Discussion What keeps you going each day?

[klm]

Is there anything that keeps you going as in just trying to make it to the next day(living for tomorrow).
For me personally I don't wanna be forgotten and also I can't stand the thought of "her" being with someone else, other than that I dont seem to care about much anymore.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

The thought of what it would but my husband through

 

[Cave Johnson]

I genuinely don't know. I've been apathetic for weeks and I feel like I've done little more than exist. I've made plans with my little brother this Friday so I can tell him that I plan on CBTing. It's possible that if I get this job I've submitted my resume for I may hold on longer as it's in another state and the thought that existence may be slightly better 500 Miles from my parents in a state where cannabis is legal.

 

[Mr2005]

My music

 

[ClonesAnnoyMe]

Yo I feel your pain my ex got a new boyfriend and I was pissed for the first couple days but you get over it,

just smoke some good weed and find reasons to laugh

For me it's my family and weed that keep me alive, it's the hope that tomorrow will be better and that if I study well I can achieve the life I wanted to live.

You play video games?

I genuinely don't know. I've been apathetic for weeks and I feel like I've done little more than exist. I've made plans with my little brother this Friday so I can tell him that I plan on CBTing. It's possible that if I get this job I've submitted my resume for I may hold on longer as it's in another state and the thought that existence may be slightly better 500 Miles from my parents in a state where cannabis is legal.

Your output into the world DOES not equal your value. I've learned that the hard way.
Moving away sounds dope and I think thats a good idea if that will make you happy

 

[rntmss]

Sports, video games, and music.

There are a couple of concerts that I'm looking forward to and that really pulls me back from the edge.

 

[Cave Johnson]

Yo I feel your pain my ex got a new boyfriend and I was pissed for the first couple days but you get over it,

just smoke some good weed and find reasons to laugh

For me it's my family and weed that keep me alive, it's the hope that tomorrow will be better and that if I study well I can achieve the life I wanted to live.

You play video games?

I'd agree that losing a boy/girlfriend honestly isn't worth the attention that it's given by a lot of people(*I used to be one of these people, I speak from experience). That said, just smoking weed and finding reasons to laugh really doesn't work because
-1) depending on the country/state you are in having smoked weed in the last ~30 days will prevent you from attaining work and prevent you from improving your life. Also, while it's fine for those under 23 to smoke occasionally, chromic consumption of cannabis while the brain is developing can have negative impacts on neurological development. Just a note there.
-2) laughing means little. I find videos on YouTube that make me laugh constantly(It's basically all I've been doing today) but I'm not any happier or any more content with my existence

 

[Dead beat dad]

Is there anything that keeps you going as in just trying to make it to the next day(living for tomorrow).
For me personally I don't wanna be forgotten and also I can't stand the thought of "her" being with someone else, other than that I dont seem to care about much anymore.

Hey brother, I'm sorry to hear about your despondence. Who is it you do not want to forget you?
Also I'm sorry that the thought of seeing someone you care about deeply with someone else is causing you such pain.
There is clearly a lot of love inside you. You can be love and kindness and peace both to yourself as well as the world, and often it will not reciprocate, this doesn't make you bad or not worthy brother.
The thing that keeps me going is parental responsibility (although that appears to becoming less of an issue).
I wish you peace on your journey brother, whatever and where ever it takes you. There is love for you in this world too.
DBD

 

[ClonesAnnoyMe]

I'd agree that losing a boy/girlfriend honestly isn't worth the attention that it's given by a lot of people(*I used to be one of these people, I speak from experience). That said, just smoking weed and finding reasons to laugh really doesn't work because
-1) depending on the country/state you are in having smoked weed in the last ~30 days will prevent you from attaining work and prevent you from improving your life. Also, while it's fine for those under 23 to smoke occasionally, chromic consumption of cannabis while the brain is developing can have negative impacts on neurological development. Just a note there.
-2) laughing means little. I find videos on YouTube that make me laugh constantly(It's basically all I've been doing today) but I'm not any happier or any more content with my existence

Dude you're getting ready to cbt, you should try smoking weed. I was the same way when I was like 13 and it honestly saved my life. Getting high became what I lived for, it's not like heroin but it is very addictive. Now I have bigger goals then getting high but I still smoke multiple times a day

 

[Green Destiny]

Stupid survival instinct mostly. And taking care of my siblings dogs.

