Discussion What is your approach to living if you are intending to suicide? Poll

[Forever Sleep]

I'm curious. Are you living a more high functioning life? Is that because you don't know if or when you might end things? Or, do you just want to maintain a lifestyle or, calmer state of mind perhaps? Are you at the other extreme- of letting things go? Maybe even actively putting yourself at risk of things getting far worse- to push you into the decision?

I'm somewhere in the middle. I used to be more high functioning than I am but, things are definitely starting to slip. In terms of maintaining my health and living environment at least. I doubt I'll let them slip all the way though. I fear things like homelessness or illness.

I also have this (maybe naive) belief/ hope- that I won't need to make myself feel utterly desperate and with few other choices but to kill myself. I'm hoping I won't need to 'paint myself into a corner' (as it were) to do it. How about you?

 

[littlecutecorpse]

i'm simply letting things happen as they would. before my whole life collapsed i was treading on water for months, then things started to slip prior to my first ward visit. since then, i've been trying to live as much of a stress-free life as possible, free of worry (especially now that i'm going to ctb soon).

 

[rainatthebusstop]

biting time until I figure out how to do it. It majorly sucks because I have wasted every ounce of potential I once had, but I'm getting by

 

[Parnate]

I am waiting for miracles to happen. I have been praying a lot for that. Chances are less but I hope that it will happen. I have magical thinking.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

"Maybe even actively putting yourself at risk of things getting far worse- to push you into the decision?"
imo this won't work. it's a big mindset shift that one needs first to be able to take the action you want to take

imo the battle in the mind needs to be won. i've seen people in horrible circumstances homeless etc on here and elsewhere and not being able to for example take a drink of nembutal or other poison even.

idk where i am in this battle in my brain. maybe not good for me . because idk if i feel an extreme desire for grabbing and using my means of suicide where i need to hold myself back as i would have to from grabbing some food when i'm very hungry.
maybe that's the only way of testing where i am in this battle .

 

[Otter55]

i'm simply letting things happen as they would. before my whole life collapsed i was treading on water for months, then things started to slip prior to my first ward visit. since then, i've been trying to live as much of a stress-free life as possible, free of worry (especially now that i'm going to ctb soon).

Sorry what is ctb ?

 

[itsgone2]

i'm mostly couch rot or bed rot. Pathetic. Was so active before this. Don't eat much
I keep planning to ctb. Why put effort in to anything? House is getting dirty.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sorry what is ctb ?

It stands for 'catching the bus'. A euphemism members use a lot here for meaning suicide. I think it's a hang over from an earlier incarnation of the site, where members used to to try and avoid the attention of the more militant pro-lifers. So- avoided the actual term to hide from internet searches etc. As I understand it anyway.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

No clue, I hate almost everyone and everything, I do not enjoy the time spent on this earth yet I still owe it to animals or people in more need than me. I am a prisoner but I am somewhat content with my imprisonment. idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk

 

[Pale_Rider]

I may never defeat SI, bit I'm just letting it slip.

 

[LigottiIsRight]

I'm trying to make my remaining time, which could vary from months to years (I think that trying to set strict deadlines regarding suicide is pointless), as pleasurable and calmed as it can be with the limitations and pains of my psychological malfunctions (I've mostly gave up on the try of overcoming those). It's the only thing I can do without burning out too much.
I'm centering my attention on enjoying my hobbies as much as possible, because they're by long distance the thing I care about the most. While doing that I'm recklessly neglecting the aspects of life related to unavoidable obligations, like the need to prepare for the exam that could allow me to obtain a job.

 

[Andarna]

" I'm letting my life fall to pieces "

I have low-functional depression. I'm just rotting and trying to gather the courage to ctb.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Treading water and struggling to keep myself from sinking, so tired.

 

[FrustratedGirl]

(As my name suggests) I am frustrated and tired I am not dead yet. I am trying to not let other people suspect anything, so if I have an appointment with some one, I go there and play happy, but at home it looks like shit, I can't look at insta stories/posts of my friends any more, etc. And I try to have as few as possible contact to other people.
I just do what is necessary to not be suspicious and to live until I die (eating, buying food, etc.).
Very, very soon I am going to be dead

 

[kopebaldy]

Jaded.

I'm sitting here, watching my life crumble down. I have no desire nor energy to do anything about it.

When everything is dust is when I put my head in the noose.

 

[Otter55]

It stands for 'catching the bus'. A euphemism members use a lot here for meaning suicide. I think it's a hang over from an earlier incarnation of the site, where members used to to try and avoid the attention of the more militant pro-lifers. So- avoided the actual term to hide from internet searches etc. As I understand it anyway.

Ty very much for explaining it. Appreciate it.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

In the "I'm sort of treading water but, stuff is starting to slip" camp. Eventually, I can get done what needs to be done, but only when it becomes a pressing issue. Even then, I'm gradually beginning to lose the ability to do that.; just beginning to let the consequences of my ever-increasing inability to get stuff done play out. Maybe it'll get better, or maybe it'll all fall apart. All I know is that it'd be easier to die if I had nothing left to live for.

 

[Otter55]

I have 0 to live for and face being on street coz I cant work anymore. I hope for you a miracle and those reasons to live become good and more. I need to die before I am homeless and cannot. Its not why i want to die. Just will be worse than now even. Its so hard to die.

In the "I'm sort of treading water but, stuff is starting to slip" camp. Eventually, I can get done what needs to be done, but only when it becomes a pressing issue. Even then, I'm gradually beginning to lose the ability to do that.; just beginning to let the consequences of my ever-increasing inability to get stuff done play out. Maybe it'll get better, or maybe it'll all fall apart. All I know is that it'd be easier to die if I had nothing left to live for.

I have 0 to live for and face being on street coz I cant work anymore. I hope for you a miracle and those reasons to live become good and more. I need to die before I am homeless and cannot. Its not why i want to die. Just will be worse than now even. Its so hard to die.