What keeps you from ctb?

[Toonloon]

I just lost my job but I'm not freaking out. I'm feeling at ease cause I have a plan to ctb. I give myself rules for attempting and I have a list of what may constitute for keeping me here. One thing was my job that's gone. Another is money and being able to financially support myself.

If I can't support myself than I'll ctb by the end of the month. That's my one rule I have that keeps me here. If I have the ability to pay my rent and bills I stay another month breathing. What about y'all? What keeps you here?

 

[x~Sophia~x]

My daughter keeps me here, and my two dogs.
But my daughter is actively suicidal, and if she goes, then so do I.
I hope you can work things out @Toonloon . Hugs x

 

[the_final_countdown]

I'm trying.

Can't overcome SI. Can't overcome it. Trying. Trying.

I spend most of my days just trying to manage the discomfort from my health problems.

I wouldn't want to be alive even if I was a billionaire. Just too much discomfort and pain.

What terrifies me the most is the prospect of living the next couple decades of my life like this.

It's too much to bear. I don't want it.

 

[booray]

What's keeping me here is that I haven't put my affairs in order yet. I need to make a will for starters, and I also own a home that's filled with stuff. If I don't pack it up, move out, and sell it, then my family will be left to deal with that. The problem is that I'm so f***ing depressed that I can't even get my ass out of bed to deal with this sh**! Even if I was able to, I know that my 81-yo mom would be devastated if I should ctb. My sister hangs that over my head every time I tell her that I just don't want to live anymore.

 

[angelfeather]

Guilt has so far stopped me and maybe my survival instinct as I've had plenty of chances. My Dr knows what I'm planning and has said to me "what about your children and those that love you?" All I think is don't my feelings count?...

 

[ShellofmyFormerSelf]

Just fears of whether I'm going to be afraid in my last moments of consciousness... whether I will feel regret... whether it would be painful...

That's what is stopping me.

 

[Sadpat]

The thought of leaving my parents behind, especially my dad. Him and I didn't have a particularly good relationship when i was younger and now every time i talk to him and we say our goodbyes he starts crying and tearing up with remorse. Tells me how he fucked up and "how I wasn't a mistake" like he used to tell me. Now every time I'm seriously trying to consider a date it's the only thing I can think about.

 

[abruptum]

it's really just circumstances, nothing has turned up as an easy way to ctb

 

[Chronicillness]

Extreme fear. Just so much fear.

 

[Blue Rose]

My parents and my boyfriend.

 

[Disappointered]

My gf.

 

[fred farkle]

I want to end this life but I dont want to be nothing for eternity.

 

[SofieSofie]

What's keeping me here is that I haven't put my affairs in order yet. I need to make a will for starters, and I also own a home that's filled with stuff. If I don't pack it up, move out, and sell it, then my family will be left to deal with that. The problem is that I'm so f***ing depressed that I can't even get my ass out of bed to deal with this sh**! Even if I was able to, I know that my 81-yo mom would be devastated if I should ctb. My sister hangs that over my head every time I tell her that I just don't want to live anymore.

Well, that resembles my situation.
I want to arrange things to make it less difficult for my daughters to empty my house and take care of affairs.
And then there's also my very old dad, whom I'm taking care of so I'll have to wait until he's gone.
He's planning to reach at least a 100, if he does indeed I have some more years to go
I've arranged my will and my funeral, got rid of a lot of stuff already but I'm not really in a hurry as it seems to me that I still have some years to plough through.
But my dad got vaccinated twice now, against my advice, so my time could be very well near soon. Scary...!

 

[Trisolaris]

Nothing keeps me here. I just don't have access to a reliable method.

 

[placeholder]

For me I waiting to ask my doctor is there a treatment to stop wasting of my muscle? I need her answer I want to make sure. And I am religious so it is not easy to kill myself due to fear.

 

[naiad]

My dog. I can't find him a new home. I'm not able to part with him, but I also don't want to kill him with myself.

 

[BehindTheWall]

My gf.