 

[Cave Johnson]

Dude you're getting ready to cbt, you should try smoking weed. I was the same way when I was like 13 and it honestly saved my life. Getting high became what I lived for, it's not like heroin but it is very addictive. Now I have bigger goals then getting high but I still smoke multiple times a day

I have, I'm an avid pothead. A lot of what I'm wanting to type out simply isn't relevant in the context of this conversation, however, weed/cannabis/marijuana is not addictive. You can fall into a dependence with it but it's not the same thing as addiction.
I'm glad that you have goals beyond getting high, that's great, but it's also a "sum ergo tus" or "it worked for me so it'll work for you." which simply cannot be logically extrapolated.
Agan, glad you've got goals, that's a good thing.

 

[ClonesAnnoyMe]

I have, I'm an avid pothead. A lot of what I'm wanting to type out simply isn't relevant in the context of this conversation, however, weed/cannabis/marijuana is not addictive. You can fall into a dependence with it but it's not the same thing as addiction.
I'm glad that you have goals beyond getting high, that's great, but it's also a "sum ergo tus" or "it worked for me so it'll work for you." which simply cannot be logically extrapolated.
Agan, glad you've got goals, that's a good thing.

Yes but what u gotta understand is I didn't have goals for like 6 months of my life and had attempted suicide 4 times total in that time period.

Can you tell me about why you want to ctb?

 

[Cave Johnson]

Yes but what u gotta understand is I didn't have goals for like 6 months of my life and had attempted suicide 4 times total in that time period.

Can you tell me about why you want to ctb?

Sure, not a problem. I've got a bit of a laundry list of things though. I'll try to keep it brief.
1) Severe anxiety and depression. Neither are medicated, and when combined with ADHD/ADD I get some serious self-loathing.
2) I have gender dydphoria/body dismorphia, compounds the self-loathing.
3) I'm in constant pain and have been for 16 years and I can't remember what not being in pain feels like
Those are compounded by only having 2 people I'd even come close to considering friends(one of which is about 500 miles away, the other I've never met in person and is over 1500 miles away), the philosophical arguments of purposelessness and lack of free will.
I can of course go into further detail on any one of these if you like.

 

[randomz]

What keeps me going is pretty much my SI and the masochistic thought that maybe, if I hold on a little while longer, some help outside of me will come and help me with all my problems and I will be able to live a simple but happy life.
It's painful but my GF, videogames and yu-gi-oh/MTG help me make the life pain a bit more bearable. Don't know for how long though.

 

[ClonesAnnoyMe]

What keeps me going is pretty much my SI and the masochistic thought that maybe, if I hold on a little while longer, some help outside of me will come and help me with all my problems and I will be able to live a simple but happy life.
It's painful but my GF, videogames and yu-gi-oh/MTG help me make the life pain a bit more bearable. Don't know for how long though.

Bro you have a girlfriend please do not kill yourself if she really loves you, that would destroy her. I don't mean to guilt trip you but honestly, I'm glad video games work for you

Sure, not a problem. I've got a bit of a laundry list of things though. I'll try to keep it brief.
1) Severe anxiety and depression. Neither are medicated, and when combined with ADHD/ADD I get some serious self-loathing.
2) I have gender dydphoria/body dismorphia, compounds the self-loathing.
3) I'm in constant pain and have been for 16 years and I can't remember what not being in pain feels like
Those are compounded by only having 2 people I'd even come close to considering friends(one of which is about 500 miles away, the other I've never met in person and is over 1500 miles away), the philosophical arguments of purposelessness and lack of free will.
I can of course go into further detail on any one of these if you like.

