What is the worst you’ve self destructed ? Ill start

[melancholymallory03]

What is the worst you've ever self destructed ?
I may be asking this to feel less alone , not to normalize these behaviours mind you-

The worst I ever did , I blocked about half of my friends list , didn't show up to a job interview that could of been an amazing door for me
I sabotaged my relationship with my father
And during my youth I refused all art therapy that looking back seemed fucking relieving if I could get my ass out of bed.

Worst of all self destruction was

Over a month ago I blocked one of my best friends from childhood, they had been treating me unkindly and like a sexual object but I knew we could have worked things out …. It's complicated …. We've been friends since grade 3.

Yeah that was the worst I destructed.

Now I am more aware of these patterns but , looking back . I am filled with shame and guilt , I sicken myself,

 

[bearbrikk]

I have the same patterns. 2 years ago I blocked all of my friend group, even my best friends. Since then I have been searching for a connection and closeness. Every time someone gets close, I tested them whether or not I am too much for them. Every time so far they ran away or they were instantly dead to me.

 

[Forveleth]

Spent myself into tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt. Also blew up my weight, spent half my and my partner's savings, and had a few questionable hookups but this was due to my antidepressant fucking up my brain.

 

[Regen]

The worst thing I destroyed in life was destroying myself.

There is this constant inner voice that says how bad and inadequate I am. The inner critic is there almost constantly and makes my life incredibly difficult.

And I regret from the bottom of my heart that I have these many self-harm scars and hate the way it looks. It has negatively affected the rest of my life in ways I never imagined possible.

I try so hard to avoid it, but at some points I pass on my own traumas to my children. That's awful.

I lost a lot of friendships because I somehow thought that the others didn't like me or that they had made too many mistakes or that there would be better friends in the future. Looking back, that was wrong.

Otherwise, I destroyed things on a smaller scale, once scratched my friend's car and broke open a mailbox at work.

I once bit a woman's finger.

 

[F@#$]

The needle and the spoon

 

[fleshgarden]

well I guess never sleeping or eating on purpose as a teenager and now I'm underdeveloped and people are worried about my heart, which brings me to my next thing- overdosing just to harm myself and my heart would overwork and it would feel awful. I'd say my self-harm was destructive as well but it's just like wounds and nothing really happened.. I just have a lot of scars. socially I've fucked up my relationships by being manipulative and expressed my suicidality in bad attention-seeking ways, and then when I realized that was bad I started cutting them off randomly and coming back because I thought they would pay attention to me then or I wouldn't annoy them anymore. I regret being such a bad friend. the last thing is probably failing most of middle school and 9th grade. I have a horrible gpa and I know that I'd have better hope for my future if I had cared about school .. </3

I have the same patterns. 2 years ago I blocked all of my friend group, even my best friends. Since then I have been searching for a connection and closeness. Every time someone gets close, I tested them whether or not I am too much for them. Every time so far they ran away or they were instantly dead to me.

oh I get this so much. I do the same thing. it's a horrible thing to go through.. I'm sorry you have to experience it:(

 

[LilysAngel]

The needle and the spoon

same

 

[bearbrikk]

well I guess never sleeping or eating on purpose as a teenager and now I'm underdeveloped and people are worried about my heart, which brings me to my next thing- overdosing just to harm myself and my heart would overwork and it would feel awful. I'd say my self-harm was destructive as well but it's just like wounds and nothing really happened.. I just have a lot of scars. socially I've fucked up my relationships by being manipulative and expressed my suicidality in bad attention-seeking ways, and then when I realized that was bad I started cutting them off randomly and coming back because I thought they would pay attention to me then or I wouldn't annoy them anymore. I regret being such a bad friend. the last thing is probably failing most of middle school and 9th grade. I have a horrible gpa and I know that I'd have better hope for my future if I had cared about school .. </3


oh I get this so much. I do the same thing. it's a horrible thing to go through.. I'm sorry you have to experience it:(

It is. I am trying to accept it tho. I just cant have connections or friends.

