Story What was the scariest or most traumatic thing that happened to you? Did it influence you to ctb?

[JayJay]

I once took a heroic dose of mushrooms (7g) I got from the darkweb. It's hard to explain in words what happened during my trip. It wouldn't make sense in words since my reality during that moment was non-Euclidean. But yea, everything was fucked up. My senses where screwed up and it felt like 1 hour was a 1000 years. Walls felt like they were breathing. Swirls were on the ground. I drove to the hospital under the influence and it felt like I was driving on rainbow road in Mario kart. ODing on shrooms is a terrible method so don't even think about it. But it was the most scariest experience since I felt like I was about to die. It didn't give me ptsd tho since I learned a lot during that trip but still.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you went through. I personally see it as best to forget about the past, memories can be painful, and for me just existing is traumatic enough. I think that for me, life itself is what makes me want to ctb rather than specific events making me feel this way. I could never want to live no matter what.

 

[BEATNGU]

The most traumatic for the boy was when he came out of his amnesiac stupor and found out that every relative they had was quite dead. It seems like such a strange thing to have so many loved ones bite the dust in a short period of time. Taking all of them was just the final twist of the knife.

 

[Ligottian]

I've never touched mushrooms. I see stuff on the internet that claims it makes you see life in a more positive light. I'm calling bullshit.

 

[JayJay]

I've never touched mushrooms. I see stuff on the internet that claims it makes you see life in a more positive light. I'm calling bullshit.

It's horrifying to say the least

 

[houseofleaves]

The most traumatic thing in my life (that i remember) was when i met a man and feel in love deeply, and i thought we had a special connection and yadda ya…
(«isn't it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?» © Taylor Swift)

He left me over a stupid mistake (my mistake). On the phone. In cold blood. I cried, i begged him. I begged him like i begged only once, when my mom threatened me to hand me over to an orphanage.

My insides hurt so much… It was like dying. Actually, it was death. I couldn't even explain what happened that night to my therapist afterwards. No one understood. It wasn't just crying over a breakup. It was the end of my life. And the rest was (is) posthumous.

 

[lofticries]

Not naming the most due to personal reasons. But I will name one that's lower on the latter of traumatic events that made me wanna ctb. The time I got arrested for a dui because the car I was driving was fucked up and wobbling atm. And I couldn't pass the walk in a straight line test because my tail bone was bruised from slamming on some stairs at work. It was night and raining. My anxiety was in over drive so they thought I was on drugs. Had to spend some time in a cell until my parents got me out. Dad was mad but mom was sympathetic. Had to lawyer up and go for a mental evaluation in which all my personal shit was laid out. Had to do surprise pee tests for a month. My co workers were nice and understanding enough to cover for me those days. Couldnt let my employer at the time know i was under investigation for a dui. Dad made me feel like shit for the rest of the time. Lol the trial literally lasted for 5 mins to which i was cleared. Terrible time. Wish I had n at that moment though. Was in a very low mood to ignore si.

I know this might not sound like much but given my anxiety and self loathing this situation was made to be 100x more than it was. Seriously a big reason I dont want to live is because I'm deathly afraid of making any mistakes and bad shit happening to me. Childhood fucked me up with that.

 

[Foresight]

You drove on 7g? wow.

I've done 2-3g of shrooms several times and I felt like a fairy princess in a magical land of love. God was close and all that. Very nice experiences so you're gambling when you take it.

 

[September5th]

My whole life has been a pathetic cycle of me loosing everything that's good over and over again because I'm simply an idiot. I was always a bit sad, but never suicidal. Seems weird, but loosing my girl (the only human being I genuinely loved) made me finally get there XD

That said, the scariest thing was probably this HUGE fight my father and my mom had when I was 4. Fuck that. I still remember it. Those two fucked me up so terribly that year. Constant fights, not enough attention, divorce... It's probably why I grew up so fucked up.