Im really sorry to hear ab your suffering. I can not imagine. I do agree with you also on the lack of free will. Have you tried getting some pain killers from the doctor?

Medical marijuana?

 

[faust]

@ClonesAnnoyMe Sorry, I might be wrong, but seems that you are not familiar with pro-choice philosophy.

 

[Cave Johnson]

Im really sorry to hear ab your suffering. I can not imagine. I do agree with you also on the lack of free will. Have you tried getting some pain killers from the doctor?

Medical marijuana?

I'd rather not hijack this thread to go in depth about myself, I did make one a couple days ago(linked below) where you can comment and we can talk about it in depth if you'd like.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/trying-to-make-sure-i-look-at-it-from-every-angle.31512/

@ClonesAnnoyMe Sorry, I might be wrong, but seems that you are not familiar with pro-choice philosophy.

I've noticed that a bit as well. Been trying not to hijack other threads to discuss it with him.

 

[BearNoMore]

Guilt used to keep me here. The guilt of hurting my father and my brother and my girlfriend. I lost her and now I don't care about the guilt anymore.

I guess temporarily success did too. A year and a half ago before my first attempt I was making six figures a year in my mid-20s. Traveling the world. Doing whatever I pleased. My bodybuilding hobby was going well. I had some positives. But my mental illnesses ruined my career and I'm unemployed now for the past year or so. My savings are running out.

Now? I'm ready to CTB but what has kept me here this week is the hope that my girlfriend and I can mend things. So basically hope I can get my love back.

- Bear
ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

 

[randomz]

Bro you have a girlfriend please do not kill yourself if she really loves you, that would destroy her. I don't mean to guilt trip you but honestly, I'm glad video games work for you

They don't really. They don't really make me happy as they used to, but at least they are not a source of anxiety, which is good enough. As for my girlfriend - you are absolutely right, you are not guilt tripping me. I told her about my desire to end it all, and she really tries her best to help me especially considering the fact she herself is in my situation too. But you know, I don''t really believe I am the one capable of giving her everything that she deserves, and her life with me won't exactly be as rewarding and happy as it should be, so in a way, in a cruel, sadistic way, she is better off without me in the picture.

Guilt used to keep me here. The guilt of hurting my father and my brother and my girlfriend. I lost her and now I don't care about the guilt anymore.

I guess temporarily success did too. A year and a half ago before my first attempt I was making six figures a year in my mid-20s. Traveling the world. Doing whatever I pleased. My bodybuilding hobby was going well. I had some positives. But my mental illnesses ruined my career and I'm unemployed now for the past year or so. My savings are running out.

Now? I'm ready to CTB but what has kept me here this week is the hope that my girlfriend and I can mend things. So basically hope I can get my love back.

- Bear
ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

I hope everyhting works out for you. I am sure it will, and you will be on top of things again.

 

[Cevapcici]

I want to experience the workforce and being independent. I had so many places I wanted to travel. I guess what keeps me going is dissociation, false hope, and delusions, as it always did.

 

[ClonesAnnoyMe]

They don't really. They don't really make me happy as they used to, but at least they are not a source of anxiety, which is good enough. As for my girlfriend - you are absolutely right, you are not guilt tripping me. I told her about my desire to end it all, and she really tries her best to help me especially considering the fact she herself is in my situation too. But you know, I don''t really believe I am the one capable of giving her everything that she deserves, and her life with me won't exactly be as rewarding and happy as it should be, so in a way, in a cruel, sadistic way, she is better off without me in the picture.


I hope everyhting works out for you. I am sure it will, and you will be on top of things again.

Dude she will never be able to move on if you ctb, if both of you are in the same situation that's terrible but atleast you have each other, that's wonderful.

