Help what to put in a note?

[leaftomb]

i have kept delaying it but i genuinely have no hope for the future so, here i am. i feel too guilty leaving my loved ones without anything, but i don't know what to tell them. im afraid they'll believe that this is somehow their fault, or that they should've noticed that i wasn't getting better. should i explain? just tell them i love them? or give up and get over the guilt?
i know the note wont do much for them but if i can make this any easier for them, i want to do so

 

[Mukuro Ikusaba]

I feel guilty too, but for me, essentially a high school drop out, I realize that I'd most likely get kicked out of the house for speaking about how I really feel and what I really want to do with my life (nothing), so I don't say anything. Also, something important is you ALWAYS emphasize that this is YOUR decision first and foremost, and make it clear that it was YOU who wanted this, and that they had nothing to do with it, that should help, but again to be sure, just write something along the lines, there was nothing you could do about it. I love my parents dearly but burdening them with the worldly truth, is not something I intend to do to them, I plan on going to the grave with what I know about the world.

I apologize for rambling, essentially, just say that there was nothing they could do, and that you still love them dearly. Also, don't feel pressured to write your note now. I plan on ceasing to be in April, but I only wrote a few days ago out of practicality. Take all the time you need.

 

[Crow_88]

Maybe just make sure they know you appreciate everything they did for you. That you recognize that they were good to you. Telling the truth from the heart so they know how much you love them,

 

[whalesounds]

I can't figure out at all what I could actually put in a note that would do anything. It all feels blinded by the fact that I'm using it to inappropriately relieve the guilt. Framing it as a completely internal issue everybody would have been helpless to prevent is a completely impossible task. Because no matter the case, its never the absolute truth, and a known lie feels comfortable in a completely different, worse type of way.

I think all you can do is leave words or something they would appreciate as individuals as a goodbye, that you were really thinking about them and everything they did for your life. It feels like the most honest way. Whatever it is will haunt them forever, done with the consideration that they don't want it, they want you. None of it should be satisfying, and none of it should leave you feeling benevolent. You can never truly predict how people will take it, consciously and subconsciously. A note can only ever make it easier in the way a pound of fat would help somebody drowning at sea, no matter how perfectly executed. Its the type of thing that seems better as a part of a story. Leaving something to forcefully enter into the narrative of a loved one's mind ought to be treated as a completely separate category of thing. Not apologizing, but authentically appreciating the seriousness that the texture your death would leave on their minds. Its so difficult I've found myself backing off of the idea of suicide for months at a time while drafting letters.

If you were hypothetically close to me for instance; I wouldn't want to know what you understand, I wouldn't want to know your worldview or feelings. I'd say that I do, and I would think that I do, but I wouldn't. I would want to save you. I would want to solve you and regret what I didn't do, and I will torture myself with your death forever. There is no such thing as a proper goodbye, and the preventable bitterness left by me that was preventable on your end would be eclipsed so greatly by my memory of your essence that I wouldn't have any meaningful thoughts or actions related to it. I don't think a letter could ever reach me, and I have friends that express the same sentiment. One of which actually told me he would not read my letter.

I am going to keep it authentic, personal, and in tune, I suppose. There is no proper attitude to address this with. Just a goodbye of the most horrifying and uninspiring nature between selfish creatures.