what is your view on post traumatic growth?

[wildflowers1996]

have you heard of this?
my colleague mentioned it and idk what to think about it - she quoted "I'm better off healed than I ever was unbroken"
she's not saying it flippantly, I know she's had a very traumatic life
but I also know some people will say trauma did not make them stronger, it only hurts
I feel like maybe I have more empathy than I would have done if I hadn't suffered so much, but it still doesn't feel like the suffering was worth it in my case - I haven't been able to have a positive enough impact on others' lives for my suffering to have been worth it

 

[Cryptonite]

I believe most often trauma only breaks people and the "makes me stronger" narrative is just used to conceal this painful fact.

 

[Death is my goal]

trauma doesn't make you stronger tf is this bullshit

 

[moondazed]

have you heard of this?
my colleague mentioned it and idk what to think about it - she quoted "I'm better off healed than I ever was unbroken"
she's not saying it flippantly, I know she's had a very traumatic life
but I also know some people will say trauma did not make them stronger, it only hurts
I feel like maybe I have more empathy than I would have done if I hadn't suffered so much, but it still doesn't feel like the suffering was worth it in my case - I haven't been able to have a positive enough impact on others' lives for my suffering to have been worth it

I think it's very personal…

My life very specifically facilitated growth given all my trauma. I came from a poor family and most only have GEDs, or otherwise just a high school diploma. I moved all the time, between different states, different caretakers, during childhood, so the only staple I had was school and getting good grades - so I focused on that and it led me to (eventually) getting an advanced degree, even though I was 30 when I finished. First in my family to do that. I essentially had to re-raise myself in my mid-late 20s, and that gave me a ton of independence that I otherwise didn't have, being pretty coddled and sheltered growing up.

I also am pretty resilient to stress due to having extreme anxiety growing up and just, knowing how to deal with it? I was always told I was wise for my age, even as a child. I have issues that I wish I didn't have, I wish I didn't go through all the stuff I did. I still cry a lot over stuff that happened 10+ years ago. I wish I had a family that could have taken me on vacations and do fun activities instead of just being poor… but hey I don't just go and blow my money now that I have it, so maybe that's good. But, really I do wish things would have been more stable. I think I'd be more a sociable person and not so lonely.

Trauma comes with its ups and down, and healing CAN make you stronger, but it's not a guarantee, at all. Some things simply cannot be healed, even for me, and I just learned how to cope.

 

[wildflowers1996]

yeah honestly I just feel like I am broken - I'm too far gone- I don't feel like I can use my pain to my advantage - at least, not enough. It's destroyed my life. And I'm so sorry others feel the same way :(
the only thing I can see potentially see trauma helping with is the ability to empathise with/ helping others - generally I find people who have suffered to be more understanding/caring but I still think it'd be so much better if /no one/ had to suffer in the first place.
do some people maybe appreciate "good" things more if they've suffered a lot previously? idk. I still don't think it can justify so much pain

I feel like it at least may help my colleague to view things this way but when she said this I couldn't help thinking - I'd much rather you'd never had had the pain in the first place.
she says people who have suffered are "diamonds" because it takes immense pressure to create a diamond - but the pressure just broke me I think. I am glad if some people do find that they experience post traumatic growth though. I just don't think I can.

she cited an article saying -

"Examples of areas for growth include personal strength, appreciation for life, new possibilities in life, spiritual change, and relationships with others," Trent says. "Examples of PTG can be vast, ranging from writing books, finding God, starting charities, and many more. "

According to environmental psychologist and well-being consultant Lee Chambers, PTG can present itself in all sorts of ways, like uncovering latent talent and ability, finding the confidence to face new challenges, and discovering a feeling of strength.

"It tends to generate a level of mindfulness and gratitude for life and the present moment and a focus on those relationships that should be prioritized, usually those that the individual feels were there for them in difficult times," explains Chambers.

"Other often-reported outcomes are a desire to help others and give back, appreciation for life, more self-awareness and more compassion for others."

 

[twatingthroughlife]

I disagree with the other users. I've gone through trauma that has made me learn and grow a lot. At the same time, though, i wish I had never had to go through all that pain. I still wanna die, so it doesn't matter.

 

[LastFlowers]

I believe it can and does happen..to a point. But beyond that point, any growth turns to rot.
You've got to have at least some mitigating factors or an end in sight, in order to sustain yourself or anything you were able to glean from a terrible situation.
Severe and ongoing suffering without respite, will not allow for much movement, other than downward movement.