 

[PxB]

A 600 mg DXM trip (potentiated by grapefruit juice). At the beginning of the trip, I put headphones on and played the entire Cosmos series by Carl Sagan. I thought the trip was going to be a relaxing trip like people said but it wasn't in my case. I was literally haunted by Carl Sagan's ghost during the entire trip. It was horrific. Although the demonic visitation ended after I stopped listening it, my perception of reality was still messed up. I experience extreme time dilation, because that night seemed like it wasn't going to end and the scene were I kept sitting up after lying down kept replaying in my head and it was terrifying. My imaginations were also heightened at the time. I literally thought I went to GTA VC and thought that it was real life and my real family was there and this life is just a simulation. I also thought I visited the makers of this simulation at one point. And in that dimension, everything had a red outline as if it was sketched. The entities showed me the fabrics of reality. A female entity introduced me to Jesus Christ then he showed me around how reality works. This shit gave me existential crisis and I'm still thinking about this horrific scene to this day. Shit seemed too real that it's really terrifying and sad.

 

[dirtnap]

The most traumatic thing in my life (that i remember) was when i met a man and feel in love deeply, and i thought we had a special connection and yadda ya…
(«isn't it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?» © Taylor Swift)

He left me over a stupid mistake (my mistake). On the phone. In cold blood. I cried, i begged him. I begged him like i begged only once, when my mom threatened me to hand me over to an orphanage.

My insides hurt so much… It was like dying. Actually, it was death. I couldn't even explain what happened that night to my therapist afterwards. No one understood. It wasn't just crying over a breakup. It was the end of my life. And the rest was (is) posthumous.

I feel this deeply, really hits home.

 

[Jack4230]

I took a lot of acid when I was 15 and freaked out and ended up getting hit by a car. That definitely changed the direction of my life for the worse as I had PTSD as well as depersonalization for years. I sometimes wonder what life would have been like had that not happened.

 

[BreathDeeply]

The most traumatic thing that has happened to me was being told 2 times by my ex that she was pregnant and I was going to be a father. Now after separation in 2016 my ex has successfully alienated me. Today I now know she tricked me into thinking I was going to be a father. Today I now know both children belong to another man. I'm not the same person i was 10 years ago. I'm hoping for a peaceful exit soon.

I once took a heroic dose of mushrooms (7g) I got from the darkweb. It's hard to explain in words what happened during my trip. It wouldn't make sense in words since my reality during that moment was non-Euclidean. But yea, everything was fucked up. My senses where screwed up and it felt like 1 hour was a 1000 years. Walls felt like they were breathing. Swirls were on the ground. I drove to the hospital under the influence and it felt like I was driving on rainbow road in Mario kart. ODing on shrooms is a terrible method so don't even think about it. But it was the most scariest experience since I felt like I was about to die. It didn't give me ptsd tho since I learned a lot during that trip but still.

I kinda did the same thing except I ate a 10-strip of Blotter LSD. No hospital visit but Life changing no doubt

 

[Journeytoletgo]

My cousins best friend boyfriend about 9-10 years ago when they were 15 overdosed on shrooms. His heart sped up and he didn't make it. I'm only going to try 0.5 grams or 1 gram this summer I wish i tried in my teens maybe by then I'd have my 20s figured out

 

[Thesorrowfailure]

I was once on a school trip. During our free time I was cruising alone as always. Then when I was approaching some kind of a bridge I saw a group of young adults whose behaviour seemed to be very agressive. They tended to shout, break bottles and sitting on someone's else motorcycles.. But I said to myself: "Nah, it can't be that bad, I cannot be scared of everything, I will just go past them and everything will be fine" It wasn't, they started to ask me about when I was passing them then demanding and one guy I remember told something like "I'm coming for you! You hear?" And he started running after me fortunately only til the nearest corner. But still one of the most traumatic experiences in my entire life, had a lots of problems since then, however still eager to crush his head on the pavement if I had an opportunity to

 

[Worndown]

My cousins best friend boyfriend about 9-10 years ago when they were 15 overdosed on shrooms. His heart sped up and he didn't make it. I'm only going to try 0.5 grams or 1 gram this summer I wish i tried in my teens maybe by then I'd have my 20s figured out

Schooms are not really the drug if choice if you are trying to figure anything out. They tend to confuse.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Schooms are not really the drug if choice if you are trying to figure anything out. They tend to confuse.

Well what drug would you advise?

 

[Worndown]

Just getting moderately high. It still lets you think while relaxing your hangups, phobias and fears enough to get past them...for a while.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

Fell in a zoo gator pond at 9. Bike was run over at 14, driver ran a red light as I was crossing.

