What scares you the most about dying?

[Sleeper System]

Sometimes it comforts me and sometimes it scares me into a corner.

So many people lived through the suffering of the same existence i'm trying to escape just for me to be here trying to throw my life away.
It seems selfish and disrespectful when you think of it like that and they must have had it harder then for me to be the one complaining.
We were never anything more than just peasants like everyone else so what legacy would I be keeping alive though? Cog pieces.

I think about my mom and brother having to deal with everything after I'm gone and that breaks my heart.
That Im not strong enough to keep pushing myself forward despite know that it all means nothing in the end.
I wish I was able to make a change in my mind and heart and be their for them the way they need. I just cant.

I worry about the method and failure to complete ctb and what that would do to this life that even though it sucks it could be much worse.
I could be admitted into a ward, lose my job, lose everything I managed to build up to this point. The pressure and worry it would have on everyone around me. The knowledge that all this space would do is try to put me on drugs and make me dependant on the system.

I don't want to wake up one day under a blanket in the bushes because im homeless and there is no cure or solution for depression and ive exausted all my income and the help that they give people like me so Im just in the streets waiting to die.

I use to care a lot more about the "unknown" aspect of death. Afterlife. Reincarnation. Nothingness. Now, it doesn't even matter as long as i'm taken out of this current existence. If I wake up in a worse place than that will be a problem for THAT reality.

I really just don't want to hurt like this anymore. I'm so sad every day and I wish I wasn't.

Share your fears with me? So I don't feel alone.

 

[pagedelight]

There's a weird part of me that wishes that there is some sort of afterlife, but is also terrified of the idea of there being one. I was raised in a Catholic Christian household so the prospects of the afterlife being good for those who commit suicide are not high. It's messed up because I don't even want to believe in religion, but the fear that it could be possible that there's damnation on the other side of death pushes me away from it when I'd rather not be pushed away.
Of course I'm afraid of "messing up" and leaving myself in a state worse than before my attempt. That's a really crappy possibility that I'd rather avoid.

 

[Darkover]

losing my ability to program that's all i really cared about
not being able to be creative anymore
i like maths atoms physical science technology computers
what i don't like is being enslaved in these fragile machines where your just one mistake away from ruining your whole lifetime

 

[Gonnerr]

Everything, failing , suffering, death itself.

Im returning to work next week after surgery and im scared i wont be able to work like before. I still have some pain.

If i cant work , im done , ctb is better than homelessness.

It such a nightmare to be born , im glad i didn't have child.

 

[Sleeper System]

There's a weird part of me that wishes that there is some sort of afterlife, but is also terrified of the idea of there being one. I was raised in a Catholic Christian household so the prospects of the afterlife being good for those who commit suicide are not high. It's messed up because I don't even want to believe in religion, but the fear that it could be possible that there's damnation on the other side of death pushes me away from it when I'd rather not be pushed away.
Of course I'm afraid of "messing up" and leaving myself in a state worse than before my attempt. That's a really crappy possibility that I'd rather avoid.

I was brought up the same way. For me it's dying and being sorted or judged that makes me sick. Having my life weighed on a scale or not getting to have a word. If I die and I go to hell then those are the rules of existence and there is nothing I can do about it. This is just how it is and has always been. We are all fucked. I'll try to ctb in hell too if that's the case. Probably end up in double hell or some shit. T_T

losing my ability to program that's all i really cared about
not being able to be creative anymore
i like maths atoms physical science technology computers
what i don't like is being enslaved in these fragile machines where your just one mistake away from ruining your whole lifetime

Accurate. This existence is fragile. The amount of life mishaps it takes to derail someones life is so vast.
Job loss. Loss of function. Loss of will. Loss of skill. Loss of love. Loss of accomplishment. It's sad.
We're all one bad day away from oblivion.