It's specific to the individual though, as no life context or trauma is identical or even really comparable.
Some people would survive one thing while succumbing to another.
Some things people consider traumatizing, others would scoff at.
And vice versa.
Some people have other privileges or inherent factors at play which help to cushion painful events.
Other people have the opposite, which only aggravates what they're going through and their ability to navigate it or escape it with any sense of self left unscathed.

To have anything other than distant cognitive empathy, I do believe you need to suffer..to feel it in your bones in a way you can never forget.
The sort of visceral empathy that can be born from abject misery is the most effective way of relating to another person in pain, understanding them..thus being more likely to make concessions or remain compassionate in said person's presence.
Which is a good thing, even if that person is doomed. The pure understanding from another human being can be a tall glass of cool water, even at the end.

Though sometimes this sort of ability to empathize-with fervor-just makes living in a cruel, apathetic world that much more insufferable and disorienting.
It often comes with "excessive" guilt and other strong sensitivities to injustice, which can be overwhelming and debilitating.
So even if you've come out the other side of suffering and can use your experience for good..the world will not have changed its ways and this fact can be defeating.

There is also another group of people who suffer to the point where they lose the ability (or desire) to empathize altogether.

 

[UtopianSoliloquies]

People make of their experiences what they will. If your friend believes their trauma has helped them, good for them.It goes without saying that trauma isn't usually a good thing, but the notion that it could improve some people doesn't say much. I'm more concerned why they're saying it--if they are just saying that they are grateful for their own experiences, good for them. If they are trying to imply that people should be grateful for their trauma, fuck them.

 

[Necrosis]

Trauma is never a good thing, but I think trauma can give people a greater endurance. I think it just weighs differently for everyone's individual experiences. It can be very easily not true for many people but it's not impossible to say someone's grown from trauma.

I personally feel invincible from many things after healing some, but still so vulnerable to other things. I don't think its done me more good than bad, but I know I can handle more pressure than others in emergency situations.

 

[moondazed]

she cited an article saying -

"Examples of areas for growth include personal strength, appreciation for life, new possibilities in life, spiritual change, and relationships with others," Trent says. "Examples of PTG can be vast, ranging from writing books, finding God, starting charities, and many more. "

According to environmental psychologist and well-being consultant Lee Chambers, PTG can present itself in all sorts of ways, like uncovering latent talent and ability, finding the confidence to face new challenges, and discovering a feeling of strength.

"It tends to generate a level of mindfulness and gratitude for life and the present moment and a focus on those relationships that should be prioritized, usually those that the individual feels were there for them in difficult times," explains Chambers.

"Other often-reported outcomes are a desire to help others and give back, appreciation for life, more self-awareness and more compassion for others."

Being an older college student in a university, the few friends I made there most of them were also older college students, and suffice to say we were all a little broken in some way. I felt this kind of "PTG" from all of them. There is always that pain though, and you always see other colleagues or classmates who never have to deal with the pain (or appear to not be, you never really know), and they are doing just as well as you if not better.

It is beautiful to see people grow from their pain though. There is a special strength in empathy and wisdom that you gain from it, but memories unfortunately rarely go away, especially the bad ones. Also, not all trauma is equally painful.

I think people should take these words from that article to heart as much as they can, and should be proud of themselves or trying their best either way it goes for them. Regardless of the morality of it all, it simply takes a lot strength to continue living with so much weight to carry.

 

[wait.what]

This is a question there's no real answer for … it's ultimately about people's subjective experience of suffering and whether they believe there's a "silver lining" element to that or not.

I personally don't have memories of myself as "unbroken," so I can't really say whether I'm better off carrying my trauma than I would have been without it. I suspect there haven't been a lot of pluses there, though. Trauma sometimes instills in people a greater capacity for compassion toward strangers, but it often blights relationships with those who typically would be held closer, such as family and longtime friends. Early trauma is especially destructive in this way, since children raised with violence and chaos seem to imprint upon suffering as an essential component of close relationships.

I suppose people who go through very difficult times later in life might realistically feel that their pain had facilitated some kind of personal growth that wouldn't have occurred otherwise. I don't really see that happening with me, or with people traumatized at early ages in general. They seem to remain more vulnerable to stress and conflict than those who had more emotionally stable environments as kids.

 

[F&Inside]

Hello everyone.
Suffering traumatic experiences, growing up in a bad environment, among other bad things I do believe that all this makes us stronger, more humble, more empathetic and more prepared.
I am ready for loneliness, suffering, misfortunes, death and rejection, I accept it and accept it much better than before.