what pushed you from thinking about committing suicide to planning it out?

[stripey]

for those who currently have a plan to commit suicide, what was the "final straw"?
was there a specific problem, person, event, thought, etc. that made you decide?
feel free to be as specific or non-specific as you'd like

for this question, i'd consider it a plan if any of the following apply:

• you intend to commit suicide and you have a specific time frame (year, month, day, situation) you will adhere to
  (i.e. "i'll commit the next time my roommates go out" or "i''ll commit in august")
• you are currently searching for a method to commit suicide with...
  you don't want to have it "just in case", you intend to plan the rest out once you find it
• you are in the process of obtaining the materials
  (i.e. you ordered materials online and they're being shipped or you're saving up money to purchase something)
• you're settling things before you die
  (i.e. figuring out who will take care of your pet, giving your stuff to loved ones, writing a will, writing a suicide note...)
• you have an "ultimatum" with yourself
  (i.e. "if [something] happens, i'm going to commit" or "if [something] doesn't happen, i'm going to commit")

 

[rigsid]

A few things;

Not getting proper care despite looking for it for ages.

My condition worsening.

My scenario worsening.

Figuring out i was trans and half my country hates me by default. Also the extra dose of body horror that gave me.

The state of the world rapidly declining.

For context I am planning on dying tomorrow. Peace.

 

[thefarter]

being doxxed, nobody believing me, feeling crazy, losing my mind, people mocking my every single action . Haha. crazy right.

anyway i finally have my sn. hopefully be gone soon after Eid! yay :3

 

[BumbleBees]

Realizing that I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life. I have chronic migraines and it's hell on earth. I'm trying so hard with the treatments but it just keeps getting out of control. I avoid places and situations I've gotten migraines in more than I would the house I was abused in. This disease has ruined me and if it ruins my career too I will be nothing. The head pain isn't the worst part - nausea, photophobia, numbness, temperature regulation issues, vertigo, trouble with my vision and hearing, shocking pain in my face and teeth…. to name a few. No one understands, making it all worse.

I also have to deal with being a transsexual. A curse I never asked for. Now I'll take hormones for the rest of my life and had to get surgery all to be 1/3 of the man I wish I was. Still better than the way I was living before, but I can't stop thinking about what I could have had if I was normal. I wish I could have been cured.

I can't fathom living like this, so I'm making a will. I got the official documents from the state I live in. I'm planning to get everything in order. I haven't quite decided on a method…. still researching that one. Can't shake the feeling that I'm damned to hell.

 

[Star67]

After a relapse and the end of a short but very intense relationship. I truly thought I was going to marry her and she called it off over text one day. Haven't heard from her in months and she still has lots of my stuff. Just once again felt disposed like garbage. I've also been on various meds and done therapy for 11 years to no avail. Still depressed, still suicidal. There's so many factors and I don't want to write a self loathing, long, boring message. I'm just convinced things will never get better and that I'll always end up in the same place again, no matter how hard I try.

 

[madwoman]

I've been suicidal as far back as I can remember and I've had a serious attempt and many moments of starting to plan or being very suicidal and came out of them. However, something health related happened to me that I tried to get help with but nothing was helping and I can't live like this for the rest of my life & it just makes everything worse, my depression has worsened, I hate myself more, I'm hiding, I have no drive to do anything of value, I'll never find love, I'm lonely, and I have mental illness that was so bad and I don't want that getting worse and bc I've experienced psychosis and have family that got much worse, I can't fathom that. I'm tired of losing people and I just don't want to get older and worse and be like this forever - my future is bleak and I'm becoming more and more isolated. I've been planning for a long time and am almost ready to say goodbye. I am currently at the stage of making peace, saying goodbye to my life and I no longer have hope. I'm open to something happening where I feel the desire to live but I don't see that happening. I can't just go on for others and continue on as I am. So there are many reasons but I do have a final straw moment and I just can't get over that.

 

[kk13]

Im not sure i think i just realised that it was the only way. Ive lived like this for almost 6 years and i know its not gonna get better. If not now then sometime in the future it was going to end this way. Might as well just get it over with