Discussion What was that moment in your life that triggered everything to go downfall as it could lead you to CTB?

[meeks]

.

 

[Unattainable666]

When my child was murdered

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

A family member (who was like my father) sexually assaulting my mother and no one believing her and consequentially my entire sense of reality being broken.

 

[Griffith_NPD]

When I've realized I've been cursed in this life. Nothing able to make me feel any sort of pleasure, happiness, joy. The only thing that saved me was love. But that instantly went away. I'm just cursed, nothing was meant to work out for me.

 

[todiefor]

When my husband of 10 years just turned one year and became extremely abusive and maliciously destroyed me in every sense, my sense of self, my trust in myself and others, sense of home and family, and all my good memories. I still don't want to believe those 10 years were just a complete lie but I don't know what to believe at all anymore.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I have absolutely no idea. It's been a confluence of life events over years.

 

[olearius]

Being adopted at 2yo into a heinously abusive home where I was abused for being autistic, like the kind of abusive parents documentaries are made on. I have wanted to ctb since I was 4. I think I will always want that.

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

I fall really hard in love, without her i'm nothing

 

[Chara]

ABA "therapy".

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

I really endured everything like abusive family, bullism,extreme poverty,loneliness

But when i realized i can't stay with the person i love only because of all trauma i had, i realized how much fucked up is this world, literally stealed my girl away from me only because they have normal life and no trauma how unfair?, also each other family did everything to make us didn't fall in love

 

[_Alfarooq_]

When the best year of my life, 2022, ended, and here came 2023 which contains nothing but cursed shit, torture and a boring life.

 

[montimoo]

I was born into a shitty position, and have always been unwanted. I remember feeling this way as a child even, and had my first attempt at 5-6 years old :( I've never really been happy

 

[dumpsterfire]

i am not a stable person because of my cpstd, and it has ruined everything in my life.

 

[Bioforever12]

Too many times with unrequited love, also my genetic disease doesnt help

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

My wife came out as a lesbian to me earlier this year. That triggered the thoughts and I made an attempt. She told me that she'd stay with me and that made the thoughts quiet down. A month ago she left me the day after I had to put my cat to sleep.

I think that might've pushed me over the edge because I started looking into other methods besides hanging. I've chosen a method and a backup. Pretty sure I'm ready to ctb, but I need to buy the supplies.

 

[blank_slab]

I know it's kind of a dumb reason to want to end my life but at some point someone who I really looked up to showed a form of disgust with me and at first it just made me feel a little bad until i realized this person I had believed to be a friend and even a form of an idol disliked me and thought I was a bad actor and for some reason that made me lose any trust with anyone and eventually I became mentally unstable like i am right now I don't even know who I am (sorry for the ranting)

 

[FuneralCry]

Being burdened with the ability to exist in the first place, of course as existence itself is the ultimate cause of all suffering, existence itself is the ultimate problem to me, it's such a terrible and undesirable thing having the ability to suffer endlessly. I've always only desired non-existence as that is true peace to me, existence just causes harm, it's meaningless and unnecessary suffering.

 

[shantyizlit]

There wasn't a specific moment, it just gradually came to the point where I wanted to ctb every single day, and I never recovered from that. I've had a lot of different symptoms from the desire to ctb, like depression and anhedonia, I even had mania where I just tried my best every single day all day to self-improve with shit like meditation and yoga and all sorts of things, but my life has been chronically fueled by the desire to die since I was 16.. I could never escape it.
I could just never accept committing suicide, but now I can as I really see no other way out.

 

[Kera]

My shitty accident with the inline skating. Since then I suffer from the late effects, physically and psychologically. I want to dance, run, be free. Movement was my life. I used to do competitive sports / middle and long distance running. Went to sports school. The accident and extreme underweight took that away from me.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

When the project of a life-time failed a few years ago. I never recovered from this trauma. All attempts to rescue sth failed.

 

[Teacups]

My birth.

 

[SenseOfLoss]

After hard times and a lot of suffering and strokes of fate, I had just regained my composure and recovered when my organ of equilibrium (vestibular organ) failed. Then, due to a wrong indication, I was overdosed with cortisone, which completely poisoned me and left me with permanent damage. That was a year and a half ago. Haven't recovered from it since that….

