What triggers your desire to CTB?

[lemonbunny]

Is it a place, a person, a thing?

Today I was talking with my roommate who I haven't seen in a while and she talked down to me like I was dumb... considering this is nothing new, it made me really want to leave this planet sooner than later, feeling like more of an accident than a human being. It may seem small but it's hard to deal with similar treatment your whole life.

Do you have triggers? Anything that made you go, "yep I can't do this anymore" amidst already having suicidal thoughts?

 

[Seered Doom]

Ooh, good questions OP! My answer to the title one would be prolonged torment of not being understood for my needs and disability, people treating me as if I'm stupid when I'm not, reminders of trauma, sound sensitivity, and the state of the world and my surroundings as I know them.

 

[misthios2040]

The reason I am retiring from life is because I have sever social anxiety and agoraphobia which makes it hard to keep a job. I literally get panic attacks when I have to talk to customers.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

Being treated like I'm "special" definitely does it for me. I mean I do have certain needs but it does make me wish I was born normal. Also just seeing people from my school

 

[EternalShore]

yup! :) Basically anything that makes me jealous makes me sewer slidal! So young couples and especially young couples with children! >_< Also, being forcibly and visibly socially isolated not on my own decision definitely does it for me too! :(((

 

[Nortu]

At this point I think a whole lot is exactly that. I know I wont ever feel content with this body of mine for many reasons. It brings me a lot of pain to be like this and knowing how I'm seen in this world by oh so many.
Lacking the ability to make close relations due to my anxiety.
Not having any interest or hobby anymore which in turn makes me bland. Not knowing Where to go in life. Keeping on living Will not be any better than what it is now and thats guaranteed

 

[ayaneechan]

Mostly my parents

In the last times just trying to sleep triggers it a lot, I would like to just take SN now (it's 3am and really can't sleep). I'm struggling, since I not have AE I have to avoid it, my parents are sleeping in the room near me and if they hear me doing strange noises here they would check.

I not want to risk being saved, warded etc

 

[sad_chickennugget]

Is it a place, a person, a thing?

Today I was talking with my roommate who I haven't seen in a while and she talked down to me like I was dumb... considering this is nothing new, it made me really want to leave this planet sooner than later, feeling like more of an accident than a human being. It may seem small but it's hard to deal with similar treatment your whole life.

Do you have triggers? Anything that made you go, "yep I can't do this anymore" amidst already having suicidal thoughts?

I also hate it when people talk down to me. I have been infantalized my entire life, and I am so tired of it. What I find worse than that though is when people ask you what is wrong, and then act like they have it worse.

 

[BookPostponed]

idk if I'm just that fucked up but literally everything triggers me; I can't stop thinking about it honestly.
these days someone can compliment me and such and all I can think about is "what will they think at my funeral?"
it's like the perfect day could happen and I would still be triggered by the time I lay down

 

[Ligand]

When I hear about people I knew achieving things I was going to before I got sick. People getting PhDs, buying their own homes, getting married, going on fun trips. That was going to be my life before I got sick. Comparing my life now to that is so painful that I try to isolate myself as much as possible so I don't have to deal with the comparison. It's humiliating.

 

[thresholdy]

I've been dealing with that type of toxic people plenty of times, and whenever I give them the same treatment they would act as if I'm in the wrong, as if my entire existence is just to make them feel superior.

 

[Unattainable666]

waking up in the morning

 

[DeathSleep]

Oh, there's quite a few reasons. But one is that I realize that being alone forever puts me at greater risk of homelessness as I get older. Aside from being lonely, I have no one to fall back on for support. One illness or slip up and it'll be back to being homeless. It's been a fear of mine ever since I first experienced it. Especially since mental illnesses are giving me trouble holding down a job. It makes thinking about the future, especially the long term future, a horrifying thought. I already have other reasons I want to leave sooner rather than later. This just adds to it.

 

[AntHills]

-Cringe memories
-Social interaction
-Embarrassment
-Homelessness
-Shitty people getting everything they want
-Good people being treated like shit
-My teeth
-My family
-Knowing that I'm a sentient blood bag
-Fear of authorities
-General anxiety and depression
-Autism

I could honestly go on forever but this list is already too long

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Well let's see:

trauma from my past, thinking about past mistakes, thinking about horrible things I've done, thinking that I have no future, knowing that I'm lonely, I have no money, I probably would drop out of college or fail every time, won't be able to get a job because of how I act, thinking about situations that don't happen, internal bouts of anger and sadness, mood swings, inability to talk to any one, fear, cowardice, the fact that I'm a boy and not a hermaphrodite/futa/shemale/whatever you wanna call it, the fact that me having my sexual preference is bad, the fact I keep getting yelled at and having people get angry at me for what seems to be literally no reason at all even though most likely they have a right to be upset at me because that's how everything in my life goes, being yelled at/ attacked and not being able to do anything about it because I would be in the wrong if I did, being unable to talk to anyone about my past, the fact that it's incredibly hard to die, the fact I want to get out of here as soon as possible, never being able to do anything right, not being able to fulfill my dreams, fear of ending up on the street, not having a good enough drawing tablet, not being able to live the life of my dreams

you know stuff like that

 

[Klophy]

It seems like now, everything is a trigger.
Even moments that are supposed to be 'happy' send me spiralling.

 

[BlazingBob]

How much time do you have? Primarily health problems and too many others to list

 

[Alisalyx]

Mostly my parents

In the last times just trying to sleep triggers it a lot, I would like to just take SN now (it's 3am and really can't sleep). I'm struggling, since I not have AE I have to avoid it, my parents are sleeping in the room near me and if they hear me doing strange noises here they would check.

I not want to risk being saved, warded etc

If you need someone to talk to in the night... I am here if you want, you know my xmpp or telegram, I just wish to help. Don't kill yourself for your parents, please

 

[Infinitespace_]

Desire is suffering

 

[Praestat_Mori]

A hopeless future and a life that I don't want to live due to a big failure in life several years ago. So that's what triggers me wanting to CTB.

 

[アホペンギン]

My parents ruined my life

 

[FuneralCry]

Just existing in general, wanting suicide is all that makes sense to me and feels like the only rational thing to wish for. Only death can bring peace from all the harm that existence causes, it comforts me so much the thought of being dead.

 

[Deads00n]

For me i have always been looked down on and bullied by my mother and class mates when i was 7 years old at school, which caused me social anxiety, having diabetes at the age of 8 and i was constantly hospitalized and tortured by the nurses and the doctors, plus being compared to my siblings that they are better than me, also getting r*ped by the guy that i trusted, that really ruined me and caused me trauma

 

[passivethought121]

I'll think of CTBing over anything, but I always think of it when I eat.