Discussion What IS under my control?

[derpyderpins]

Last night I got very angry, which is pretty rare for me. I'll put a bit more detail on why below in a spoiler to save space, but basically it was because of what I consider to be injustice at a local government level.

Spoiler: Story

I had helped my fiance craft a legitimate housing complaint against her previous shitty landlord for certain unethical practices. It was well-reasoned, supported by evidence, and should have at least cleared the initial investigation phase. We got the initial determination, which of course sided with the landlord. What angered me was that the ~5 page "report" was terribly written, repetitive, missing important details, and completely ignored the crux of our argument. If they had acknowledged the point we were making but said there just wasn't enough evidence I'd be fine, but I'm mad that it seems they'd already decided to rule for the landlord and just threw together some response.

I felt powerless because I had put a lot of work into trying to do something good, and was basically told by the system to screw off because I'm such a small, insignificant person.

We talk a lot on here about what's out of our control. Life is hard. You need to work to survive. You couldn't choose to be born. Society around us is inefficient, and other people can do immoral or irrational things and we can't stop them. Government restrictions are pushed on us by force. I can't control the outcome of elections. I can never truly own my home. This can all be very defeating to think about. It doesn't seem like I can be free at all.

So I'm trying to think about what I can control, because I think freedom is a spectrum rather than a black and white switch.

It's stolen from Mr. Rodgers, but the first thing that comes to mind is that I can choose when to let the anger I'm feeling go. My emotions may go wild sometime, and I may let them go farther than I should, but ultimately I'm holding the leash. I can decide when to move on.

I can control how I treat the people around me. I want to treat them how I'd like to be treated: with patience, understanding, etc. This can affect my immediate environment and how I feel about myself.

Speaking of my environment, while I can never truly own my home, I do currently exercise control over it. I can arrange my battlestation/studio as I please. I can take time to clean to calm my nerves. I can control the light/temperature. It seems silly to point out, but it's nice to consider that I have this simple control.

A big struggle I have is production at work. When interested, I'm usually very productive. When disinterested, I'll space out and fail to accomplish anything, feeding my anxiety and further hurting my production. While this involves an internal mental health battle I am fighting, it is something that - at the end of the day - I can have a say in the outcome. Focusing my energy on things out of my control takes away energy from this important daily battle.

Beyond that, I do have a modicum of control over the direction of my life. I may not be able to choose any path or force any outcome, but I could walk out if I want. I could quit, apply for new jobs, sell the house and be homeless, etc.

Finally, as fitting for this site, I control whether I live or die.

Does thinking about what you can control help you at all? Is there anything major I forgot? I'd like any thoughts anyone has on this topic of focusing one's energy to what is within their sphere of influence.

 

[derpyderpins]

Perhaps this should've been posted to recovery...

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Emotions, on a leash... wow
Can I use this in my next "therapy" sess? I feel like she would approve of these reflections, and cause her to nod her head repeatedly and make her feel useful about herself/her work. These thought logs would fit right in with her little tip (attached). Itself only been a day, maybe notifs tomorrow Tough crowd...

On a different note, I just heard this, seemed like your style:

"Of course there is no formula for success, except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings."
--Arthur Rubbinstein

 

[derpyderpins]

Emotions, on a leash... wow
Can I use this in my next "therapy" sess? I feel like she would approve of these reflections, and cause her to nod her head repeatedly and make her feel useful about herself/her work. These thought logs would fit right in with her little tip (attached).

Ummm lol yes you can use whatever I spew here. (I actually post things hoping they'll be helpful ) Though I can't tell if you actually like this or if you think it's BS based on that second sentence :P

Itself only been a day, maybe notifs tomorrow Tough crowd...

lol yeah I don't really care. I just kinda realized the philosophy board tends to be more debbie-down so it might not have been a wise choice.

On a different note, I just heard this, seemed like your style:

"Of course there is no formula for success, except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings."
--Arthur Rubbinstein

I like that. It's how I've been feeling lately. You can't expect to make the mona lisa with a single crayon, but if that's all you've got might as well still do your best.

As to the attachment, that sounds like advice I give other people but struggle to take myself. Fighting that script we make for ourselves is so tough.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Ummm lol yes you can use whatever I spew here. (I actually post things hoping they'll be helpful ) Though I can't tell if you actually like this or if you think it's BS based on that second sentence :P

lol yeah I don't really care. I just kinda realized the philosophy board tends to be more debbie-down so it might not have been a wise choice.


I like that. It's how I've been feeling lately. You can't expect to make the mona lisa with a single crayon, but if that's all you've got might as well still do your best.

As to the attachment, that sounds like advice I give other people but struggle to take myself. Fighting that script we make for ourselves is so tough.

