Discussion What makes you upset/want to ctb?

[angel_like_demon]

Personally, I get upset/want to ctb when I
1. Lose my phone (it's strange, but my phone is my everything.)
2. Lose a pet/friend/family member
3. Get yelled at

It doesn't have to want to make you ctb, but just something that makes you really upset.

I know the "what makes you want to ctb" questions have been done already, but I added a little something, so I hope it's okay.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

When my (consciously employed) denial about my inevitable financial ruin and ruined future prospects breaks and I try to look for jobs half heartedly. That's when I get a nervous breakdown and immediately stop again. — so far I have tried to suppress thinking about it, so that I can somewhat enjoy my last few months. But I'm scared about not having the guts to do it in the end and ending up totally ruined and left to rot by my friends and family, which, from a realistic standpoint, would be understandable; I see it as a duty and an honorable end to the story to eradicate myself from this earth.

 

[Mooshi]

I want to ctb all the time, but things that fuel that and make me want to ctb more is when

- When me and my mom get into an argument
- When I can't fall asleep (I really like sleep)
- Whenever I deal with social anxiety

And things that make me upset is..almost everything

 

[eksded]

-Boredom, the never ending boredom
-Loneliness and failure to connect with people
-All of my past failures and wasted years

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

Most of all That the human race aren't even at best apathetic, they are cruel, wicked, evil creatures.

 

[billyoudont]

Whenever I try talking to my few friends and realize that they matter far more to me than I do to them.

And of course, whenever life serves me a reminder of my dismal future prospects, whether personal or professional.

 

[Nem]

When I wake up after three hours of sleep that's been going on for over five years due to being in a shitty relationship and having a fucking idiot as a dr. The kidney, muscle and nervous system damage doesn't help either
Peace/hugs

 

[Walilamdzi]

My father's continual commentary on his often very subjective and bizarre perceptions of me...

 

[FreedomInDeath]

Being ugly. Having severe OCD to where I cannot even function. Being trapped in this existence. Having no future. Severe social anxiety and paranoia. Lonliness. Anger. Leaving this trap very soon, after I get a sedative. Have everything else for SN.

 

[Squiddy]

Reasons I want to ctb:
-When I'm getting yelled at
-Me feeling incompetent because there's so much I don't know that I feel like I should know
-Inability to articulate myself well verbally due to a possible learning disability

 

[wanderinglost]

Losing my husband and daughter and long term career all in 3 years, then my home, now I just want to be with my immediate family, husband & daughter.
I also churned up a shit ton of memories and night terrors due to that triggering a Pandora's box if you like of physical, (beatings) and sexual abuse by 3 family members one being my mother ,also an uncle and my grandfather between the ages of 4 until 17 when i ran away and never contacted any of them since.
I have all that swimming around now instead of safely buried deep... medic diagnosed me with PTSD which he thinks I have had since I was a small child, since I have been diagnosed by civvie doctors and psychologists as having BPD, personality disorders and night terrors.

So that is my reason for wanting to go...I have no family etc that can be there and most I definitely do not want the living ones there.
I cannot use SN or N as an option as both would give me the worst pain ever via my pancreas.

I think for me the only way to go would be a few grams of an opiate powder for self IV administration after a month or 2 supply of benzos, and possibly some spirit drink, maybe JD, I have not drank in over five years so would try a little of this before the rest in case it made me wretch.

Annnnnnd to those who sniggle at my lengthy explanation ( I know who you are ) and you shall be reprimanded .

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

1) My current situation in life.
2) The fact that I missed my teenager years and my early twenties are being wasted, because of such situation
3) The fact that I'm so screwed mentally, that even if this changed, I don't think I could become a functional adult.

 

[ForensicallyAware]

Basically because life is nothing but survival of the fittest

 

[eiyuu]

this might sound weird, but for me it's the question of free will

i want to have the choice of being able to go on my own terms. i want my final choice in life to be something that so many people aren't able to have. the thought of standing at that ledge, with the full intention of ctb gives me a surge of will.

having that option teared away from me is a horrible thought. if anything, it makes me feel like an NPC in the game of life.