What is trust / friendship

[Jeezyy]

I've thought about many things and found an answer for myself in many ways but one thing I can't wrap my head around even after reading books and blatenly confronting people is whether trust is real and if friendships are real. I mean. Is there even unconditional friendship? Isn't there always a reason why it exists f.e. wanting to gain joy from an experience or something. And when this doesn't happen anymore as frequent is there even a reason to keep it going? I'm kind of confused whether friendships and social interactions are really possible to be unconditional as I feel like everyone around me is just fake. I don't really think anyone would come out to really help when it matters and It's kind of stressful thinking about the fact that there are a lot of people trying to screw me over recently. Sometimes it just feels very helpless being all alone and I'm not quite sure how to process it. Recently I've even stopped doing things I have enjoyed a lot and that helped me get out of my most traumatic phase and I am not sure how to get back into it because everything just seems so useless and bland right now. It seems like the happy days I envisioned are breaking apart once again because they were some sort of illusion I had when I finally gained friends and people I could trust in my life for the first time in years. But recently I feel very betrayed by them. It feels like a huge stab in the back because I thought that I finally made it but now the thoughts that called this life useless and wanted me to end it back in 2018 just crawled back. I just don't know if my mindset is wrong or if there is any way to comprehend social interactions. I feel very weak there and I don't know how to understand people better in this regard.

This paragraph is kinda messy because I just wrote off the top of the head what I fealt but I think I got my point by clear. What are your thoughts?

 

[timf]

Even in the movie "Band of Brothers" those who came to trust each other with their lives end up going their own ways after the war. Even families today do not have the same self-sacrifice for each other that there used to be.

in a society that is moving rapidly to increasing selfishness, one would expect it to be more difficult to find friends that can be trusted. You may have to search hard top find the few people who remain that are willing to set aside self for others. Then you may have to assess what changes you need to make in yourself to be worthy of such a friend. Also, you may want to be careful and not come to expect more from others than they are capable of.

 

[Valky]

I am glad that you are trying to get better!

And I get what you mean. I do think that especially when growing up, people become less and less unconditional when it comes to friendship. After all, friendship still requires efforts. Somehow you need to handle your own personal life and make the time and space to keep connections with others upright. I believe that therefore, a lot of those connections will fall apart, as both parties neither have the time nor the willingness to continue it.

But that doesn't mean that everyone is and will be like that. Once you find the right people, it will be unconditional.

You can see it like that. Social interactions drain our energy, which includes friendships. But there are people that just get us, that understand us and that don't drain our social energy as much as others do.

It is not a shame to leave friendships behind if all they did was drain you of your energy. We will find the right people for us :)

 

[The anhedonic one]

I've never understood social interactions. I have always been very poor at reading people, and socializing in general.
I always get things wrong as regards relationship's, but this is because I am a genuine person, while the vast majority of people are not.
I expect them to be like me. But that just never happens.
Most people are stupid, selfish and untrustworthy.
I go through life alone now.
It is much easier that way.

 

[Torabol]

For the section where you discussed friendhsips:

I think this boils down to the question of the existence of 'true altruism'. To oversimplify: No, I don't think it exists. But then again, does it truly matter to me that there is only altruism, and not true altruism? Nope. If someone wants to help me because it'll help themselves feel better, I'm all up for it.

 

[Qua]

I have that one person I've known since the start of primary school. We're still in touch after so many years, even tho we're in different schools now. I can text her or call her with anything i need. It's this type of friend that would come to me in the middle of the night if i needed her. I trust her fully with everything i do and say. She's always there for me and I'm always there for her. When we meet up, we talk about anything and everything and if we have nothing to rant about we just sit together, simply enjoying our presence. My family likes her, she has been on vacation with us, she's like a sister for me. She is the reason i always say that friendship is true. She is like a friend you see in books or movies, this perfect kind of friend that some dream about. She is the one and only person i need. I always feel comfortable around her and I can be my true self, speaking my thoughts without the fear of judgment. I love her, she's one of the reasons I'm still living in this cruel world