 

[BruceWayne]

i lashed out at this guy, i ended up breaking his jaw and fractured his skull. the reason why i did it is because i loathed him (not jealousy) but he would also make snide comments and be this happy go lucky dude always joking and trying to impress the girls or whatever at my expense. i ended up going to jail for a while and i still remember the look on my colleagues faces when i did it, needless to say its been a spiral since then

 

[F@#$]

same

I'm hooked on the process. If it melts in it goes.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

going off at an ex bcus i was convinced they were cheating on me making long posts abt how terrible they were, blocking friends bcus i was convinced they were gonna kill me and that last one is why to this day why i have a stalker now bcus they didn't take too kindly to my blocking them despite the psychotic delusions i was under when doing it and they know this. so. proving me right, really. bcus they will definitely kill me.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

As a teenager, I tried to let my ED (anorexia, binging and purging subtype) kill me, and eventually ended up with permanent digestive issues. I endlessly ate, puked, overexercised, used laxatives, and also got drunk. It obviously didn't work. All it did was make me lose out on opportunities, develop permanent health issues, and make everyone in the world hate me.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Well besides my romantic failures which I've already discussed at length, my most self destructive action might have been getting my bachelor's degree without really retaining any of the information I learned. Most assignments I just used things like Chegg or Quizlet. If Chat-GPT had existed back then I would definitely have used that too. I cheated to get my degree and also cheated myself out of the knowledge and skills which ultimately might not even have mattered anyway because no jobs would really hire me anyway.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

I let my depression and trauma from high school bullying and a toxic home environment cloud my judgment. I avoided treatment for medical issues (which I wasn't completely sure I had), gained weight and made said problem worse, and severed my friendships so I could isolate and avoid the world. Also went crawling back to the most toxic job I ever had. I was fucking dumb.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I don't think I have that bad of a self-destructive streak. I have engaged in some self-destructive behaviours before, like when I used to starve myself and and force myself to vomit because I felt fat and I wanted to lose some weight before one of my ctb attempts, or that time where I decided to drink over half a bottle of vodka (that was a mistake, lol), or that time where I blocked all of friends back and high school and completely cut them out of my life, or that time where I decided to do shrooms for the first time without properly measuring out the dosages because I didn't have a pocket scale on me and I didn't give a shit about it potentially going down south, and so on.

Maybe deciding to start cutting was the worst, idk. Honestly, my past self-destructive tendencies are so mild that even the worse isn't that bad.

 

[LilysAngel]

I'm hooked on the process. If it melts in it goes.

Needles weren't actually my method. But drugs were my downfall.

 

[Forveleth]

I let my depression and trauma from high school bullying and a toxic home environment cloud my judgment.

I feel this.

 

[terra.nuvo]

I ghosted the majority of my friends, changed my number and told very few people, blew up at my best friend at the time, who I loved dearly, to the point where he won't talk to me ever again, ghosted my professors who were trying to help me pass their classes, quit every job I've ever had after no longer than 2 months. Those are just the ones I can think of in this moment. I've done a lot of self destructive things and I am currently trying to do better but it is hard. I even have the urge to quit my current job all the time.

 

[nixolab]

Being a drug addict for 4 years... Tough journey that I wish to no one.. Lost all connections with my family, they all started to treat me like shit after some time :/

 

[onbekend]

I pushed so many people away. I betrayed their trust, and made them feel like shit. I am well aware of my terrible mannerisms, and if CTB is the only way to get rid of them, I'll take it. I know it will hurt all the people who did care about me for a moment, but I know it's only a moment and it would pale in comparison to the waves of damage I would've done to everyone I knew had I decided to stay alive. I'm doing them a favor by CTBing.

 

[vitbar]

I isolated myself from all my friends and hid away in my dead end job. 20 years later and all I'm left with is regret.

 

[F@#$]

Needles weren't actually my method. But drugs were my downfall.

I wouldn't recommend using a needle. Unless you're trying to die.

 

[LilysAngel]

I wouldn't recommend using a needle. Unless you're trying to die.

After going through rehab and methadone treatment… I'm never going back to using. Lol. 100% will CTB before I ever touch fenty again.

 

[theboy]

to have been stricken with an incurable disease through my own ignorance

 

[SMmetalhead36]

Skipping school, drinking getting suspended
Running the streets trying to escape trauma
then meeting the wrong man at 17 and winding up pregnant not long after
Going to college at 23 just to say I went

I went on later to graduate college and marry and have children, but the shame guilt and regret are eating me like a flesh eating bacteria. I believe they deserve more than me. This has me wanting to CTB. No one can say I didn't try and give life my all.