 

[starrchaoz]

I fear failing and still being stuck here, or ending up disabled from my attempt in some way. I'm also afraid of my best friend finding out if my attempt is a success. I don't plan on letting them know, I plan on just cutting them out of my life eventually, but they always said if I ended my life they would probably follow me and do the same. I don't want that for them, you know? It kept me from attempting to CTB for a while but I just can't keep going on with the pain that I'm in.

 

[Sleeper System]

Everything, failing , suffering, death itself.

Im returning to work next week after surgery and im scared i wont be able to work like before. I still have some pain.

If i cant work , im done , ctb is better than homelessness.

It such a nightmare to be born , im glad i didn't have child.

Word. I don't want to bring any more people into this world.

 

[Gonnerr]

If there is an afterlife , i dont think it matters how you die because life is so hard and you are born without your consent so who are they to send you to hell for something you didn't ask for.

 

[Sleeper System]

I fear failing and still being stuck here, or ending up disabled from my attempt in some way. I'm also afraid of my best friend finding out if my attempt is a success. I don't plan on letting them know, I plan on just cutting them out of my life eventually, but they always said if I ended my life they would probably follow me and do the same. I don't want that for them, you know? It kept me from attempting to CTB for a while but I just can't keep going on with the pain that I'm in.

Yeah, that's a horrible outcome. but I feel like if i'm disabled then I wont have to work or do anything and i'll be someone elses problem. Life will suck harder but I will have a legit reason not to even try anymore. Let me drool on my shirt and stare at the wall crying and whimpering please kill me until life eventually ends.

If there is an afterlife , i dont think it matters how you die because life is so hard and you are born without your consent so who are they to send you to hell for something you didn't ask for.

Cut to god rolling the clip of you adamantly fighting for the right to exist before removing your memory of the event and giving you life. Wow god... you were right. The darkness was better. No no... you didn't listen so now you have to burn in hell for all eternity. Great.

 

[kaipuff]

what will become of the ones i love and if there is anything that awaits me.
i still hang on because i know my partner would go absolutely ballistic if i ctb and probably end their life aswell, which is not what i want for them.
and what will await me? is there a heaven or a hell? if so either is purgatory for me. if there is, when the ones i love die will i see them? will they be there?
my partner is christian and i'm agnostic, so will i even see them?

 

[annointed_towers]

My life was derailed in a single moment. A single mistake. It touched everything. Undid years of hard work. Decades.

 

[pagedelight]

If there is an afterlife , i dont think it matters how you die because life is so hard and you are born without your consent so who are they to send you to hell for something you didn't ask for.

I agree with this sentiment. It's just the fear that some unreasonable person who disagrees will take judgement regardless that's the bitch to deal with.

 

[lifewasawillowtv]

I was brought up the same way. For me it's dying and being sorted or judged that makes me sick. Having my life weighed on a scale or not getting to have a word. If I die and I go to hell then those are the rules of existence and there is nothing I can do about it. This is just how it is and has always been. We are all fucked. I'll try to ctb in hell too if that's the case. Probably end up in double hell or some shit. T_T

As someone who is petrified of going to hell but is resigned to that fact because even the prospect of burning in a fire for all of eternity isn't enough to put me off ctb, your attitude of "trying to ctb in hell too if that's the case" is so oddly comforting to me lol

 

[Sleeper System]

what will become of the ones i love and if there is anything that awaits me.
i still hang on because i know my partner would go absolutely ballistic if i ctb and probably end their life aswell, which is not what i want for them.
and what will await me? is there a heaven or a hell? if so either is purgatory for me. if there is, when the ones i love die will i see them? will they be there?
my partner is christian and i'm agnostic, so will i even see them?

All the thinking that comes from worrying about the after effects of CTB''ing are enough to exaust anyone into not even wanting to right away. I understand that the rabbit hole is deeeeep.

My life was derailed in a single moment. A single mistake. It touched everything. Undid years of hard work. Decades.

What happend if you don't mind me asking.
or if you have a link to a thread where you explained it.

