Discussion What will they say after you ctb?

[Isadeth]

Do you ever wonder what others will say about you after you're gone? I often wonder.

Everyone loves you when you're dead.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I think people will be very, very sad. I've always been a bit of a teacher's pet - they've always liked me too, though. I've gotten pretty close with some of them and we've had some amazing and insightful discussions. They'll probably feel pretty bad because they didn't notice things have been so bad, or because I didn't open up to them. You know how people tend to feel guilty. My coworkers will probably understand that this is why I like working in the ER so much, because I can really relate to our patients who are suicidal and like being a person that they can just talk to, and hopefully feel validated afterward from (awkward wording, my apologies). My friends will hopefully be expecting this, so I hope they're not too shaken up or hurt. My family will be devastated. My parents will feel horribly guilty and likely fall into depression, my brother will be hurt, my uncle will likely be angry and upset (because we've talked about suicide before).

But...I just can't keep suffering and being such a damn burden and a waste. It's so painful. I would love to just kill myself soon, but I have to wait so things like my parent's anniversary aren't ruined by my suicide.

 

[Dead beat dad]

Irresponsible p****...

Sad though... Wanna watch Love Island?

We need to recruit a new guy...

I think that about sums it up
DBD

 

[Isadeth]

I think people will be very, very sad. I've always been a bit of a teacher's pet - they've always liked me too, though. I've gotten pretty close with some of them and we've had some amazing and insightful discussions. They'll probably feel pretty bad because they didn't notice things have been so bad, or because I didn't open up to them. You know how people tend to feel guilty. My coworkers will probably understand that this is why I like working in the ER so much, because I can really relate to our patients who are suicidal and like being a person that they can just talk to, and hopefully feel validated afterward from (awkward wording, my apologies). My friends will hopefully be expecting this, so I hope they're not too shaken up or hurt. My family will be devastated. My parents will feel horribly guilty and likely fall into depression, my brother will be hurt, my uncle will likely be angry and upset (because we've talked about suicide before).

But...I just can't keep suffering and being such a damn burden and a waste. It's so painful. I would love to just kill myself soon, but I have to wait so things like my parent's anniversary aren't ruined by my suicide.

The guilt aspect is absolutely dead on. It's sweet of you to wait and prolong your own suffering so you don't risk the possibility of ruining your parent's anniversary.

Aside from my family and friends grieving, I expect the local gossip if word gets out... but it'll settle down eventually. Then I'll only be remembered by my method when/if ever brought up in conversation.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. ♡

 

[somniummalum]

I think at first everyone will be shocked, but as people are they will just live their pathetic lives on in few month

 

[Isadeth]

Irresponsible p****...

Sad though... Wanna watch Love Island?

We need to recruit a new guy...

I think that about sums it up
DBD

That's fairly harsh as far as responses go. :( I wish we could view how we're gonna be remembered, or if we're remembered. Also, what others would say regarding us. It really bugs me when people pass and everyone jumps to be the "best friend" then later they never mention them again.

 

[EGR92]

They'll all of a sudden 'care' but they were never there when i was alive, suffering and begging for their support. I hope my death hurts everyone that fucked me over, including my family.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Probably the obligatory "he was a nice person, he'll be missed" but aside from that not an awful lot, because outside of a small friend group and my family I don't speak to anyone. Some people just think of my as a weird creepy guy and will probably just laugh at me and speculate over why I killed myself.

I'll be forgotten by most within a month or two.

 

[Isadeth]

I think at first everyone will be shocked, but as people are they will just live their pathetic lives on in few month

People really do move on with their lives fairly quickly. They say we have three deaths. 1. Your body 2. Burial or what have you and 3. When someone utters your name for the last time. ♡

 

[BitterlyAlive]

The guilt aspect is absolutely dead on. It's sweet of you to wait and prolong your own suffering so you don't risk the possibility of ruining your parent's anniversary.

Aside from my family and friends grieving, I expect the local gossip if word gets out... but it'll settle down eventually. Then I'll only be remembered by my method when/if ever brought up in conversation.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. ♡

Oh, yeah, local gossip.... My town reminds me of Salem's Lot, so you can imagine how that'll go lmao. Sorry if this sounds bad, but I hope you can be remembered by more than your method :( You're a human being and deserve to be remembered as such.

 

[Mr.Mediocre]

they would hold a party over my grave. My funeral would be filled with laughter and celebration.

