What were your thoughts on suicide prior to your suicidality?

[DPJ187]

I had a suicidal partner for the last 18 months. I was just getting pulling her out when snap, my mind just went. I would be telling her all these lovely things, look at the snow drops, isn't it lovely spring is round the corner all the while I stopped believing it. I spent the last year helping her just get through it that I forget about me. Now I dont want to face the day, I dont want to eat, i dont want to sleep, I just want to be gone. I freed my partner, she got better and so realised i was bad for her and I let her go be happy and free. Trouble is I now am where she was 18 months ago. I caught her jumping out the car, literally by the sleeve on her cost. I pulled her down when she was standing on a bridge. I stopped her when she wanted to take tablet or slice her wrists. But she is gone. I am now here alone.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I never thought about suicide. It was an alien world.
I was sympathetic. I thought to myself these people are tormented in a way that I will never be able to understand or conceive. I never in 1 million years thought I would share these feelings. I thought people who were suicidal were completely out of their minds. And maybe we are.
One quickly becomes an expert on the subject when feeling this way. It's the only thing that interests us.

 

[Hurt]

I didn't understand people who commited suicide before being suicidal. I never judged. Now I understand them because I know how it feels life as a living hell.

 

[DerTod]

When i was little 12-13 yo without having depression i used to think that i'll CTB at 25 simply because i wanted to go young. I remember i found in the newspaper the news of a young man who CTB-ed and he was writing poems. I saved his poem and felt very compassionately about him thinking that one day i'll do the same. Now at 37 i think people bellow 30 should wait if it's not a really hopeless situation with physical illness involved. CTB-ing because you are bullied or because you have disappointed the family( this mentality is frequent in China and they do commit lots of suicides because of it) is unreasonable for me. Why? The first case-most of us get bullied. It doesn't mean it will be forever. Why would you care about what random strangers think of you? Second case: you are supposed to live for yourself not for making family/whoever else in this world proud.

 

[outrider567]

Sorry to hear it. Three months is not much time. You have any other family members you can turn to?

Only my step-mother and my cousin in Seattle----This is what famed British actor Peter Cushing said when his wife died in 1971, after 28 years of marriage: 'The heart has gone out of all things, Time is interminable, the loneliness unbearable, I only keep going in the hope that we will be reunited some day'....