What was your life like before you found SS

[FireFox]

Hello everyone

What was your life like before you discovered the SS forum and how has SS changed your life
Before SS
I was severely depressed and sucidial mainly due to ageing and feeling like my life is a failure. I wake up everyday feeling like a failure as i am nowhere i am supposed to be

I talked to people about these feelings but no one wanted to listen really. They said " i am too young" etc
Going to the NHS didnt help at all as treatment particualry therpay is difficult to acess and going to the drs meant my medical records what ever was said would be recorded. I didnt feel confrotable at all.
My family dont listen at all. Bloody hell
When i self harmed in my teens my mum refused for me to get help . Covered up my self harming in front of medicial professions when i went to the GP.

More and more i just felt alone the callie lewis documentary and shawn shatto death brought me here to this forum. I didnt know these women but i feel so drawn to them. They wanted to escpase this world and were misunderstood by those around them. Reading callie lewis and her tumblar i really like her i wish we could have been friends
I needed a place where no one judges me for having these feelings.
Ulimately i will die via sucide maybe by 25. I need a successful cant fail method the resources are amazing here

This forum people listen to me in a way the outside world has failed to do.
I feel less alone
Thank you SS

 

[Shinbu]

This topic is too much for me to open up, but I agree SS is a nice place on its good days without any drama.

 

[Weightoftheworld]

I attempted to CTB the night I joined. I was researching actually and came across it. It was an anxious attempt that obviously didn't work.
I've found a lot of peace here. I feel less alone. I feel less crushed and overwhelmed having a place that I can truly talk about things with people that understand.
If anything, it's actually helped me cope and has kept me from trying to CTB again.

 

[Rn110bg101]

Although I haven't been very active, just knowing that there are people out there who understand and who I can relate to is heartwarming to me. The world isn't just full of pro-lifers after all…

 

[rainonme]

Where can I find what she put on Tumblr?

 

[Epsilon0]

My outward life has not changed in any way.

But my inner life has changed a bit, due to the fact that the forum has given me the opportunity to dig deep into my self through writing, and also access new pespectives on some heavy issues such as suicide.

 

[Yomyom]

Honestly, I have no idea.
When a new era begins in my life, I forget everything about the old one, don't exactly forget it, I remember dimly, but I don't know how to put it in words
It's part from my Derealization (I think)

 

[Broken Chimera]

It was a ugly time in my life. I randomly found this place in a search. I couldn't believe that something like this even existed. After lurking for a couple of weeks I joined. Just knowing that I'm not alone and that people here can understand me helps a lot.

When a new era begins in my life, I forget everything about the old one, don't exactly forget it, I remember dimly, but I don't know how to put it in words

I know what you mean. It's happened to me a couple of times and it's hard to explain to someone who's never dealt with it. I just say it's amnesia if it comes up.

 

[Aavemainen]

It has been quite enlightening to be honest. I'm surprised how many people are in such pain that they wish to CTB, but at the same time I'm grateful we have this place where we can vent about our lives and research different methods.

 

[RainAndSadness]

It was terrible. Before I found SS, I had nobody to talk to. I didn't know any pro-choice groups and I was completely alone in my suffering. My whole life I kept my suicide ideation to myself because nobody would understand. I tried to find support in some mental health support communities but most of them are extremely pro-life and obviously, that didn't work out very well because I'm not pro-life.