 

[favourite]

I don't want to kill myself before my parents are dead (they still love me, don't know why since I'm useless piece of shit) so there won't be many people to say anything about me. Most of those guys won't be even surprised.

 

[Garbage Person]

Probably nothing. Maybe "good riddance". I'm nobody. It would be one of those people that you find out are dead years later and just say "figures", or "huh".

 

[Dead beat dad]

That's fairly harsh as far as responses go. :( I wish we could view how we're gonna be remembered, or if we're remembered. Also, what others would say regarding us. It really bugs me when people pass and everyone jumps to be the "best friend" then later they never mention them again.

Feel this brother but it is irrelevant. We are the blink of an eye on the infinity of irrelevance so I don't care.
DBD

 

[Isadeth]

I don't want to kill myself before my parents are dead (they still love me, don't know why since I'm useless piece of shit) so there won't be many people to say anything about me. Most of those guys won't be even surprised.

That's so sweet you won't put your parents through burying a child. ♡ you can't be that much of a "useless piece of shit" if you're being so selfless. Xx

Feel this brother but it is irrelevant. We are the blink of an eye on the infinity of irrelevance so I don't care.
DBD

That's very true. In the end it doesn't really matter. We're here, then we're not.

Probably nothing. Maybe "good riddance". I'm nobody. It would be one of those people that you find out are dead years later and just say "figures", or "huh".

You don't have anyone you can think of offhand that would grieve your absence? I hope you're remembered and thought of more than just a "good riddance" and an unattended death.

 

[favourite]

That's so sweet you won't put your parents through burying a child. ♡ you can't be that much of a "useless piece of shit" if you're being so selfless. Xx

Well, at least I can do this one thing for them...

 

[Isadeth]

Probably the obligatory "he was a nice person, he'll be missed" but aside from that not an awful lot, because outside of a small friend group and my family I don't speak to anyone. Some people just think of my as a weird creepy guy and will probably just laugh at me and speculate over why I killed myself.

I'll be forgotten by most within a month or two.

Ugh the common, "I'm so sorry for your loss." Crap. That's annoying. But I understand it since most people don't know what to say in those situations. Your friends and family will probably reminisce for years to come. I'm not sure if they know of your struggles/pain, but if they do, it'll probably be of comfort that you're free of them. Xx

Well, at least I can do this one thing for them...

Coming from a parent that has lost two children, doing that for them is the kindest and most loving thing you can do. Because trust me, it's a pain that's indescribable. It's heartfelt you're protecting them from that. ♡

 

[meles_inoris]

Eventually, when shit really hits the fan, they'll say I was right

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

They won't know my reasons. They will make assumptions about it like everything else about me. I've been the most authentic person my whole life, very obvious about my intentions and who I am, very open, and yet always viewed and defined as otherwise. They will say whatever their filters of perception decide, and as always, I will have done what I did to myself to them as if an attack, when they aren't remotely involved, or I will have in some way just been inherently wrong. They'll decide for themselves what I was wrong about and how, and they'll be as clueless as they were when I was alive and right in front of them. People will wonder, but they didn't ask when I was alive; whenever they wondered, they provided the answers for themselves. This will be no different, I just won't be around anymore to answer, so there's nothing for them to reject and redefine, and they won't be able to reject me for calling it out. They'll probably say I've proven them right.

 

[Isadeth]

They won't know my reasons. They will make assumptions about it like everything else about me. I've been the most authentic person my whole life, very obvious about my intentions and who I am, very open, and yet always viewed and defined as otherwise. They will say whatever their filters of perception decide, and as always, I will have done what I did to myself to them as if an attack, when they aren't remotely involved, or I will have in some way just been inherently wrong. They'll decide for themselves what I was wrong about and how, and they'll be as clueless as they were when I was alive and right in front of them. People will wonder, but they didn't ask when I was alive; whenever they wondered, they provided the answers for themselves. This will be no different, I just won't be around anymore to answer, so there's nothing for them to reject and redefine, and they won't be able to reject me for calling it out. They'll probably say I've proven them right.

Do you mean both friends AND family? I know everyone will know why I ctb. But still, I know it won't make it easy on them. Well, most of them. I know a few will do the same as you describe, just out of spite. I know I won't care after I'm gone, but for some reason it upsets me. Mostly, because like you, I've always tried to be genuine, kind and get what you get type of person. Where there isn't/wasn't any wondering of my intentions or being. Of course that hasn't stopped people from trying to paint me as the bad guy. I always say, "it is what it is."

