what will you do/need to get done before ctb?

[sourokraandfish]

Right now I need to get the last of the meds needed and finish my letter to my parents. It's taking a long time. I try my best to explain in length my rationality behind this decision and assure my parents it's not their fault but It seems to not be good enough .....

Then I will finish my really expensive gym membership that my dad paid for. Then I will send a package of all of my favorite books from my bookshelf to the only friend I've been able to be completely honest to.

A few weeks before CTB, I will hang out for the last time with my 2 friends that are currently in the country. After that, I will completely cut contact with all of my close friends. It's best for them to think I've moved on from our friendship. Good thing they will leave for abroad and will not return anytime soon.

A few days before CTB, I will hang out and have food with my parents. I will make sure to cherish every last moment with all of my loved ones.

On the day of CTB, I will wipe my devices. Clean my room. Get rid of the SN container so the ER won't know what I ingested. Prepare my solutions. Then wait for my bus while listening to my favorite Spotify playlist.

 

[sourokraandfish]

Can you share your playlist?

yes:)

 

[FuneralCry]

The thing that is important to me is making sure that the method is successful. Other things would be insignificant to me if I was soon to be no longer existing. I am personally trapped in this world as ctb is difficult for me and I wish that I was leaving soon but it is likely that I will be here for a while yet and that fact is so depressing to think about.
I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you. It sounds like you have everything planned well. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your suffering.

 

[Sasel]

The thing that is important to me is making sure that the method is successful. Other things would be insignificant to me if I was soon to be no longer existing. I am personally trapped in this world as ctb is difficult for me and I wish that I was leaving soon but it is likely that I will be here for a while yet and that fact is so depressing to think about.
I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you. It sounds like you have everything planned well. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your suffering.

Do you suffer from any disabling condition?

 

[la fin de tout]

I want to cash out my 401k completely before I CTB, apply funds towards a funeral so my family doesn't need to worry about it when I'm gone, and use the rest of the money on one last horrible bender, obtaining N and as many other drugs as I can find, drinking as much booze as I can buy, then possibly drunk dial all the people who participated in ruining my life and in turn further sabotage it babbling drunken conspiracies and altercations, maybe grovel and pathetically beg my ex to take me back even though I know it's all over. I think cutting ties with every character in my story more and more helps the personal run of things, so nobody gets too upset when I've left. I have my 70 page e-mail goodbye letter completed with certain asks and bequeaths, I'll need to set a timer to send it out after I CTB, even though I know 70 pages is a lot, probably too much for anyone to read.

 

[FuneralCry]

Do you suffer from any disabling condition?

Health problems have always been part of the reason as to why I am suicidal and I want to escape from this life as I fear this getting worse as I get older. Just the fact that there are so many health conditions that exist is enough to make me want to leave. It is awful how the human body is capable of torturing us. I could never want to live no matter what personally, I simply hate existing and I do not see life as being worth living.

 

[Medicmedic72]

I want to cash out my 401k completely before I CTB, apply funds towards a funeral so my family doesn't need to worry about it when I'm gone, and use the rest of the money on one last horrible bender, obtaining N and as many other drugs as I can find, drinking as much booze as I can buy, then possibly drunk dial all the people who participated in ruining my life and in turn further sabotage it babbling drunken conspiracies and altercations, maybe grovel and pathetically beg my ex to take me back even though I know it's all over. I think cutting ties with every character in my story more and more helps the personal run of things, so nobody gets too upset when I've left. I have my 70 page e-mail goodbye letter completed with certain asks and bequeaths, I'll need to set a timer to send it out after I CTB, even though I know 70 pages is a lot, probably too much for anyone to read.

I have cashed out mine and I am in the process of paying off debt. I have a policy that will take care of expenses. There are some immediate family members that have no school debt, so I am creating an account for that in the future. I have cleaned and vaccuumed my place. I have thrown away all the food in the fridge and have only a water filter in it. I would get rid of my furniture if I could find a way. I am ready, I am just waiting for the information to hit the attorney to complete my information.

 

[Sasel]

Health problems have always been part of the reason as to why I am suicidal and I want to escape from this life as I fear this getting worse as I get older. Just the fact that there are so many health conditions that exist is enough to make me want to leave. It is awful how the human body is capable of torturing us. I could never want to live no matter what personally, I simply hate existing and I do not see life as being worth living.

I see, Im really sorry to hear that

 

[sourokraandfish]

The thing that is important to me is making sure that the method is successful. Other things would be insignificant to me if I was soon to be no longer existing. I am personally trapped in this world as ctb is difficult for me and I wish that I was leaving soon but it is likely that I will be here for a while yet and that fact is so depressing to think about.
I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you. It sounds like you have everything planned well. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your suffering.

Thank you:) I'm quite nervous but also excited at the same time. Thinking about death has always brought me comfort and peace. It's the process of dying that I dread. I hope your suffering will end soon too. You seem really nice. It hurts to see that so many people are subjected to such a tremendous amount of pain without proper support or safe and peaceful means to alleviate them.

I want to cash out my 401k completely before I CTB, apply funds towards a funeral so my family doesn't need to worry about it when I'm gone, and use the rest of the money on one last horrible bender, obtaining N and as many other drugs as I can find, drinking as much booze as I can buy, then possibly drunk dial all the people who participated in ruining my life and in turn further sabotage it babbling drunken conspiracies and altercations, maybe grovel and pathetically beg my ex to take me back even though I know it's all over. I think cutting ties with every character in my story more and more helps the personal run of things, so nobody gets too upset when I've left. I have my 70 page e-mail goodbye letter completed with certain asks and bequeaths, I'll need to set a timer to send it out after I CTB, even though I know 70 pages is a lot, probably too much for anyone to read.

I also left some money and specifically asked in my letter for my family to just cremate me and not hold a traditional funeral, which not only lasts so many days and costs a ton with many unnecessary funeral rites. There is also an annual DEATH ANNIVERSARY with a memorial service that my parents have to hold. Not only this will just make it harder for my parents to deal with my death, I also do not wish to have people kneel in front of a picture of my big ass face displaced on an altar (well, guess the latter doesn't really matter when I'm dead lol)