Thinking about life after I'm in my dream uni in a big city doing smth I want to, which my parents are not supportive of, if I can overcome this I'll take that as a sign that everything will work out in the end and my life will go a good direction if I just get over with this. Maybe not as ideal as I wanted, as in being a financially independent student, still after rotting in this shitty small town for so long just the idea of even moving away was soo exciting to me. As the time was coming closer I realised thinking about the future actually does makes me feel really passionate if it doesn't just remain a dream n I want to live. But thats the catch, people usually don't want to die, they want to not live a life they don't like.
And update, after a lot of quarrels with my parents, I managed to give my uni entrance test today which I thought I couldn't cuz like, desi parents are another level controlling, even as an adult child I don't think I've ever gone anywhere far alone before n the test was in whole another town. I thought everything will go well after this. I did really well in my mock tests too, I was sure I'm getting atleast a 97 in English and 90+ on average but idk how tf i managed to attempt only 70% worth of questions n I've never felt so soo ashamed at myself, even for disappointing the people around me.
Now I don't wanna do a nerdy course like accounting or management shit that my parents would force on me n theyre planning to not even send me to another city. Lol I'm not gonna keep living in this shitty room n country forever, studying smth n living a kind of life I don't want. Well I'm glad atleast I didn't get smth like 80-90% which would keep me hanging till the cutoffs are out n I can now guarantee myself I'm not getting into this uni n the thing that was giving me hope is now gone. I plan to do the ctb this month now. I can't bare to even think about the future and there's nothing else I'd figure out that I'd like and would be supported by my parents.
