Venting What should I do?

[TheMetalhead]

Been having some troublesome moments recently, concerning CTB. I have some sorta trauma due to my ex trying to CTB because of me and most recently because of a girl who left me due to my attempted suicide.
I'm about to be unemployed in 9 days, possibly homeless unless my parents decide to keep me.
I gave up on any medication since March, not seeing a psychiatrist anymore etc.
I've got a rope in my closet, ordered SN a couple of days ago and now no matter what time of the day, I'm hella suicidal.
I don't have anyone in my life despite my friends online, which leads me to severe loneliness.

There's nothing in life that I'd like to do honestly. I gave up the idea of going to uni after I first dropped out, finding new job is out of question. I don't have the energy for that.
Nowadays I feel like I could CTB whenever, but I wanna stay alive for as long as possible so maybe some kind of miracle happens such as meeting a significant other.
I've been through 4 attempts so far and well I'm still here.
I don't want to be welcomedat the psych ward anymore so that leads me towards more successfull method.
I'm about to hit 22 years living this nightmare of a life in a couple of days and I certainly won't live to another birthday.

How would you guys try to prolong this puny insignificant life?

 

[soviet_connection1]

Been having some troublesome moments recently, concerning CTB. I have some sorta trauma due to my ex trying to CTB because of me and most recently because of a girl who left me due to my attempted suicide.
I'm about to be unemployed in 9 days, possibly homeless unless my parents decide to keep me.
I gave up on any medication since March, not seeing a psychiatrist anymore etc.
I've got a rope in my closet, ordered SN a couple of days ago and now no matter what time of the day, I'm hella suicidal.
I don't have anyone in my life despite my friends online, which leads me to severe loneliness.

There's nothing in life that I'd like to do honestly. I gave up the idea of going to uni after I first dropped out, finding new job is out of question. I don't have the energy for that.
Nowadays I feel like I could CTB whenever, but I wanna stay alive for as long as possible so maybe some kind of miracle happens such as meeting a significant other.
I've been through 4 attempts so far and well I'm still here.
I don't want to be welcomedat the psych ward anymore so that leads me towards more successfull method.
I'm about to hit 22 years living this nightmare of a life in a couple of days and I certainly won't live to another birthday.

How would you guys try to prolong this puny insignificant life?

Mate you will pull through this whatever happens.. I think you are a good friend from the times we have spoke in discord.
If you need to chat to me you are more than welcome too anytime bro.

 

[StolenLife]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. 22 is still pretty young. Can you have an honest talk with your parents about your future? There's no shame in taking a gap year if you need to focus on your mental health, again you are still young enough that you can start over if you ever wanted a career. Is there anything that interests you or a hobby of sorts? Anything you're good at? If I wanted friends or a significant other I would have tried to go outside more. I know it can feel embarrassing to go alone but it's really not that weird and no one will really give you a side eye, people usually mind their own business. In other words, what I would do is find something I'm good at and perfect it, and go outside more to make friends and meet people. Or you could simply ctb, if that is your wish, but honestly to me it seems that you are still holding on hope. I wish that you find what you are looking for, in life or in ctb.

 

[TheMetalhead]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. 22 is still pretty young. Can you have an honest talk with your parents about your future? There's no shame in taking a gap year if you need to focus on your mental health, again you are still young enough that you can start over if you ever wanted a career. Is there anything that interests you or a hobby of sorts? Anything you're good at? If I wanted friends or a significant other I would have tried to go outside more. I know it can feel embarrassing to go alone but it's really not that weird and no one will really give you a side eye, people usually mind their own business. In other words, what I would do is find something I'm good at and perfect it, and go outside more to make friends and meet people. Or you could simply ctb, if that is your wish, but honestly to me it seems that you are still holding on hope. I wish that you find what you are looking for, in life or in ctb.

As for parents they don't quite understand anything related to me, they always have their own point of view on it, ignoring whatever I tell them.
I do have some hobbies, for example I'm really into music and I even used to play an electric guitar, but nowadays I can't play anything.
I've been thinking about going outside but the area I live in doesn't offer much honestly.
I want to CTB but at the same time i have a glimpse of hope that I may find that soulmate again. Thank you for the input nonetheless.

 

[somenone]

After reading what you write about relationships, I want to say...
In my personal experience, you will not be happy in a relationship until you are happy yourself. It seems to me that you should not look for a relationship when you feel bad, you can harm both yourself and your partner. On the contrary, I'm not saying that you need to distance yourself from people, just look for the path to "happiness" in something else.
And when you alienate yourself as "full-fledged", self-sufficient, then the relationship will not turn into something painful after a while.
Of course there can be exceptions. What can I possibly know about relationships, I've been living in 4 walls for more than 6 years... Just my opinion. If you have hope, try to develop it, and (try, make an effort) do not think about CTB.
I think you should not kill yourself, if you want such bright feelings of love, relationships, and have some hope, it will not be right.

Translated via google.

 

[skylarwhiteyo104781]

How would you guys try to prolong this puny insignificant life?

not encouraging this (), but psychedelics can help you reframe your life and visualize a future you've never thought of.
weed helps numb the pain and stimulates the mind, and there's harder stuff you can do obviously but those provide a temporary happiness that leave you worse then you started so don't recommend. and addiction sux.

obviously this won't work for everyone but they've helped me so hope this helps

 

[NightshadeDreamer]

I hope you'll be okay. You're still so young and I know in this life it's easy to feel down. Relationships can be hard. But I hope one day you see your worth. Sorry to hear you're going through it

 

[soviet_connection1]

As for parents they don't quite understand anything related to me, they always have their own point of view on it, ignoring whatever I tell them.
I do have some hobbies, for example I'm really into music and I even used to play an electric guitar, but nowadays I can't play anything.
I've been thinking about going outside but the area I live in doesn't offer much honestly.
I want to CTB but at the same time i have a glimpse of hope that I may find that soulmate again. Thank you for the input nonetheless.

you got this mate