 

[ringo99]

For me dying would be a relief. It's the thought of a failed ctb attempt that terrifies me

 

[Sleeper System]

As someone who is petrified of going to hell but is resigned to that fact because even the prospect of burning in a fire for all of eternity isn't enough to put me off ctb, your attitude of "trying to ctb in hell too if that's the case" is so oddly comforting to me lol

The demons will literally drop their pitch forks and just go to lunch. Like "Yeah... he's got this himself. We're not needed here. He's literally torturing himself. "

For me dying would be a relief. It's the thought of a failed ctb attempt that terrifies me

Not even just failing... but then also not being able to attempt again. Like I may be able to deal with the failure If I can keep trying. But if I literally end up paralyze and in the care of others and Im truelly FORCED to live.... smh I don't even want to think about it.

 

[HealMyBrain]

The biggest fear for me is failure. I'm already in a pretty rough state as-is. If I wake up from my attempt in an even worse place, that will be the ultimate failure. If I wake up as a braindead vegetable, unable to do anything by myself, I will be the ultimate burden for those around me. I'll have to be constantly taken care of by others, and my mere existence will remind everyone about my attempt. At least if I'm successful, I will fade into a memory and people will eventually move on — maybe it'll take months, or years, or decades, but eventually the feelings of guilt and sadness will get better. If I'm forced to live in a disabled state as a result of my attempt, people will look at my husk of a self and think "Oh yeah, this is all because he wanted to die." And that reminder will stick with them until I finally take my last breath.
I don't think I'm really scared of anything else. I used to be really scared about what other people will think, and I also used to really be scared about having feelings of regret. I've realized those fears are pointless, though, because if I succeed, I will feel nothing at all. I won't have the ability to grieve. I won't have the ability to watch others cry and wail over my death. I will feel absolute nothingness. So it doesn't matter what the life around me becomes, because I personally won't be there to experience an ounce of it. That's probably the most selfish thing I've ever written, but there's always something inherently selfish about suicide, isn't there?
I guess I'm also scared of an afterlife, too. I have never been religious at all, which means I've probably racked up countless sins over my existence. Plus, suicide is a pretty big no-no anyway, so I guarantee my chances of finding a spot in heaven are slim. Even if I did make it into somewhere pleasant somehow, inevitably my relatives will follow suit, and I know damn well that they won't have anything nice to say to me. Ideally, I'd be reincarnated into another being, whether that be an animal, another human, a tree, I dunno — but probably all that waits for me is nothingness. The idea of nothingness is a little daunting sometimes, but I have to remember that I won't be able to experience any of it anyway. No fear to be had there!

 

[Gonnerr]

We are in hell already. A soft version of hell but hell anyway.

We are suffering and we can't leave peacefully. Look all around you, war, rape, murder, fragile bodies we are in , just a bad accident or a disease away from turning your life into hell.

Just being sentient , alive and being scared of death and what's after is hellish enough.

 

[December]

physical pain

 

[Sleeper System]

The biggest fear for me is failure. I'm already in a pretty rough state as-is. If I wake up from my attempt in an even worse place, that will be the ultimate failure. If I wake up as a braindead vegetable, unable to do anything by myself, I will be the ultimate burden for those around me. I'll have to be constantly taken care of by others, and my mere existence will remind everyone about my attempt. At least if I'm successful, I will fade into a memory and people will eventually move on — maybe it'll take months, or years, or decades, but eventually the feelings of guilt and sadness will get better. If I'm forced to live in a disabled state as a result of my attempt, people will look at my husk of a self and think "Oh yeah, this is all because he wanted to die." And that reminder will stick with them until I finally take my last breath.
I don't think I'm really scared of anything else. I used to be really scared about what other people will think, and I also used to really be scared about having feelings of regret. I've realized those fears are pointless, though, because if I succeed, I will feel nothing at all. I won't have the ability to grieve. I won't have the ability to watch others cry and wail over my death. I will feel absolute nothingness. So it doesn't matter what the life around me becomes, because I personally won't be there to experience an ounce of it. That's probably the most selfish thing I've ever written, but there's always something inherently selfish about suicide, isn't there?
I guess I'm also scared of an afterlife, too. I have never been religious at all, which means I've probably racked up countless sins over my existence. Plus, suicide is a pretty big no-no anyway, so I guarantee my chances of finding a spot in heaven are slim. Even if I did make it into somewhere pleasant somehow, inevitably my relatives will follow suit, and I know damn well that they won't have anything nice to say to me. Ideally, I'd be reincarnated into another being, whether that be an animal, another human, a tree, I dunno — but probably all that waits for me is nothingness. The idea of nothingness is a little daunting sometimes, but I have to remember that I won't be able to experience any of it anyway. No fear to be had there!

