left at that time.
What family is left may actually ignore any letter of my last instructions, which means they will let me be buried in an unmarked grave (no need to pay for a funeral for someone they despised).
That said, at least I have so little stuff that it should be easy for them or anyone to deal with.
Did you mean they will ignore your request to be buried in an unmarked grave
or that they will ignore your requests for a funeral so you will inevitably end up in an unmarked grave?
Sorry, I was just curious.
Also very sorry you are in that position, I can somewhat relate (I'm worried about family ignoring requests).
I am actually desperately requesting (I really just want to outright DEMAND) that I have NO funeral, NO public announcement, NO social media commentary or referencing (I'm not on there and I never want to be..in any way, shape or form..I am only on anonymous forums), NO pictures posted or shared, NO wake or event, and I just want to be cremated (body destroyed) and have my ashes scattered far away from all these people who don't give a shit about who I am or what I've had to suffer with.
I do not want to be buried or in a cemetery stuck between other people for eternity..nope.
And I'm not even religious nor do I possess the belief that my consciousness will live on, but I still don't like the idea of my remains being stuck there.
Hopefully this will also result in a cheaper process so if my family disrespects this..it will clearly be about their own reputation, about showing the world they cared about their dead relative (when they don't even know who I am) and keeping to the status quo.
It won't be about me, it will be spitting in my face as well as my remaining privacy and destroying my last shred of dignity.
I hope my body rots long before I am found, so that some of these requests cannot be worked around.