 

[A Retarded Demon]

If we're being totally honest nothing nice, my dad once told me as a kid that he could just make another one if he "broke" me.

And yea dad was a nonce.

As for everyone else I dunno likely a meh about it.

 

[rhiino]

People really do move on with their lives fairly quickly.

Oh I really wish it would be like that with my family, but I fear it will not be that easy.

 

[Isadeth]

Oh I really wish it would be like that with my family, but I fear it will not be that easy.

I meant more with friends. Family is a different story. They'll probably mourn until their last breath. But their grief will shift. It will transform from agonizing to eventually really sad but livable. Death is not easy for family. At least not a loving family. It's awful, and time, while it can mend, never fully heals. ♡

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Do you mean both friends AND family?

Only family.

I have been isolated for quite some time. Former friends and those from other various relationships likely won't know unless my parents make the unwise decision (for them) to publish an obituary. I'd rather others didn't know. I'd rather their lives continue on with my absence as it has been, with my presence in their lives in the past and done.

Most former friends and acquaintances will recall my vivacity, honesty, insightfulness, caring, and humor. Of course these are things that some people hated about me as well, and they will not mourn my loss, they will be glad I am no longer assaulting the world with myself! But many I've met and somehow impacted will sense a loss of my presence in the world in some way, as happens when anyone dies. Except for my parents, there are very few people I've known who will think the world is a better place without me in it. They will wonder what could have happened. They will maybe look back and question why I withdrew. Some who knew about struggles with PTSD will think, and already probably believe, that was the cause of my withdrawal from my connections and from life, though my lifestyle has been nomadic for quite some time and the withdrawals seemed a natural part of that for those who didn't know about the PTSD. Folks will talk and try to find explanations, as folks do, and I think they will feel sad and shocked, and then readjust to a world without me in it somewhere, and move on, as people do. I'm glad that I've left a lot more good memories of me than bad when people do remember me, a lot more positive feelings of good connections and having spent time with someone who sought the good rather than to negate them or feed toxicity in their lives, in our interactions, or in the world.

Thank you for prompting me to look at that. I've tended to focus only on the family situation. That was far from my only impact in the world. My parents' perceptions, and those of whom they influence, are more immediate because I cannot keep my parents from knowing of my death, nor have any power over what they choose to do about my body and any subsequent actions they may take if they accept it, including announcements. They announce lies all the time. They have a public story of our relationship and how I live, though I've been withdrawn for years and completely out of the picture, even with extended family and mutual acquaintances. They've had free reign to say whatever they want. I don't know how they've kept it up. I've been out of all that toxicity for years, and it bothers me that they have any power even after I die just because they're the next of kin. It bothers me that I don't have the power over my own life to say who I want notified of its end, if anyone at all.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Ideally I would want the few people who would care to just forget that I existed but that most likely wont happen. They'd probably just spew the same cliché bullsh*t that everyone says when someone ctb. Best thing to do would be to spare the niceties and go about with their lives.

I wouldn't want a funeral anyways; just donate everything that can be donated then throw my body in an incinerator and be done with it. No point in wasting time and money on me when I'm already dead.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Hypothetically speaking,
if I'm ever gonna commit suicide, should I care what other people/family think of me?
I don't think so.

 

[Mr2005]

"He was mentally ill, there's nothing we could have done" Lies but whatever stops them killing themselves

 

[Baguette]

I think most people may be sad for a few days, the only person I'm kind of hanging on for is my dad I feel like he'd be sadder than most but he's a strong person who'll eventually get over it. Now that I think about it my aunt and cousins in America might be affected pretty badly as their husband/dad(my uncle) actually ctb'ed by train when I was about 9 but again I'm sure they'd get over it.

 

[Isadeth]

"He was mentally ill, there's nothing we could have done" Lies but whatever stops them killing themselves

I think we're all a little "out there"... but you're right, anything to make them feel better and help them through their grief.

Hypothetically speaking,
if I'm ever gonna commit suicide, should I care what other people/family think of me?
I don't think so.

You're right. Once you're gone will it really matter? Then again, what if you're able to "stick around" and hear them shit talking you? Haha

 

[Mr2005]

I think we're all a little "out there"... but you're right, anything to make them feel better and help them through their grief.

Is that good? I think I'm doing them a favour. My mums terrified I'm going to commit suicide. If she knew why it would be a lot worse