 

[Lost Magic]

watching my mother die was the worst thing I ever went through.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I've had a couple psychological breakdowns which are the worst things that ever happened to me… left my brain shattered

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

The most traumatic thing for me happened over a long period of time. Basically, my brain turned against me. I was wracked with constant, horrible intrusive thoughts every day, every hour. I began to doubt myself, who I was as a person. It polluted everything I love, and ruined every aspect of my happiness. This lasted 7 years and still counting, to some degree.

Now, I know that it is likely undiagnosed ocd, and even though my medication has significantly reduced my intrusive thoughts, it's traumatized me in such a way I don't even begin to know how to heal from it. How the hell do I heal when it's my own brain that did the damage?

The constant doubt, questioning, and anxiety was so bad, suicide became a truly comfortable and familiar thought, one I have not been able to shake even though I'm doing a bit better now.

I've dealt with suicidal thoughts since before the intrusive thoughts started, but had they not hit with such intensity, I might have learned how to live. Now, all I want is peace.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Botched plastic surgery in 2019.
After that something died inside me. I got better after two years because my financial situation improved but then I realized that I squandered the money and didn't do anything to fix my situation because probably my prefrontal cortex is damaged from CPTSD.
I just can't explain it. I always sabotage myself.

 

[Conker]

and it felt like I was driving on rainbow road in Mario kart

 

[RegretedFeeling]

I was brought into-royal jubilee hospital Victoria bc Canada in 2016 and injected with black stuff. I was being framed for 300k of missing meth and the police who are actually the ring leaders of it all were trying to off me because I'm a loose end to a bank robery in Victoria in the early 2000s to which they got their first stack of money after the police shocker there shot down the robbers. There was two bags the bank got one and the other sank down to the sea bottom…. The police got it. My buddy had a police computer with a bunch of names on it he lost the computer and shit hit the fan.

I'm a loose end and the world is waiting for me to kill myself!

 

[Hope:-)]

Being given psychmeds for 16 yrs which left me with awful side effects. I am still trying to find someone to help me come off them. That is the reason I am ctb I also have injured my face which was due to medication induced mania. :-/

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

It's fucking pathetic but my most traumatic experience was an anorectic episode where my body was so fragile literally everything hurt. Also winter swimming in that state was super irresponsible of me and made my body go wild.

I once took a heroic dose of mushrooms (7g) I got from the darkweb. It's hard to explain in words what happened during my trip. It wouldn't make sense in words since my reality during that moment was non-Euclidean. But yea, everything was fucked up. My senses where screwed up and it felt like 1 hour was a 1000 years. Walls felt like they were breathing. Swirls were on the ground. I drove to the hospital under the influence and it felt like I was driving on rainbow road in Mario kart. ODing on shrooms is a terrible method so don't even think about it. But it was the most scariest experience since I felt like I was about to die. It didn't give me ptsd tho since I learned a lot during that trip but still.

That sounds horrible

 

[Painless_end]

I basically entered adulthood with a good job but only a fragmented incomplete understanding of the world and my responsibilities and then I realised that I was right in the middle of adulthood without having the necessary mental drive or persistence to envision a goal and work towards it and yet I was helpless and supposed to somehow survive.

It scared the life out of me and I had to eventually quit my job and become a recluse hermit.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

It's not the violence, family, bullying, stoning, abduction, knife threats, dogpiling, fucked up psychs, lies or nightmares. It's not the physical pain. Things that seem traumatic and shocking and its hard to differientiate between those.

The worst thing is losing everything good, losing true love at least twice, losing myself. That's unbearable. It only took simple things that would've made me happy, and just being myself.

I will definitely avoid shrooms, if my nightmares are anything to go by then they don't need to be more real. I had one earlier today while waiting for a phone call.

 

[hopelessandconfused]

I was bullied and sexually abused as a child. This has left me feeling disgusted by myself and ashamed. I constantly worry about others judging me. In my hometown I can't even leave my house for fear of running into somebody I used to go to school with. Every time I think about the past I just hate myself more and more. Of course this has influenced my decision to CTB, but I feel the bigger reason is that I just see life as completely pointless and feel bored and empty no matter what I do.