Discussion What is your main, broader reason for being suicidal? Poll

[Forever Sleep]

I wonder if such a broad poll covers the main reasons. Obviously, it can be a combination- so multiple votes are enabled. I was just curious about the split here though. I've gone for the broad issues of: people related, health related or situation related.

I suppose the other question is- have your motives changed? It was really just one individual that caused ideation for me initially. Life circumstances in the shape of bereavement contributed but, they were the initial trigger. Now though, it's really just life and all that is unavoidable about it. Perhaps I would have gotten more out of it without so much social anxiety, lack of confidence- which touches on mental health I guess. But, most of my 'woes' are circumstantial now- rather than to do with people or health. I just don't want to play the game of life anymore. How about you?

I suppose to clarify, by people, I mean possibly trauma from them but also I suppose lack of people- loneliness. That that need is crushing. By life circumstance- I suppose that relates to anything to do with the nuts and bolts of living. Finances. Even just the state of being a human with needs. I think a fair few of us simply don't enjoy the state of being alive and all it entails. Again, I'm suspecting it to be a mix but, I wonder if there will be clear agitators.

I think maybe include all that has ever made you suicidal. Even if your motives have changed.

 

[Jadeith]

I suppose the other question is- have your motives changed?

Changed? No? More like - crystalized. Clarified. And piled up too.

 

[darksouls]

the main reason is chronic physical pain.
in the last millennium the main reason was the cruelty of humanity.
I worked for animal welfare back then.
we mainly did educational work and collected signatures against animal testing.
I saw all the perversions humanity has to offer at a very early age.

 

[doomedforsure]

bcz of my fucked up antisocial personality

 

[savv]

I just have no future. I've put this in my registration too, but I do not have any employment/income, no IRLs, and no creative skills, among other things. And I also have no drive to change this. Since birth, I was a sheltered suburbanite and wasn't allowed to have a life of my own. Now as an adult, all I can do is coast off of other people and yearn. It's basically all I'm doing until my time's up.

 

[ConstantPain]

I see no future either but am in a different situation. I'm almost 50, live with my alcoholic spouse, am physically and mentally tortured, distanced from family, really no friends. Today I was fired for the first time ever and it's proof that life keeps getting worse. My best years were decades ago and it's all downhill from here.

 

[$yck]

[Copying this from another comment I made cuz I feel like it fits] In one of my suicide notes, I wrote that my fundamental reason for kiling myself is "I never wanted to be born, I've never found comfort or enjoyment in life, and I refuse to keep struggling to build a life I never asked for." With anything that made me depressed or anxious being a supplemental reason. [Supplemental Reasons including but not limited to: Trauma, Mental Illness, Mistreatment, Gender Identity, Sexuality, Employment, Money, The Current Political State of the U.S., Climate Change, and Capitalism]

 

[SoulCage]

Today my work rehab counsellor told me that life is never easy, that we can never predict if our actions will lead to better conditions. I just have to do the work and expect that bad things will always happen. That's life. "Everybody has to deal with it"

She is right. I would hate her more if she would try me to sell the "it gets better" lie. but I also hate her because she kinda tells me that I just have to suffer because I have to and not because I want to. Why are humans okay with this?? create me and then just tell me "yea, Life sucks, deal with it".
Fucking hell...

 

[banger12]

Been suicidal for a long time. The feeling ebbs and flows and tge motivating reason or justification changes but the feeling/desire persists. Part of me wonders if any reason I give is just a bullshit excuse and that the truth is that suicidal ideation just makes sense to me.

Previously the main reason was that I gave myself a really bad compulsive fear/Panic response to even very mild triggers over a paranoid fear of reinjury after I suffered some concussion. It was/is irrational and absurd but has pretty bad impact. Not like PTSD levels bad but enough to disrupt my life and daily functioning.

I guess currently I feel like a severely underdeveloped person who is chronically dependent on others with no potential or prospects and a bleak future. There is no evident way out either. It sucks.

 

[orpheus_]

I don't enjoy anything and I find existence meaningless so I guess it counts as "other". It's about the general pain of existing. Also I really crave social interactions but I'm annoying and spending time with me is hell, so I know I should not talk to anyone (I have terrible social skills anyway) but I don't want to be lonely

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Sadly it's all 4 reasons

 

[Dark Moon]

Sadly it's all 4 reasons

Same, suffering with all four reasons.

 

[nitritegirl]

literally all reasons

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Just a completely ridiculous collapse of my soul over young adulthood. I remember when I was a smart athletic kid with a great life ahead of him. I have nothing at 36 now, not even a job, and I'm too depressed for daily tasks. There are new humiliations all the time as I mope around and show weakness.