You know, I really can't say lol...
I honestly don't know how to stomach those kinds of words, framed in that way, as I don't really read things with so much, something... so I'm just trying to stomach it really. I will say though, if you end up using that at your next seminar, I would skip the part about you "holding the leash." My brain couldn't take that seriously. However I did use the quotations as a nod to my therapist, because she thinks she's providing therapy, so it wasn't mocking your speech; it was mocking her "therapy." That attachment really is from her too.

Lol I actually thought this was the Suicide Forum until you replied so I really thought it was a tough crowd. Yeah I hear that Debbie is kind of a bitch so, doesn't surprise me☹

Yeah that quote was on my show in the background, and usually I relate, but I thought, "Well that's not right..." I thought suited you so I remembered it.

You're childless right? Because you talk like a Dad... even in humor It's very peculiar

 

[derpyderpins]

You know, I really can't say lol...
I honestly don't know how to stomach those kinds of words, framed in that way, as I don't really read things with so much, something... so I'm just trying to stomach it really. I will say though, if you end up using that at your next seminar, I would skip the part about you "holding the leash." My brain couldn't take that seriously. However I did use the quotations as a nod to my therapist, because she thinks she's providing therapy, so it wasn't mocking your speech; it was mocking her "therapy." That attachment really is from her too.

Lol I actually thought this was the Suicide Forum until you replied so I really thought it was a tough crowd. Yeah I hear that Debbie is kind of a bitch so, doesn't surprise me☹

Yeah that quote was on my show in the background, and usually I relate, but I thought, "Well that's not right..." I thought suited you so I remembered it.

You're childless right? Because you talk like a Dad... even in humor It's very peculiar

lol I definitely have dad humor. I'm an old soul and always have been. I very much thrive when I can feel like I'm mentoring, which I guess can be misinterpreted. I don't think I'm smarter than others, but I think I've wasted more time thinking about stuff so they might as well get the results of my "research."

Yeah, the leash comment was tough. I didn't know how to word it myself. I was picturing some sort of wild animal fighting against me but tethered to me, but I guess it may have accidentally understated the difficulty that comes with controlling emotions. I was trying to say that controlling emotions isn't easy, but it is a battle you can influence. Maybe riding a bull and getting back on when you're thrown off?

 

[DefinitelyReady]

lol I definitely have dad humor. I'm an old soul and always have been. I very much thrive when I can feel like I'm mentoring, which I guess can be misinterpreted. I don't think I'm smarter than others, but I think I've wasted more time thinking about stuff so they might as well get the results of my "research."

Yeah, the leash comment was tough. I didn't know how to word it myself. I was picturing some sort of wild animal fighting against me but tethered to me, but I guess it may have accidentally understated the difficulty that comes with controlling emotions. I was trying to say that controlling emotions isn't easy, but it is a battle you can influence. Maybe riding a bull and getting back on when you're thrown off?

Yes, it's um, very noticable in your writing, the dad jokes...

And hey, it's early, ya joke woke up Isn't the expression "get back up on the horse"? I think you should just stay away from animals altogether... Why risk it? Especially since you don't let anger go... You hang out with it like like it's your bff and then when it's time to go, they'll let you know when they're good and god d*** ready... and everyone knoowwss you don't control emotions; emotions control yooouu... That's why give into them and say inappropriate things and get warnings from Mods... I mean, how else are you supposed to learn

 

[derpyderpins]

Yes, it's um, very noticable in your writing, the dad jokes...

One of my favorites that I beat to death and beyond (speaking of horses) is when my mom calls me from a family gathering and says something like "Say hello to your Uncle!" and I respond "hello to your Uncle!" I think I'm so fucking clever.

And hey, it's early, ya joke woke up Isn't the expression "get back up on the horse"? I think you should just stay away from animals altogether... Why risk it?

True, outside is awful and animals are jerks.

Especially since you don't let anger go... You hang out with it like like it's your bff and then when it's time to go, they'll let you know when they're good and god d*** ready...

When you say "you" here are you talking about me or the royal "we", as in people generally? I think I mostly have my anger under control. What led to this post was pretty rare.

and everyone knoowwss you don't control emotions; emotions control yooouu... That's why give into them and say inappropriate things and get warnings from Mods... I mean, how else are you supposed to learn

lololol speak for yourself. (But don't learn too much, okay? It's entertaining. Find that line between learning and ban.)

 

[DefinitelyReady]

I meant stay away from animal jokes bc you clearly have trouble mixing them if you want to be taken seriously. Animals aren't jerks People who ride animals are jerks Just stick to leashing your emotions...

Omg, and you're an adult when you repeat that?
Mom, "Say goodnight Kevin."
Kevin, "Goodnight Kevin."


General you lol. Anger rides up front... You clearly never watched my Madea clip at 12min 10 sec...

Yeah rare for reformed "Marky Marks" maybe lol... That's why I was taken aback because you you reformed your rant by leashing your emotions. It was no longer the same post. You were apologizing to the class! Wrong class cause this is Detention...

Oh I just had to keep going with the warning to finish the joke. That was ocd, no anger lol
But thanks for the heads up "Dad"...