I would hope that being in a vegetative state is the same as death and not as bad as having to live. You would equally not be self aware enough to think about the people who now have to deal with you. It's interesting because there are different types of veg-states. You could be fully conscious but unable to move so your body is a prison or your mentally compromised so you're essentially in an ignorance is bliss mode of no understanding or comprehension. And the worst would be getting kept alive by machines and keeping your mind. Yikes.

At the end of the day, when you CTB all earthly worries go away. What you care about right now wont be an issue once your dead. If we're lucky.

 

[sylvey]

Sometimes it comforts me and sometimes it scares me into a corner.

So many people lived through the suffering of the same existence i'm trying to escape just for me to be here trying to throw my life away.
It seems selfish and disrespectful when you think of it like that and they must have had it harder then for me to be the one complaining.
We were never anything more than just peasants like everyone else so what legacy would I be keeping alive though? Cog pieces.

I think about my mom and brother having to deal with everything after I'm gone and that breaks my heart.
That Im not strong enough to keep pushing myself forward despite know that it all means nothing in the end.
I wish I was able to make a change in my mind and heart and be their for them the way they need. I just cant.

I worry about the method and failure to complete ctb and what that would do to this life that even though it sucks it could be much worse.
I could be admitted into a ward, lose my job, lose everything I managed to build up to this point. The pressure and worry it would have on everyone around me. The knowledge that all this space would do is try to put me on drugs and make me dependant on the system.

I don't want to wake up one day under a blanket in the bushes because im homeless and there is no cure or solution for depression and ive exausted all my income and the help that they give people like me so Im just in the streets waiting to die.

I use to care a lot more about the "unknown" aspect of death. Afterlife. Reincarnation. Nothingness. Now, it doesn't even matter as long as i'm taken out of this current existence. If I wake up in a worse place than that will be a problem for THAT reality.

I really just don't want to hurt like this anymore. I'm so sad every day and I wish I wasn't.

Share your fears with me? So I don't feel alone.



View attachment 125688

I'm afraid of the dark.
I'm also afraid of learning one day that one of my half-siblings is dead. It's entirely likely.
I'm afraid of what's after death. The thought of there being nothing at all terrifies me because I can't imagine it witohut also imagining my consciousness still being intact and I'm just trapped there forever. So I guess my biggest fears are being alone, not being able to do anything, and not being able to see the things I see every day.

 

[Sleeper System]

I'm afraid of the dark.
I'm also afraid of learning one day that one of my half-siblings is dead. It's entirely likely.
I'm afraid of what's after death. The thought of there being nothing at all terrifies me because I can't imagine it witohut also imagining my consciousness still being intact and I'm just trapped there forever. So I guess my biggest fears are being alone, not being able to do anything, and not being able to see the things I see every day.

They say it's like the time before you were born. You don't remember anything passed a certain age.
That's what death is like. I hope that's the case. Keeping your conscious would suck.

You unlocked a new fear...
The reason we have memory is so that when we're in the darkness for all eternity when can play back our lives.
That's why you were supposed to live life to the fullest so you have something to look back on in the infinite void.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me what I'd fear is trying to die going wrong and just leading to way more suffering as a result. Ultimately what I fear is existence and all the senseless cruelty and harm it causes, it disturbs me how there is no limit as to how much a human can be tormented. It's very evil how humans do all they can to make suicide inaccessible and leave people with no choice but to resort to risky and brutal methods, it should be the most basic human right to have the option to peacefully free ourselves from this existence that was tragically and cruelly imposed in the first place.