 

[kipstriesagain]

My body always hurts... Among other things it just feels hard to be alive in general because of that

 

[Forveleth]

I said "Other" as I am not sure where my reason lies. I am just done with living. Waking up day after day for many more decades holds no interest to me. There is no real malice behind it, no particular reason I feel this way. I am just to the point of "no thank you" to living longer.

 

[callousedhope]

Mostly i just have a voice in my head that makes me think "i have to ctb right now right now right now ahhhh!!!!! ctb yrself right now idiot i hate u!!!!"

It sucks lol i like being present in my life but it is convincing idk!!

 

[TwistedNightmares]

I just hate life, I have never enjoyed being here. I want my miserable existence to end.

 

[chernobylmosqut]

ADHD for me. It is not a cute and quirky disability. The inability to produce and properly maintain dopamine and norepinephrine affects so much more than your ability to memorize things or sit still or focus. It messes up your reward center, your ability to be motivated, your ability to work towards goals, your energy levels, your ability to even properly conceptualize long term situations and consequences. Meds are.....okay but even the best ADHD meds can only do so much. It makes every day a constant battle with my own brain just to do things everybody else can do and I'm so sick of it. If life doesn't wanna play fair I'm not playing.

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

ADHD for me. It is not a cute and quirky disability. The inability to produce and properly maintain dopamine and norepinephrine affects so much more than your ability to memorize things or sit still or focus. It messes up your reward center, your ability to be motivated, your ability to work towards goals, your energy levels, your ability to even properly conceptualize long term situations and consequences. Meds are.....okay but even the best ADHD meds can only do so much. It makes every day a constant battle with my own brain just to do things everybody else can do and I'm so sick of it. If life doesn't wanna play fair I'm not playing.

Poor emotional and executive regulation is absolute hell. Life circumstances has exacerbated everything for me. I also have a lot of trauma that I never was able to properly address because (surprise!) proper therapy for it (dbt) is super expensive 1:1... which is hte kind I need. Now my mood can change dramatically and scarily within seconds or minutes. I'll be content walking across the kitchen and suddenly feel like everything is pointless and why do I fucking do this shit. and then i'll swing back to feeling 'content'.. all within like.. 10s. I'm so mentally/emotionally/physically exhausted and burnt out on everything. But then I still have a lot of good days. and it's fucking exhausting dealing with my own brain. I seriously want to throttle my brain sometimes.

Sorry you're dealing with this shitty condition too.

 

[chernobylmosqut]

Poor emotional and executive regulation is absolute hell. Life circumstances has exacerbated everything for me. I also have a lot of trauma that I never was able to properly address because (surprise!) proper therapy for it (dbt) is super expensive 1:1... which is hte kind I need. Now my mood can change dramatically and scarily within seconds or minutes. I'll be content walking across the kitchen and suddenly feel like everything is pointless and why do I fucking do this shit. and then i'll swing back to feeling 'content'.. all within like.. 10s. I'm so mentally/emotionally/physically exhausted and burnt out on everything. But then I still have a lot of good days. and it's fucking exhausting dealing with my own brain. I seriously want to throttle my brain sometimes.

Sorry you're dealing with this shitty condition too.

Oh my goodness it's the exact same way for me. Like things will go from 0-100 real quick with me, but it takes forever to get back down from a.....idk what to call it. Episode? Anyway I hear emergency PRNs work very well but I asked the only psychiatrist available to me for some and she talked down to me and insisted on a different medication that takes three months to really work. So good luck to me I guess.

 

[Surai]

Work and it doesn't fulfill anything in me. I end feeling worse after. Having to deal with animal emotions. And animals.

 

[badatparties]

It's just all too anal, cruel, and none of it makes sense.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

It's people being shit and causing me to struggle mentally, severally.

 

[FoxSauce]

Mix of life and my own mental issues. Life itself sucks.

Life circumstances Ig.

 

[ThisGameIsOverrated]

probably a tie between OCD and capitalism tbh

 

[Pluto]

 

[INYGTRMTFMO]

Perpetual self hatred and a deep-seated exhaustion that sleep and rest can't fix.

 

[kuroshimi]

I feel like I was always suicidal. I thought it was some kind of personality trait (?). but last year I was diagnosed with depression and took meds.

But recently I gone crazy with the world. So I guess there is no point anymore.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

My current life is stable, but I use all my energy to maintain it. I cannot get "better" by myself, and if I stop maintaining what little I have, I'll spiral down into worse and worse conditions until I feel bad enough to CTB. I'm like a machine that is full of makeshift solutions to problems, and just works, but any change and it's going to break down heavily.

Psychosis almost feels good rn.