what pushed you from thinking about committing suicide to planning it out?

[stripey]

for those who currently have a plan to commit suicide, what was the "final straw"?
was there a specific problem, person, event, thought, etc. that made you decide?
feel free to be as specific or non-specific as you'd like

for this question, i'd consider it a plan if any of the following apply:

• you intend to commit suicide and you have a specific time frame (year, month, day, situation) you will adhere to
  (i.e. "i'll commit the next time my roommates go out" or "i''ll commit in august")
• you are currently searching for a method to commit suicide with...
  you don't want to have it "just in case", you intend to plan the rest out once you find it
• you are in the process of obtaining the materials
  (i.e. you ordered materials online and they're being shipped or you're saving up money to purchase something)
• you're settling things before you die
  (i.e. figuring out who will take care of your pet, giving your stuff to loved ones, writing a will, writing a suicide note...)
• you have an "ultimatum" with yourself
  (i.e. "if [something] happens, i'm going to commit" or "if [something] doesn't happen, i'm going to commit")

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i think it wasn't really about what it was that happened as much as just being tired of all the stress and things stacking up. the thing that happened on the day i decided i was going to actually go through with ctb isnt a problem anymore but all the other stuff is and i'm still just as tired. it was money problems and stuff with not having a job but really it could have been anything, it was more about all the other stuff that had happened already if that makes sense.

 

[Untoten_]

for those who currently have a plan to commit suicide, what was the "final straw"?
was there a specific problem, person, event, thought, etc. that made you decide?
feel free to be as specific or non-specific as you'd like

for this question, i'd consider it a plan if any of the following apply:

• you intend to commit suicide and you have a specific time frame (year, month, day, situation) you will adhere to
  (i.e. "i'll commit the next time my roommates go out" or "i''ll commit in august")
• you are currently searching for a method to commit suicide with...
  you don't want to have it "just in case", you intend to plan the rest out once you find it
• you are in the process of obtaining the materials
  (i.e. you ordered materials online and they're being shipped or you're saving up money to purchase something)
• you're settling things before you die
  (i.e. figuring out who will take care of your pet, giving your stuff to loved ones, writing a will, writing a suicide note...)
• you have an "ultimatum" with yourself
  (i.e. "if [something] happens, i'm going to commit" or "if [something] doesn't happen, i'm going to commit")

My girl giving up on us.

She knew I was trying to get better for her and still left anyway.

Decided "meh why the fuck not"

Found out she was cheating on me anyway very early into the relationship from a mutual friend of ours.

So there's a double whammy. It's not over a girl, I'm not that shallow, but going from "forever" to "nah I'm out" to "She was messaging WHO" (last one is very recently), just decided with myself, why the fuck not.

 

[RiftbornVeil]

My girl giving up on us.

She knew I was trying to get better for her and still left anyway.

Decided "meh why the fuck not"

Found out she was cheating on me anyway very early into the relationship from a mutual friend of ours.

So there's a double whammy. It's not over a girl, I'm not that shallow, but going from "forever" to "nah I'm out" to "She was messaging WHO" (last one is very recently), just decided with myself, why the fuck not.

Cheaters are terrible. I am so sorry to hear what seemed like a promising and fruitful relationship was shattered by an insensitive person.

for those who currently have a plan to commit suicide, what was the "final straw"?
was there a specific problem, person, event, thought, etc. that made you decide?
feel free to be as specific or non-specific as you'd like

for this question, i'd consider it a plan if any of the following apply:

• you intend to commit suicide and you have a specific time frame (year, month, day, situation) you will adhere to
  (i.e. "i'll commit the next time my roommates go out" or "i''ll commit in august")
• you are currently searching for a method to commit suicide with...
  you don't want to have it "just in case", you intend to plan the rest out once you find it
• you are in the process of obtaining the materials
  (i.e. you ordered materials online and they're being shipped or you're saving up money to purchase something)
• you're settling things before you die
  (i.e. figuring out who will take care of your pet, giving your stuff to loved ones, writing a will, writing a suicide note...)
• you have an "ultimatum" with yourself
  (i.e. "if [something] happens, i'm going to commit" or "if [something] doesn't happen, i'm going to commit")

As for my "final straw," I didn't exactly have a definitive moment, and my decision to CTB/construct a plan doesn't rely upon a singular variable or event. Rather, I am simply exhausted and wish to escape my suffering (in a rather selfish move). More concretely, I cannot live in an environment where I am belittled, misunderstood, weighed down with expectations, and forced to put on a performance while going through the motions simply to protect the emotions of those around me. I derive no joy from this existence, so to CTB remains my most rational decision.