 

[melancholymallory03]

i lashed out at this guy, i ended up breaking his jaw and fractured his skull. the reason why i did it is because i loathed him (not jealousy) but he would also make snide comments and be this happy go lucky dude always joking and trying to impress the girls or whatever at my expense. i ended up going to jail for a while and i still remember the look on my colleagues faces when i did it, needless to say its been a spiral since then

Thank you for sharing , I'm so sorry he bullied you like this , I have also been on the receiving end of bullying. I wish you were not jailed , and wishing you peace.

going off at an ex bcus i was convinced they were cheating on me making long posts abt how terrible they were, blocking friends bcus i was convinced they were gonna kill me and that last one is why to this day why i have a stalker now bcus they didn't take too kindly to my blocking them despite the psychotic delusions i was under when doing it and they know this. so. proving me right, really. bcus they will definitely kill me.

Well besides my romantic failures which I've already discussed at length, my most self destructive action might have been getting my bachelor's degree without really retaining any of the information I learned. Most assignments I just used things like Chegg or Quizlet. If Chat-GPT had existed back then I would definitely have used that too. I cheated to get my degree and also cheated myself out of the knowledge and skills which ultimately might not even have mattered anyway because no jobs would really hire me anyway.

How did you get away with this ? I heard there is systems now teachers use to identify plageurized work ,
I am trying to help my one friend graduate ( one of my last good deeds ) but we will have to do some cheating , because the work is downright boring anyways…. I thought we'd have to use a app like you mentioned like the GPT but then I'd have to rephrase it all because I'm scared the teacher will catch on, so I guess kinda still work …. Sorry if this is off topic … you just rang a bell with me … my lights have been off

I don't think I have that bad of a self-destructive streak. I have engaged in some self-destructive behaviours before, like when I used to starve myself and and force myself to vomit because I felt fat and I wanted to lose some weight before one of my ctb attempts, or that time where I decided to drink over half a bottle of vodka (that was a mistake, lol), or that time where I blocked all of friends back and high school and completely cut them out of my life, or that time where I decided to do shrooms for the first time without properly measuring out the dosages because I didn't have a pocket scale on me and I didn't give a shit about it potentially going down south, and so on.

Maybe deciding to start cutting was the worst, idk. Honestly, my past self-destructive tendencies are so mild that even the worse isn't that bad.

Hey I think these are self destructive but I don't know if there is a tier rating system ….
Once due to anxiety I almost considered barricading my doors and letting my landlord call the police just to claim rent because I feared people for some reason and I was completely willing to deal with the consequences instead of not paying rent …. Like …. ahh I think there is levels to it , but what you're describing does sound self destructive , not to be rude at all sorry if it comes across like that,
I relapsed for cutting again last night after being clean for a little and my ankles are re cut and I've been hiding my cuts with socks , I always notice how nowadays people seem to laugh or shame self harm scars even … so I decided to cut in a place they couldn't see …. I just wish people didn't comment at all….

I'm wishing you an okay night

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

How did you get away with this ? I heard there is systems now teachers use to identify plageurized work ,
I am trying to help my one friend graduate ( one of my last good deeds ) but we will have to do some cheating , because the work is downright boring anyways…. I thought we'd have to use a app like you mentioned like the GPT but then I'd have to rephrase it all because I'm scared the teacher will catch on, so I guess kinda still work …. Sorry if this is off topic … you just rang a bell with me … my lights have been off

Like I said, it was before Chat-GPT. I just had a Chegg account and most answers were there. Even when questions had numbers or words changed around it was still easy enough to figure out the proper answer by applying the formulas or other information I learned. I have a business degree by the way so this was mostly just for business classes.

 

[melancholymallory03]

Needles weren't actually my method. But drugs were my downfall.

Like I said, it was before Chat-GPT. I just had a Chegg account and most answers were there. Even when questions had numbers or words changed around it was still easy enough to figure out the proper answer by applying the formulas or other information I learned. I have a business degree by the way so this was mostly just for business classes.

I am disappointed ………….

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I am disappointed ………….

Sorry. If it helps, you could try splitting a Chegg account with multiple people.

 

[mirrorgurl]

walked out of my teaching job, my masters. moved all my shit back home cause i couldn't pay my rent. stopped eating, stopped washing, ignored every single friend I have. Came back to my job, couldn't do it. tried to jump in front of a train. ended up in hospital. I'm homeless. most likely out of a job. absolutely fucked beyond repair.