For example, back in 2017, after my ex broke up with me, I joined a Discord mental health server because I needed to vent. I talked about my suicide ideation but I didn't ask for advice, which is a very important detail. I just wanted to let off some steam, you know... drop off some weight off my shoulders. But those people that led that server misinterpreted this as a genuine cry for help and they were extremely hostile about it. They all jumped on me with some misguided, shallow advice that didn't properly address any of my struggles. I refused to take their advise because it wasn't helpful and I called them out on their empty platitudes that were nothing but useless. And when they tried to 'help' me, it instantly became very clear to me that it wasn't about improving my situation. It was about them. They wanted to 'help' me to make themselves feel better about their lives. Of course in their mind their 'help' was a noble gesture and I should just fucking swallow it and be grateful for their divine intervention, if I may call it like that - because honestly, that's how some of those people feel about the advice they give to suicidal people. So yeah, they gave me a shitload of worthless advise because they thought they figured out my whole life based on a few superficial posts regarding my problems and of course, it would be just so easy to fix my life if I just tried hard enough. In the end they banned me because I called them out on their selfish behavior - which kinda tells you, my struggles didn't really matter at all, from the start. And a lot of pro-life people react this way if you refuse to take their help and advice. It happened so often in the past few years and those people can become very toxic. That's why I avoid any pro-life "support" communities like the plague.

So yeah, I'm very glad I found a safe space to talk about my suffering. I can openly talk about sensitive subjects and nobody is judging me for that. Nobody is forcing their values on me. That's what I needed, way more than any of these empty platitudes. I appreciate the existence of this forum a lot, not just because of the support and empathy in this community - which was very helpful to me - but also because the resources in this website allowed me to have a choice in life. I don't need to suffer anymore. I can leave this nightmare behind if I want to. And that's extremely empowering and also relieving. I own my own life now.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I was approaching the act of killing myself. I did actually join previously but barely posted. When I came back here last year it was to browse methods, nothing else.
Instead I found understanding and friendship that tapped into something deeper inside and allowed me to continue somehow. It's a debt I can never repay because she is gone. But I try and honour her memory by still fighting even though I feel defeated.
Before having support here though, I was an utter mess, not eating, sleeping, showering or brushing my teeth. My physical situation was unmanaged and I was effectively slowly dying.
Ironic that I had to court suicide to find the understanding and companionship that helped me continue, when the support I was getting IRL was what was driving me here in the first place.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

I was pretty much a complete corpse before because I didn't have a reliable method that wouldn't pose the risk of disabling me and I had almost given up. I also didn't have anyone to talk to before that I could relate to and I'm thankful that I have someone now. While I do appreciate the resources and the person that I met, I can't agree that this is an entirely good place. There are more than enough predators and disgusting people on here that make questionable threads and only reinforce my disdain towards humanity.

I lost access to my old account @OneBigBlur so I'm not a new member.

 

[Alec]

I feel the same about aging, and it makes me feel so angry at myself and the world and feel so many more things, because I'm not where I'm supposed to be, and it's killing!! I'm glad there's someone who seems to feel the same things I do, well I'm sorry you are in this situation but I'm glad I'm not alone

Love,
—Alec.

 

[disconnection]

I was thinking about suicide constantly and not really talking to anyone - in general, not just about suicide. I also couldn't formulate a proper plan and would walk about thinking of jumping in front of vehicles or trying to drown, etc. Being here has allowed me to step back properly for the first time and slowly plan what WILL be a successful attempt (SN). It's also ticked a social box because I can get my thoughts out here, even though I don't know anyone in particular.. I'm meant to speak to a friend tomorrow and honesty I don't think I can face it. Just don't have normal thoughts any more, I'm basically mute. And I can't be arsed making an effort because I know I'm going.

 

[gnomeboy17]

It's changed my perspective on things. I wanted to die, but I never had the opportunity. Now, I have SN in a draw less than a metre from me. For me this has helped me know I have to recover because I could've killed myself, I was going to but I stopped myself. This showed me that I can get better and I will. I still want to die, and it's nice to know I always have that opportunity, it makes living less stressful because anytime something goes wrong I can ctb and all will be fine.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

My life has always been spouts of bullshit. I used to have people that cared and a family though. Now I'm completely alone and there's no point anymore.

 

[Despondent]

At first I didn't understand my thought process at all and I was just generally confused. This place has really changed me for the better (cheesy, I know. I'd still like to ctb though). I've come across some awesome and empathetic people and I've understood myself a little more than I once did