What made you join SS?

[Astral316]

I was looking to research partial hanging and find a particular rope at alt.suicide.methods but they seem to have discontinued that Google group. I found this site instead.

 

[Sooniwontbehuman]

I wanted to try to find someone to do it with, and research methods.

 

[Revan16]

I wanted to talk to like-minded people and research on methods. I want to do it right.

 

[Aunt Paula]

Unfortunately, its once its too late that the world realizes thier mistake. It was not your fault tho. When you are in such tremendous pain that the only answer is to shut off life, it would take something beyond drastic or literally impossible to change the situation. Dont be selfish and think of your loss, know that you will meet in the same place one day, and that he is no longer sufferring and is free. This world just isnt made for some of us.

Thanks for your feedback, GemCami. I do try to focus on the here and now, the fact that he is "free" now and not in any pain. But my mind keeps returning to that dark place of "what if" and "if only" and I'm become consumed with self blame, for having let him down, my dear little nephew. Yes, he was 30 years old and I am 50, but he will always be that dear little boy to me. I watched him grow up. I got used to not being in touch with him for those four months and I truly thought I was respecting his wishing of him needing his space from us. I also try to frame it in my mind that we are all mortal and none of us are getting out of here alive. Some of us will choose to leave a little earlier. Somehow it makes it easier when I can think that way. In today's modern society, death is hidden. In the Victorian era, sex was hidden and death was in the forefront. In today's society it's the opposite: sex is in the forefront and death is hidden.

 

[burnedCookie]

I had nothing to do all day and since I couldn't stand being awake I was taking tons of pills to sleep as much as possible, it couldn't last ad vitam so I had to find a solution.
I was a lurker here for more than a year but never registered. Then I did and it changed everything. Now I spend a large part of my waking time here and it helps.

 

[Jean Améry]

Loneliness, a strange social instinct and a quest for knowledge.

 

[GemCami]

Thanks for your feedback, GemCami. I do try to focus on the here and now, the fact that he is "free" now and not in any pain. But my mind keeps returning to that dark place of "what if" and "if only" and I'm become consumed with self blame, for having let him down, my dear little nephew. Yes, he was 30 years old and I am 50, but he will always be that dear little boy to me. I watched him grow up. I got used to not being in touch with him for those four months and I truly thought I was respecting his wishing of him needing his space from us. I also try to frame it in my mind that we are all mortal and none of us are getting out of here alive. Some of us will choose to leave a little earlier. Somehow it makes it easier when I can think that way. In today's modern society, death is hidden. In the Victorian era, sex was hidden and death was in the forefront. In today's society it's the opposite: sex is in the forefront and death is hidden.

Truth be told, i wonder how my family will feel when im gone. I was that dear little boy to them growing up, and so they clung to that instead of embracing what i tried to become happy. Im almost 30 myself.

 

[Midnight]

I could beat arround the bush about it but in the end i guess i just came here out of loneliness. Having a place to share things that are impossible to talk about irl.

 

[ddim]

To find the right exit door to quit this shitty party.

 

[epic]

Mains : Physical ailment
Toppings : Dwindling financial condition,Selfish father.

 

[Dawn0071111]

Joined to research methods, have a community that is supportive of end of life choices, to not be alone and isolated when I die

 

[mattwitt]

I found this site searching for info on the SN method. I signed up so I could ask questions about SN. I became active and stuck around to pass time and have fun with other like minded people and to even take my mind off of suicide if that makes sense.

 

[Rachel74]

I found this site searching for info on the SN method. I signed up so I could ask questions about SN. I became active and stuck around to pass time and have fun with other like minded people and to even take my mind off of suicide if that makes sense.

That really does make sense.

 

[mattwitt]

That really does make sense.

Thanks... I probably spend 99% of my time on here in the Offtopic threads : )

 

[GemCami]

That really does make sense.

And theres something about being able to discuss your pain freely, without challenge or disdain, that is so warm and freeing. It doesnt quite make me happy, but it makes me feel safe. And content.

 

[Rdc]

I'm going through a real difficult time. I lost my job and have been unemployed for awhile. I'm trying to get off 15 years of benzodiazepine use and currently suffering crippling anxiety which is not helping me in finding a job. Im also isolated and alone with no friends and only have my dad and a sister I can talk to. I never thought I would end up considering suicide however the anxiety and stress is becoming unbearable. I'm looking for an effective and the least painful way to die.

 

[Throwaway9787]

I hate myself and want to kms

 

[woxihuanni]

And theres something about being able to discuss your pain freely, without challenge or disdain, that is so warm and freeing. It doesnt quite make me happy, but it makes me feel safe. And content.

Oh yes, trying to talk to a normie is the same thing as bashing your mind against a concrete floor with tiny metal spikes all over it.

I think what they don't understand is that maybe the biggest part of pain is being belittled or patronised for that pain.

I hate myself and want to kms

For what it is worth, I like you and I'm sure I'm not the only one here.

 

[Tabbyql]

I was searching for methods and people's experiences, lost all hope was all I could find. I ended up googling if their is any forums where people talk honestly about all things suicide. And I ended up on an Australian news article about suicide and they mentioned 1 or 2. The 1st one no longer existed and the second was ss.

 

[woxihuanni]

I was searching for methods and people's experiences, lost all hope was all I could find. I ended up googling if their is any forums where people talk honestly about all things suicide. And I ended up on an Australian news article about suicide and they mentioned 1 or 2. The 1st one no longer existed and the second was ss.

That fucker, he is a source of despair for many people I'm sure, as according to him nothing ever works.

 

[Tabbyql]

That fucker, he is a source of despair for many people I'm sure, as according to him nothing ever works.

