What it takes to die

[brokensea]

Feeling really low today. I realized all the steps internally that have to be taken before you're ready to take the next step.

1. You stop caring enough about any family and friends and how sad they will be or what will happen to them when you're gone.

2. You have to get over any fears of the process of dying and the afterlife.

3. You have to have no hope for the future or that things will ever get better. Not a drop of hope.

4. You have to get over the mental and biological survival instinct your body has.

I'm not sure which of these is the hardest but I feel they all have to be overcome in order to CTB. I am trying to go through most of them (except #3) to get to the point I need to in order to finally end all of this pain.

Which one is hardest for you?

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Probably 2 and 4 which are kind of connected. I don't feel a shred of guilt about leaving and that's not something I had to work on developing; life was just always too painful. Having a family that failed you helps matters. So that's a feeling a bit foreign to me, though of course I don't blame anyone at all for being unable to CTB because of that. I don't really feel any hope, repeated life themes of hardship got rid of that, though I think it's unrealistic to eliminate all ambivalence; it's just the nature of it. I think the better question to ask ourselves is "is it worth it to me?"

So yeah 2 and 4. The innate fear of death and its sheer finality is just very impervious to being overriden with logic and reason, those things being more recent parts of our brain. It's worse with methods like SN that are not immediate at all (and which may come with physical unpleasantness) because there is a window that probably feels agonizingly long in which you can very easily thwart yourself. A lot of mental steeling is needed beforehand.

 

[makethepainstop]

My greatest fears about ctb, are failure, it brain damage. I must get it right this time.

 

[FuneralCry]

The only thing that actually holds me back is the fact that actually going through with ctb is difficult for me. I would fear the method failing. I wish I could disappear without having to ever ctb and just forget about everything.

I don't fear an afterlife, I believe that when we die, we cease to exist and that is it. The thought of death brings me a lot of comfort. Such a thing as 'hope' could never exist for me. I want nothing to do with life and I always view non existence as being the most preferable option.

I do believe that for me thinking about those left behind would be irrational thinking as I would simply not be there to see the affect that my death has on others. Someone would need a consciousness to care about anything anyway and non existence is the absence of everything. To die as soon as possible would be the best thing for me, it makes so much sense to leave this world, but of course it's not easy to do so.

 

[brokensea]

Probably 2 and 4 which are kind of connected. I don't feel a shred of guilt about leaving and that's not something I had to work on developing; life was just always too painful. Having a family that failed you helps matters. So that's a feeling a bit foreign to me, though of course I don't blame anyone at all for being unable to CTB because of that. I don't really feel any hope, repeated life themes of hardship got rid of that, though I think it's unrealistic to eliminate all ambivalence; it's just the nature of it. I think the better question to ask ourselves is "is it worth it to me?"

So yeah 2 and 4. The innate fear of death and its sheer finality is just very impervious to being overriden with logic and reason, those things being more recent parts of our brain. It's worse with methods like SN that are not immediate at all (and which may come with physical unpleasantness) because there is a window that probably feels agonizingly long in which you can very easily thwart yourself. A lot of mental steeling is needed beforehand.

I think that is a good point you have to ask yourself is it worth it. More than ever fully being rid of all those things.

Thanks to everyone for sharing their thoughts as well.

 

[akirat9]

it take no talking to anyone

 

[Hope:-)]

2 and 4. The process of dying scares me but I am using benzos and possibly alcohol to help with that. The survival instinct thing worries me also but I'm hoping sedatives will make me more relaxed about the whole thing. I think I will leave my phone with no charge so I can't phone the police. Pretty hardcore but I have to guarantee success

 

[madiroze]

The easiest mental exercise is realising how utterly insignificant you are in the grand scheme and how your passing will be just as insignificant (except for the worms, they will rejoice).

For many people this idea is terrifying because they are trapped by ego and in turn, their own immortality whether it be through procreation or having a legacy (family, status, a job, material possessions). Whereas I find the idea of being a fleeting dust particle in the wind so liberating that I know my imminent death is the only time I have actually felt alive and really myself. Being a slave to your own ego is a paperweight around your neck but only in the context of wanting to die. So yes, I say you must somehow unshackle the ego from your mind. That doesn't mean you look down on yourself, you do not look at yourself as a failure, you are a wonderous being who is just highly aware of how the only "free will" you have is the renouncing of your ego. everything else we are driven by a biological, innate drive to live and continue our suffering on this planet.

 

[brokensea]

The easiest mental exercise is realising how utterly insignificant you are in the grand scheme and how your passing will be just as insignificant (except for the worms, they will rejoice).

For many people this idea is terrifying because they are trapped by ego and in turn, their own immortality whether it be through procreation or having a legacy (family, status, a job, material possessions). Whereas I find the idea of being a fleeting dust particle in the wind so liberating that I know my imminent death is the only time I have actually felt alive and really myself. Being a slave to your own ego is a paperweight around your neck but only in the context of wanting to die. So yes, I say you must somehow unshackle the ego from your mind. That doesn't mean you look down on yourself, you do not look at yourself as a failure, you are a wonderous being who is just highly aware of how the only "free will" you have is the renouncing of your ego. everything else we are driven by a biological, innate drive to live and continue our suffering on this planet.

Well said.

 

[Nirrend]

Feeling really low today. I realized all the steps internally that have to be taken before you're ready to take the next step.

1. You stop caring enough about any family and friends and how sad they will be or what will happen to them when you're gone.

2. You have to get over any fears of the process of dying and the afterlife.

3. You have to have no hope for the future or that things will ever get better. Not a drop of hope.

4. You have to get over the mental and biological survival instinct your body has.

I'm not sure which of these is the hardest but I feel they all have to be overcome in order to CTB. I am trying to go through most of them (except #3) to get to the point I need to in order to finally end all of this pain.

Which one is hardest for you?

Hi @brokensea !

Your analysis is absolutely perfect, I always thought that some really important points had to be checked before a successful ctb. If we exclude environmental factors (reliability of the method, enough time to die without being saved) and if we only focus on endogenous factors, I would say that these 4 points are crucials.

But, to be honest, I would have added 2 more points :

5) You have to be enough confident in yourself to act

6) You have to isolate yourself from factors that could bring you back to reality (staying absolutely lonely make me feel like ctb is the ideal choice, but when I see people, It's like taking a slap in my face from reality)

In fact, I think that when all of these factors are accomplished, I think that, at this moment, you'll turn into a robot/automatic mode where you'll just act without questioning !

Anyway, thank you for this informative reflexion

Sending you love <3

 

[brokensea]

Hi @brokensea !

Your analysis is absolutely perfect, I always thought that some really important points had to be checked before a successful ctb. If we exclude environmental factors (reliability of the method, enough time to die without being saved) and if we only focus on endogenous factors, I would say that these 4 points are crucials.

But, to be honest, I would have added 2 more points :

5) You have to be enough confident in yourself to act

6) You have to isolate yourself from factors that could bring you back to reality (staying absolutely lonely make me feel like ctb is the ideal choice, but when I see people, It's like taking a slap in my face from reality)

In fact, I think that when all of these factors are accomplished, I think that, at this moment, you'll turn into a robot/automatic mode where you'll just act without questioning !

Anyway, thank you for this informative reflexion

Sending you love <3

Thank you for sharing your thoughts my friend.

 

[vegetables&sadness]

I've had 1-3 sorted for several years, 4 is the kicker. SI is the biggest obstacle for me, I can be resolute right up until that first cut/mouthful of pills etc. but then SI rears its ugly head and we're back to square one.