 

[FutureHanger]

SI kicking in, my FOMO because for some weird reason I keep having maladaptive daydreaming of me surviving my attempt and then in a couple years turning my life around and living a nice life and even though I'm aware that's not gonna happen as I've already weighed out what's realistically most likely to happen I've repeated this maladaptive daydream in my head so much my subconscious is starting to slightly believe it and make me subconsciously wish that although I still go through with my attempt, it fails so I can have that great story you sometimes see in mainstream discussions about suicide of those people who were depressed and thought they weren't gonna be alive in a couple years but then magically after a failed attempt they become "normal" and achieve their goals also I'm frustrated that I won't get to live out my goals because prior to my suicidality I was pretty smart not just academically and I had formulated some plans I'd attempted to achieve nice goals yet my depression got worse and worse to the point where the only thing keeping me alive was my belief that it'd be a waste if someone with my opportunity, intelligence and knowledge was to waste it all away by dying and even though now I've accepted I'm too depressed for my goals it still makes me cry sometimes when I think about how much I could've done if it wasn't for the trauma I've been put through. Oh well, it does give me some comfort to know when I'm dead it won't matter if I could've or even did achieve my goals because I'll no longer be conscious anyways also I'm using futureme to send my younger brother an email full of advice based off my experiences and what I've learned once I feel he's old enough for that info to be relevant to him as he's just a kid now and it kind of relieves me to know if I can't win then hopefully he will with that advice

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I kind of know what you mean about all our previous relatives working hard so we could live. Still- I think that tends to be a guilt trip they like to try and saddle us with. When- ultimately- we didn't ask them to do all of that. We didn't ask to be born into this. I expect a lot of them did it with good intentions but ultimately- is it all that fair to bring a sentient being into this world and then expect it to behave in a certain way? To be grateful for its life and prosper? I'm sure most parents hope for that but- is it reasonable to expect and demand it? Personally- I'm hugely grateful for everything all my care providers did for me but it isn't enough to make me love or even particularly like life or the fact that they made this decision for me and now I'm stuck with trying to deal with the consequences.

For me, there are lots of aspects of the process of death that frighten me. I'm probably equally scared of both the fear and pain it may induce mostly. A possible afterlife bothers me although- if that's real, ultimately- that's going to happen however I die. I'm sure I've already pissed God off enough to send me to hell- if there is one. God doesn't seem to like people challenging their views and I have a lot of complaints and questions! I don't think I'm subservient enough for the Gods I've heard about. So- that's likely coming either way. But yeah- all the unknowns around death are so scary.

 

[Abyssal]

The physical pain is terrifying to me, but all the other stuff isn't. Leaving behind people who will be hurt doesn't scare me so much as it makes me wish there was another way.

 

[oddetoad]

Just reincarnation. If I had any other method than the one Im having I would be terrified of physical pain cause of the bodys 1 million sensors for pain.

 

[Antoine_Roquentin]

My life was derailed in a single moment. A single mistake. It touched everything. Undid years of hard work. Decades.

Same here, two seconds fucked everything up.

My chosen method is inert gas, which is supposed to be a peaceful and relatively quick one. The process of dying scares me the most. You are supposed to be unconscious, but I still keep wondering if I really will be unconscious, really will feel nothing or if I will experience my mind shutting down over the course of minutes. I am really terrified of it the more I think about it.

Of course I also think about my family and friends, but these worries seem small to me compared to the experience of the process of dying. I know it will cause them a lot of pain, but since I won't exist any more, I won't experience their pain.

 

[Dark Moon]

I don't know what will happen next if their is reincarnation, hell, nothingness and the probably the pain of hanging myself.

I don't mind leaving my family behind I don't they care enough about me.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

That i'd die because of some reason other than how I wanted to go/when I wanted to go.