Yeah I dunno why I bothered reading it sometimes, kinda confusing, but its all I had till ss.

 

[woxihuanni]

Yeah I dunno why I bothered reading it sometimes, kinda confusing, but its all I had till ss.

Precisely, because that's what is available at first. I don't know how easy it was for others to find SS, but for me it took quite specific research questions to find my way here.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

In older than most here despite my account. I don't recognize a lot of you people that are here tbh but I scoured the internet and lurked for 6 months before I joined. Essentially, I saw someone that I related to and I wanted to speak to them and had a few questions about legal issues that happened after your death. Why I'm still here after over a year I dont know. Desperation? I'm an overwhelmingly sad girl that wakes up to the unrelenting feeling of needing to die. Nothings changed. I'm just... here. Waiting. Pleading for a death that I can't yet bring myself to do.

My beautiful nephew CTB just a couple of weeks ago on Thursday, August 22nd by hanging, on his favourite walking trail. I am in a dark place right now, as I am filled with such regret. He cut me and his other family members off around May. In my case it was after he felt that I invalidated him in an email.

He had quit his job in another town and had moved in with his girlfriend. The only contact we had with him was through his girlfriend's Facebook messenger. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing and even pushing her away. She assured me that he was safe, he was staying with her and together they were addressing his mental health issues. He loved her so much and she was so dedicated to him, I never thought that him ending his life would even be a possibility.

In those four months, he missed mother's day, Father's Day and his dad's birthday (my brother who is otherwise alone). He also would not make contact with us after I begged through messages to girlfriend, when my dad (his grandfather) was very ill in the hospital and could have died.

A week before my nephew took his life, he did wrote to my mom after she threatened to his girlfriend to file a missing person's report. He told her that my brother was a "psychopath" and that he couldn't talk to me because all I did was invalidate him. He also said that every day for him was a "struggle to stay alive". I didn't even take that statement seriously because I thought he was being dramatic! I could have written to his girlfriend, begged for forgiveness! I could have told him that I was always here for support no matter what!

We were so afraid that he'd push my mom away the way he pushed me away, she wrote this response: "I'm so sorry you've been out through so much. Please know that I love you unconditionally and I will always be here for you." He never responded to that message.

I don't know how I'll continue to live with the knowledge that he felt that way about me at the time that he left. My brother would have done absolutely anything for him. My mom never showed my brother that message. I guess the original question to this post was "why did you come to Sanctioned Suicide?" I guess I'm here because I want to understand. I want to understand why he did it, and maybe that he would have done it even if he hadn't been angry with me.

As the days go on, I feel worse, and I feel
So responsible. According to the coroners report, the method was "quick with minimal pain." I think that is the only thing I taking comfort in. He had obviously researched this well, to have executed it with such efficiency. Even after that note to my mom, his girlfriend had written my mom back telling her "he is taking charge of his mental help, under the care of a psychiatriat and I am Helping him do that. He is getting better by the day." She promised me and my mom she would keep us updated. We had to find out about his suicide through a Facebook post! His mother didn't want my brother to be at the funeral home and she didn't want him to have ashes. She wanted to erase us.

I have a thread I made called "to those who came from the FB post". It might be able to explain and answer some of your questions. I don't know how to copy and paste a thread title on here. Maybe someone else can do it

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/psa-to-those-who-came-from-the-fb-post.16780/

Oh. Well I guess that way works too. Anyway, read it. Maybe it'll help

 

[Sargasm]

I was searching for methods and people's experiences, lost all hope was all I could find.

That fucker, he is a source of despair for many people I'm sure, as according to him nothing ever works.

Yeah I dunno why I bothered reading it sometimes, kinda confusing, but its all I had till ss.

Precisely, because that's what is available at first. I don't know how easy it was for others to find SS, but for me it took quite specific research questions to find my way here.

If you'll forgive my quoting spree, LostAllHope was the only site I came across that seemed to offer useful information when I started seriously researching CTB methods. I found it simply by googling ''how to kill myself''. I spent a good two months obsessively reading everything there. It wasn't until I came across a random Reddit post about Shawn Shatto where someone mentioned a "pro-suicide" website (yeah I know that's just how they referred to it) that gave her detailed instructions, as well as (not true) encouraging her to kill herself. I read some articles about Shatto and someone mentioned the name for this site in the comment section.

So yeah, LostAllHope is definitely easier to find in general but far less useful, except for some of the statistical data it provides and a list of commonly known CTB methods or those currently focused-upon by the media/government. The rest is barely one step above common sense with some pessimistic cautionary tales thrown in so no one could accuse the site of encouraging people to CTB.

EDIT: Added some clarifications and additional information, as well as fixing the inevitable typo(s).

 

[EmptySteph62]

I needed a place to talk about what I'm gonna through and thinking of without being judged or hospitalized and I wanted to be able to talk to people who truly understand

 

[StalkedByDeath]

I was looking into suspension/partial hanging after losing hope of getting my hands on either of my two preferred methods. After relentless searching I stumbled across a link to the "How to hang yourself" thread on here.

 

[Mr2005]

What is it with hating people that are involuntarily celebate? They have a shit enough time as it is. Anyway reddit made me join this site, more specifically someone on it. It's not that I don't appreciate the 'pro life ' stuff others hate it just wasn't for me. I ended up helping others myself and now I find I'm just doing the same thing on here

 

[Mr2005]

So do you

 

[peaceminusbts]

I was looking for methods online when I stumbled upon SS. I joined to further deepen my research on methods and stayed because of the support given by the forum and members.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Learn about suicide and advise others on suicide. Plus reddit SS was taken down.