Now I am 25 years old Syrian, I used to live in Saudi Arabia and after highschool I spent three years at home because my father wasn't able to send me to college.
During this time I was very suicidal. My older brother got a good job and he sent me to college in North Cyprus to study Industrial engineering after graduation I came to Dubai the worst place you can imagine for a fresh graduate to find a job.
First job I found by a help of a friend was quality control inspector in a furniture manufacturing company, the job was literally a slavery job, any middle school graduate can do the same exact job.
I decided to leave that job and try to find another. During that time I was accepted in a German university for a master degree and in Germany there are way more opening jobs for fresh graduates than here but my brother now can't pay for that because he needs to spend a lot of money on my parents, the parents who didn't support any of us by a pinny- I love them I don't hate them- .
Now I have only one hope in a company that promised me to give me 6 months unpaid internship just to gain experience and have better opportunities in the market. I expect to get their response by Monday if I don't get a response from them I will end my life.
I only had sex in my life once which is really pathetic and I didn't even finish it because I was too drunk. I had some good friends in college but now I am totally lonely.
I was an atheist in a very religious family without telling them about my beliefs which was another thing that made me suffer a lot mentally and I think that's enough I waisted 4 years of my youth for nothing and most likely even if I get this internship and even if I got a job after that I won't be paid more than a thousand dollars which is hardly enough to survive and this situation will most likely remain for at least two years. What left in my life? Will I be just a virgin in my thirties? And will I be even able at that age to find a woman who I will be really happy with? The More time I spend alone the more it becomes difficult for me to interact with people and make friends and things will just get worse.
I don't know if I need to do something before I leave, like for example paying for a prostitute at least to feel how sex feels, I tried that before and it didn't work for me I didn't have an erection at all because I didn't feel any mental attraction to her and she was ugly. I don't think I have a physical problem since I always masturbate with no problems.
During this time I was very suicidal. My older brother got a good job and he sent me to college in North Cyprus to study Industrial engineering after graduation I came to Dubai the worst place you can imagine for a fresh graduate to find a job.
First job I found by a help of a friend was quality control inspector in a furniture manufacturing company, the job was literally a slavery job, any middle school graduate can do the same exact job.
I decided to leave that job and try to find another. During that time I was accepted in a German university for a master degree and in Germany there are way more opening jobs for fresh graduates than here but my brother now can't pay for that because he needs to spend a lot of money on my parents, the parents who didn't support any of us by a pinny- I love them I don't hate them- .
Now I have only one hope in a company that promised me to give me 6 months unpaid internship just to gain experience and have better opportunities in the market. I expect to get their response by Monday if I don't get a response from them I will end my life.
I only had sex in my life once which is really pathetic and I didn't even finish it because I was too drunk. I had some good friends in college but now I am totally lonely.
I was an atheist in a very religious family without telling them about my beliefs which was another thing that made me suffer a lot mentally and I think that's enough I waisted 4 years of my youth for nothing and most likely even if I get this internship and even if I got a job after that I won't be paid more than a thousand dollars which is hardly enough to survive and this situation will most likely remain for at least two years. What left in my life? Will I be just a virgin in my thirties? And will I be even able at that age to find a woman who I will be really happy with? The More time I spend alone the more it becomes difficult for me to interact with people and make friends and things will just get worse.
I don't know if I need to do something before I leave, like for example paying for a prostitute at least to feel how sex feels, I tried that before and it didn't work for me I didn't have an erection at all because I didn't feel any mental attraction to her and she was ugly. I don't think I have a physical problem since I always masturbate with no problems.
