What is your recovery story?

[throwaway280948]

I am wondering what peoples recovery stories are!

What helped you?
What did you wish you knew about recovery?
Did you think you were ever going to recover?
What made you make the change to seek help?

You can obviously write whatever your heart desires I just put the questions there to help people get the brain juice flowing B)

Anyways thanks and I wish you all the best always :)

 

[fiftyfiftyclown]

I'm just in the recovery section due to age, as I'm in my mid 20s...I still have slight hope that things can change. My life is a steaming pile of shit, and I seem to be on a downhill track, but I know that's not exactly uncommon for young adults. So I just tell myself not to give up yet, and I am seeking help (going to try to get treatment options this week) and doing "self-medication" here and there to get by.

CTB is a last resort. If the world were a perfect place, I'd acquire some barbiturates now and just keep them on hand since I have a sort of... aesthetic aversion to methods that are bloodier, but damn I'm tech illiterate and do not want to deal with the whole dark web thing.

But if it's the same in say, my mid thirties, I probably won't bother trying to "recover" any more. To be frank, things only get worse for single, mentally unwell women when we lose our youth and thus our "value."

II am a fairly realistic person and if I assess my life right now, I still have a fighting chance. It's worth it to make an effort. But I'm not going to stick around forever just for the sake of staying alive/accommodating my parents. For example, I'll keep working at my job even though I dislike it, because for the moment, I enjoy living on my own, buying new clothes, etc...but I am aware it is only a temporary relief.

I don't imagine you'll find tons of truly "recovered" stories even on this forum. Looks like the recovery board is just people like me who are still hanging onto life for some reason or the other. I mean, if I found a genie today and he granted me my ideal life, I don't think I'd hang out here on suicide forums anymore lol

 

[flyingrabbitt]

I'm definitely still somewhat early in my recovery, this is actually my last attempt before I CTB because I've been trying and trying for the past 6 or 7 years and I can only keep trying for so long. There was never an actual point where I stopped seeking help it's just that therapists had repeatedly failed me and never treated me for what I actually have/were not trained to help people like me. For context I have DID and trauma that requires a specialist in said trauma and most therapists including trauma therapists are not trained to work with it and I only very recently came to the conclusion on my own.
I did a lot of work on my own, I got my BPD to a point where it is manageable by sticking my head into DBT workbooks alone since I was 14 because I saw how it affected my then best friend, who ended up leaving me 2 years later because she'd rather continue being an enabler than seek help herself.

I'm very lucky to have a good support system that includes my family (my mum who is my caretaker, stepdad, aunt, uncle, little brother also help out) and a therapist trained to work with my issues. My online friends and partner are supportive too. I have money in order to afford my private therapy albeit I'm receiving it from the government because I'm not able to work with all of my issues. I'm hoping to get funding for a full mental health assessment as well because I can't afford it out of pocket and I'm travelling back to my home country to get physical health assessments with the inheritance I got from my grandmother.

I have a very long way to go with my recovery because I'm only starting to process my trauma and god there's a lot of it but I'm hanging onto whatever hope I have left that this time I will finally get to recover properly because the main reason I keep going is for one of my parts, he's 5 years old and holds a lot of trauma memories and yet he wants to keep living, he's always so happy and I want to help him process that trauma.

I do wish someone told me just how exhausting recovery is, I have no energy to get out of bed a lot of the days because my body is finally recovering from 15 years of constant survival mode.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

I don't know if it counts as recovery. I've been suicidal on and off for 23 years. 35 if you include wanting to die when I was 6. I haven't been actively suicidal in about a year. I don't think anything has helped as such. I just don't have what it takes to kill myself at the moment. But pretty much every day I wish I didn't exist. I've been seeing psychistrists for 23 years and they haven't helped at all with anything except the psychosis. They're fucking useless mostly. You just have to keep going and each day just hope it will be OK. If not, you just need to accept it and wait for tomorrow, rinse and repeat. Life is shit and there's really very little anyone can do about it.