I hope you find peace but I'm going to be fully honest and say I think you should take your time and just live life moment to moment, don't worry about ctb because you can always come back to it in the future.

Hell, I was suicidal just this week but had some realizations that we have more strength/power than we realize

 

[Cave Johnson]

Dude she will never be able to move on if you ctb, if both of you are in the same situation that's terrible but atleast you have each other, that's wonderful.

I hope you find peace but I'm going to be fully honest and say I think you should take your time and just live life moment to moment, don't worry about ctb because you can always come back to it in the future.

Hell, I was suicidal just this week but had some realizations that we have more strength/power than we realize

I've been trying to avoid doing this, but with respect, it doesn't seem you have a firm grasp on the pro-choice philosophy. I really don't want to hijack this thread that's on an entirely separate topic though. I invite you to please PM me so we can discuss this more at length

 

[ClonesAnnoyMe]

I don't think I've made enough posts to PM unfortunately and I am not familiar with pro life but I can't watch someone throw their life away when they seem like a strong person, I respect the decision you make regardless I just know that you got this. You don't have to end your life and I think you know that

 

[Cave Johnson]

I don't think I've made enough posts to PM unfortunately and I am not familiar with pro life but I can't watch someone throw their life away when they seem like a strong person, I respect the decision you make regardless I just know that you got this. You don't have to end your life and I think you know that

You have, but it seems that this is going to need another response regardless. I'll try to be frank which could possibly come across as rude, but please know it's not intended as such. Also, I'm trying to type this out somewhat quickly and I doubt it will be as accurate as I would like.
You don't know that he/she/they/I "have got this" without an in-depth and very lengthy conversation about their specific circumstances and mental state. Even then, what someone is or is not capable of doesn't directly correlate to that circumstance+mental state.
Pro-choice in regards to suicide is the same as pro-choice in regards to abortion. Making someone feel guilty or saying "you can handle the situation if you only do X" is a rather explicate pro-life approach. Discussing the pros/cons of making the choice, discussing why they want to make the choice and providing a perspective they can interact with without being pushy so that they can make sure they've fully thought through the decision and it's really what they want is a much more pro-choice approach.
Again, this isn't as accurate as I'd like, but it's serviceable.
And again, you have made enough posts to PM, please PM me if you wish to discuss this at length.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

What makes me carry on? At the moment, sheer bloody minded determination and stubbornness. There is nothing left in the pot but one foot goes in front of the other, at least for the moment. Survival instinct. I am the biological machine I was made to be.

 

[faust]

@ClonesAnnoyMe "You don't have to end your life and I think you know that", - it is up to anybody there to decide to stay or to go. Nobody has to end their lives until they decide that. The thing is that you are telling people to stop, not to jump, trying to convince to stay, but this is not a type of help people deserve. This is not good when you say that to desperate people who are tired of hearing such things. I know you are trying to help, but once you will tell that to a person who really has no chances the things will improve, you may just remind them they have no reasons to stay. Just think about that.

 

[Delia]

Survival instinct

 

[GoingNowhereFast]

The fear of physical pain has got in the way for me.. if I wasn't such a pussy I would've ctb by now

 

[Cave Johnson]

The fear of physical pain has got in the way for me.. if I wasn't such a pussy I would've ctb by now

Yeah, I know this feel. The sensation that the only thing holding you back is cowardice

 

[ClonesAnnoyMe]

@ClonesAnnoyMe "You don't have to end your life and I think you know that", - it is up to anybody there to decide to stay or to go. Nobody has to end their lives until they decide that. The thing is that you are telling people to stop, not to jump, trying to convince to stay, but this is not a type of help people deserve. This is not good when you say that to desperate people who are tired of hearing such things. I know you are trying to help, but once you will tell that to a person who really has no chances the things will improve, you may just remind them they have no reasons to stay. Just think about that.

I think about that, and I assess every situation accordingly. If I think people are about to turn themselves into a vegetable or they do have a very good chance of saving themselves, I help out