 

[Csmith8827]

My mom was in the kitchen doing dishes one night and I got angry because of something stupid... like I can't really describe it...but it's silly and stupid . She wasn't meaning to offend me or maybe she was...I honestly don't know...but it has to do with her body and the clothes she was wearing and how "revealing" they were/ how they fit on her. So I got really pissed off about that and something else as well...it really just doesn't seem to add up honestly... anyways...so I try to go to sleep that night but I can't get to sleep...my sister calls me and we discuss something about like...reality or something like that...and she's all like talking to me and saying people do different things to cope with life... she tells me some people smoke, some people listen to music, some people do this or that. I think she's like trying to get me to calm down or help me somehow... like give me peace or something. I can't remember if I called an ambulance or if my mom took me to the emergency room but I wound up at the hospital ER. I think they said I had suffered from a panic attack or something...I can't remember exactly...but I do remember going to the hospital...so I come back home and it's like hot or something...I can't sleep again so for some reason I grabbed my mom's car keys (my car needed a new computer, it was like "in the shop") and backed out of the driveway in her truck. I'm just like driving in the middle of the night now...no music on or anything. I don't know what I was thinking about or what was bothering me but like... something wasn't right... something was off... something was wrong. I forgot to mention that before when I couldn't get to sleep that I actually prayed. I prayed for God to give me peace and take away whatever anxiety or stress I was feeling at the time. I ended up going to my dad's office which is in like 5 acres of land or something like that... maybe more. I ended up like getting drunk by "breaking in" (the window was unlocked) to his office and finding a refrigerator that had beer in it. I drank a bunch and like got on a computer... this is what's crazy though... like I installed an image blocker so I wouldn't see the images of the sight but went to a porn profile that I knew. I just wanted to see if I saw any new video titles but not the actual images (I was a practicing Christian at the time so I was like trying to fight). Nothing new had been uploaded so I leave the computer alone and then I go back to the truck. My car is at my dad's office... thats what i meant when I said it was "in the shop." It needed a new computer (which costs like $900) and so it wouldn't pass inspection and wasn't drivable. I got the king of limbs cd out of my car by Radiohead that I had been listening to out and just started blasting in the truck and drinking beer. I especially blasted track 3 which is little by little I think. I kinda had a breakdown or something. Then morning comes eventually and my dad gets there a long with my brother and mom...there's like this big altercation and like the office staff is starting to arrive in. I wind up on the roof of one of the buildings drinking and I challenge the officers to a duel. They wind up dragging me off the roof and I wind up in the hospital/psych ward.

Long story short I lost my career or job that was really important and good at the time...

 

[pyroxenic]

When i lost all of my close relationships back to back in span of one year. Most of it was my fault, i brought myself into this situation but damn. Im really struggling to find a reason to keep on going. Its only time i destroy my family too for who i am. What a cruel joke.

 

[toofargone6969]

When my life fell apart last year through a series of health issues and decisions that led me to my current state. I'm still in disbelief. I had everything set up to have a perfect and blessed life and it was all ruined. I ruined myself physically and mentally through decisions that were actually supposed to better me and make me healthier but they had the opposite effect. I really am devastated about what's happened. I want my life back. It was a good one.

 

[Dmoore3232]

When a girl at school asked me out to see if I wanted to go out on a date, a person I had never met. I had a nervous breakdown. I was extremely healthy before and have never been healthy since then.

 

[𖣂𖣂𖣂.]

.

Lost the person I trusted ever since then I've been putting up this wall

 

[Archness]

Covid-19 and graduation rly forcing me to face the reality of my life.
Being defective, empty fake world, no community, empty existence, etc.

 

[TapeMachine]

It's hard for me to pinpoint the exact moment that suicide became a likely reality for me. I can't remember very much of my past, which is a major reason I'm so unsure of the switch in my mind. I have several clear memories- good and bad- but the vast majority of my past 38 years is just one big blur...

I suppose I've always felt strong emotions though.. I can recall crying myself to sleep when I was 5 years old, all because I had paid attention to the lyrics of "Tears in Heaven" that night as the song had been playing on my little radio that I listened to each evening to help me drift to sleep.

Maybe I just got to a point in my life where feeling everything so deeply all the time became far too much. Perhaps that's when I began to contemplate a reality in which I no longer had to feel, a reality in which I would no longer exist.

 

[thovens]

It was a combination of all traumatic experiences I had lived until then. This made me completely give up on my life when I was 17. 15 years later and the downfall continues. Until when? Who knows..