 

[Uncounted1846]

By July of last year I had gone through five jobs. When they fired me after only three days I knew it was pointless to keep trying.
I've been spending the last eight months preparing for my suicide in May. I haven't bought the shotgun yet.

 

[Hollowman]

Knowing I'm going to be homeless.

 

[MrOptions]

In my 50s, unemployed, disabled, running out of money. Nothing left in this life worth living for. Got my exit plan. Just a trigger needed to be done with it.

 

[locketofroses]

The day everybody in my life decided somebody threatening to murder me was a joke. Apparently my life is a joke to everyone I know. I have gained other reasons since then, but that was the big one that pushed me to my first attempt.

 

[hurb]

You know when someone tries to make u feel better by telling u things can change there is still hope etc.
Now imagine that guy unable to say such things anymore because he knows ur ideal life is impossible to get and u are pretty much doomed.
That was when i started to plan shit out

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've had ideation for 36 years- since the age of ten- to varying intensities. But, I've always felt the need to hold on while certain loved ones were still alive. My Dad is the last remaining one and, he's approaching 80.

I suppose it's a combination really. My (being creative) coping mechanism that has helped me throughout life began to lose effect a couple of years back. Combine that with the logical likelihood that my Dad can't go on and on and it feels as if the time where suicide becomes a genuine option has to be approaching.

It made sense to prepare for that time. My hope is to go as soon as I can after my Dad although- it does depend on other things too. Seeing as SN was starting to attract more attention a few years back- it felt sensible to buy it then. The downside being that it has just expired. Plus, my Meto is even older.

So- it's not really been a change in circumstances for me- although, losing my creative drive has been pretty devastating. It's more that the ideation has always been there. Just that the barriers keeping me from doing it are on their way to falling away.

 

[Yogih212]

Rapidly declining health, wanting to end it before I lose myself

 

[bugbugbug]

I refuse to become more of a loser than I already feel that I am, and with my partner breaking up with me there truly is nothing but pain in my future anyways

 

[Rainork]

This question has got me questioning myself!
I made decision 1-2 weeks ago (it's been a bit of a blur since so can't recall exactly).
I was driving to a therapy session, surrounded by the usual suicidal voices and depressed feelings when I said to myself "I need to make the decision. I need to decide if I'm going to actually kill myself or leave that thought behind and try to live for myself".
I gave myself thatbcar journey to decide (about 40 minutes)- it wasn't until a few days later when I did decide. I was driving back from a beach town, that I went to to feel close to my Grandparents, when I realised- for me, the choice of leaving suicide behind isn't realistic.. it's been a core part of my personality since a very young age and, if I were to decide to live, I would be resigning myself to a life of misery, depression and intrusive suicidal needs that I think are so hard wired that they will always be with me.
So, in that moment, I declared 'I've decided. I'm going to put myself first for once, I'm going to leave everyone else to deal with their things and deal with my things in the only way I can really see to finally end this pain. I'm going to kill myself.' The rest of that drive home was the happiest I can ever remember feeling, I danced, I sung, I laughed and I felt a joy I'd forgotten how to feel.
I suppose I wanted to answer as I didn't have a negative final straw- more a decision to finally put myself first.
Yes, my life is also falling apart. Benefits close to being cut off, friends fallen out of my life faster than the rain falls, family members I will probably never see again- but these are all things I know I could deal with.. my decider was realising I don't want to.
The hardest part since has been the loneliness that is currently filling my daily life because I can't tell anyone the truth of why I suddenly feel okay.
Meh, c'est la vie!

 

[FadingSnowFake]

The love of my life deciding to leave my world.

 

[Untoten_]

i think it wasn't really about what it was that happened as much as just being tired of all the stress and things stacking up. the thing that happened on the day i decided i was going to actually go through with ctb isnt a problem anymore but all the other stuff is and i'm still just as tired. it was money problems and stuff with not having a job but really it could have been anything, it was more about all the other stuff that had happened already if that makes sense.

Based name and pfp big dawg

 

[singingcrow]

I've been thinking about it since I was a young teen. I always knew that this world wasn't made for me but I never had a good method so I thought I would have to live in this mental anguish until I was 90. The stress from that thought got too much for me that I would have a small panic attacks most days.

finding this site from a youtube video was a dream find for me because now I know how to ctb without ending up as a vegetable. as soon as I found the sn website I ordered from it. I guess I never had "final straw" because unfortunately i've had these dark thoughts since I was young. I just needed a good method