What I realized is that most people wouldn't last a week in my life.
During the pandemic so many people started acting loopy and having a hard time. Bitching and moaning about being locked inside or not being able to see their friends or whatnot. Try having over 10 years of social anxiety. Try being locked in your room day after day and week after week and month after month. Try having no social interaction IRL for months or years. Try not being able to hug or touch anyone. Or rely on anyone else when you're down.
Try not being able to get a job because of how fucked up in the head you are. Not being able to build a life at all and having people judge you for it too. All the while you're aging. Like you're trapped in the prison that is your own body and mind.
Try reaching out to all these organizations which are supposedly there to help you only to not be helped and blocked off every single fucking time because of some arcane rule or stupid technicality or whatever else they can come up with. All stuff which just pushes you further into realizing that really nobody is here to help you.
Try being in constant, heartrending pain every moment of every day. That makes you want to cry and scream constantly. And try wrestling through that all alone day after day after day after day.
Try not only having no prospect for like a month. But no prospects for years and years. And no change in the future for that.
Try "putting yourself out there" only to be rejected by everyone. All these "good people." People who will put tear emoticons up on Facebook when someone kills themselves, but will avoid you like the plague or get rid of you if you struggle with depression.
Try fighting all of this so hard and putting in so much effort to improve your life only to see your life collapse in on itself more and more every single year. Every single year my life seems to get worse. It's like struggling in quicksand.
No, 99% of the people who call suicide the "coward's way out" or talk to me as if I'm just lazy or not trying hard enough. Those people would not last a week in my life. They would be swallowing a whole bottle of sleeping pills faster than you could turn the page of the calendar.
I'm not talking about the people on this forum, of course. I'm sure that a lot of you guys know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about so many people out there in society. People going about living mostly happy lives. Who don't realize the true depths of pain and misery a person can feel and how hard it is to fight through that day after day after day after day all alone, with no one to talk to, no one to care, no one to hug you, no one to look forward to, nothing to hope for, and nothing in your life.
They have no concept of it. They have no right to judge it for one second. And if somehow everyone could experience a week in my life once, they would realize that society needs way more help, way more tolerance of outcasts and way more access to suicidal means. Maybe if every single one of them finally understood the excruciating pain of what it was like to be tortured by your own mind every day from morning to night, society would finally change for the better.
During the pandemic so many people started acting loopy and having a hard time. Bitching and moaning about being locked inside or not being able to see their friends or whatnot. Try having over 10 years of social anxiety. Try being locked in your room day after day and week after week and month after month. Try having no social interaction IRL for months or years. Try not being able to hug or touch anyone. Or rely on anyone else when you're down.
Try not being able to get a job because of how fucked up in the head you are. Not being able to build a life at all and having people judge you for it too. All the while you're aging. Like you're trapped in the prison that is your own body and mind.
Try reaching out to all these organizations which are supposedly there to help you only to not be helped and blocked off every single fucking time because of some arcane rule or stupid technicality or whatever else they can come up with. All stuff which just pushes you further into realizing that really nobody is here to help you.
Try being in constant, heartrending pain every moment of every day. That makes you want to cry and scream constantly. And try wrestling through that all alone day after day after day after day.
Try not only having no prospect for like a month. But no prospects for years and years. And no change in the future for that.
Try "putting yourself out there" only to be rejected by everyone. All these "good people." People who will put tear emoticons up on Facebook when someone kills themselves, but will avoid you like the plague or get rid of you if you struggle with depression.
Try fighting all of this so hard and putting in so much effort to improve your life only to see your life collapse in on itself more and more every single year. Every single year my life seems to get worse. It's like struggling in quicksand.
No, 99% of the people who call suicide the "coward's way out" or talk to me as if I'm just lazy or not trying hard enough. Those people would not last a week in my life. They would be swallowing a whole bottle of sleeping pills faster than you could turn the page of the calendar.
I'm not talking about the people on this forum, of course. I'm sure that a lot of you guys know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about so many people out there in society. People going about living mostly happy lives. Who don't realize the true depths of pain and misery a person can feel and how hard it is to fight through that day after day after day after day all alone, with no one to talk to, no one to care, no one to hug you, no one to look forward to, nothing to hope for, and nothing in your life.
They have no concept of it. They have no right to judge it for one second. And if somehow everyone could experience a week in my life once, they would realize that society needs way more help, way more tolerance of outcasts and way more access to suicidal means. Maybe if every single one of them finally understood the excruciating pain of what it was like to be tortured by your own mind every day from morning to night, society would finally change for the better.
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