What is the thought/word/phrase you plan to use to calm you while ctb

[bloomingdark]

Ever since I started being suicidal, I also encountered another challenge, my anxiety and my survival instinct, last year while having my worst panic attacks, fears of dying and having palpitations/somatizations , i realized that when I went unconscious/fainted , in those instants of realizing I was just about to shut down i told my self "es solo un pequeño sueño, una pequeña siesta" (it's just a dream, just a little nap) so I wouldn't fear that atrocious fear in my heart, i would feel like I am my own home, and i am not alone, or at least, i am just sleeping for a little longer.

Have you thought any kind of word/thought or phrase for when you're passing out?

 

[Toptock]

Im usually pretty dismissive of any feelings i have regarding what happens to cause me to pass out. If its anxiety or fear or a drug trip I'll remind myself that none of it matters.
When i go to ctb, if i do, I'll likely rely on the classic "it doesnt matter" (referring to how my feelings in a situation don't matter, only whether or not i can get through it)

 

[Ame]

The survival instinct is quite the hurdle to overcome. I'm sorry that you've experienced intense panic attacks and psychosomatic symptoms since the onset of your suicidality. I don't think that I have a specific word or phrase to self-soothe in these moments, but it might be worth looking into if it can help. The first time I experienced an episode of syncope, I remember fearing that I was seriously dying (or at the very least, that the situation was dire) because I had never experienced anything like it in the past. But then, there was this brief moment before I had completely lost consciousness, in which I resigned myself to accepting what was going on. I remember thinking something like "oh well, okay then...,"

I try to think back on that experience and how quickly I stopped struggling at the time. The hypoxia related to my method also leads to passing out and I am really hoping that I can recreate that calmness just before then end (well, the end as far as I am concerned anyway, because I should not be conscious for the rest I hope). I won't lie though, a part of me really wishes that I believed in a paradise of an afterlife, because it would make things a lot easier I think.

 

[WornOutLife]

Those are some interesting words! Me encantan!

As for me, I remember that the last time I tried to ctb I said and thought: "Okay, whatever's next, there I go".

 

[bloomingdark]

The survival instinct is quite the hurdle to overcome. I'm sorry that you've experienced intense panic attacks and psychosomatic symptoms since the onset of your suicidality. I don't think that I have a specific word or phrase to self-soothe in these moments, but it might be worth looking into if it can help. The first time I experienced an episode of syncope, I remember fearing that I was seriously dying (or at the very least, that the situation was dire) because I had never experienced anything like it in the past. But then, there was this brief moment before I had completely lost consciousness, in which I resigned myself to accepting what was going on. I remember thinking something like "oh well, okay then...,"

I try to think back on that experience and how quickly I stopped struggling at the time. The hypoxia related to my method also leads to passing out and I am really hoping that I can recreate that calmness just before then end (well, the end as far as I am concerned anyway, because I should not be conscious for the rest I hope). I won't lie though, a part of me really wishes that I believed in a paradise of an afterlife, because it would make things a lot easier I think.

It's actually the only part that concerns me, the thought of dying scared, I'm glad you already know you can recreate it based on that experience, we all know survival instincts are pretty hard , if thinking about a better place is comforting I would also do it :)

Those are some interesting words! Me encantan!

As for me, I remember that the last time I tried to ctb I said and thought: "Okay, whatever's next, there

Just like being thrown at a pool without knowing how to swim properly, "well I'm fucked but here we go lmao"

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'll probably look back on the few happy memories I did have, as well as my favorite moments throughout all the things I've been binge watching... Maybe I'll even look back fondly on some of the crushed dreams I've had. I hope that dwelling on nostalgic memories and why they can never be repeated in the future will be enough for me to go through with it all when the time comes and if not, then I'll have to continue to assure myself of why my future is ruined and the pain of this heartbreak will simply not heal fast enough for me to want to continue living.

 

[suicide4me]

I actually do partial hanging quite a bit to the point of pass out. My key word is peace, I just focus on that word and know that if I don't wake up, I'll be at peace. When I ultimately ctb and go all the way, I'll use the same.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

some mantras I can think of: "We all gonna die at some point" "death is inevitable" "it's just like sleeping"

 

[Bedrock48]

I love everyone's responses omg. Last attempt I remember just thinking to myself "Let go".

This time I've been thinking of giving Jesus a massive hug, that may not be comforting to you guys but it's something I've kept in my mind a lot. I've also been thinking a lot of the song "I can only imagine".

"What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine"

But yeah, if there's just infinite nothingness on the other side that suits me too.

 

[wait.what]

It actually never occurred to me to try and self-soothe through my final moments. I sort of assumed I'd just have to power through the ultimate existential horror that a human is capable of experiencing. That's probably why I haven't made more serious suicide attempts, honestly. That, and a lack of access to guns or other highly lethal methods. I have zero interest in the sort of methods that always seem to end in a "and then I woke up in the ER" story.

I guess sometimes I repeat the refrain from that one REM song to myself: "Calm, calm, belong." That might be helpful. There's also Hamlet's quote about "If it be now, 'tis not to come," and that Dune quote about how "fear is the mind killer." As a lifelong anxiety-ridden person, I do actually know quite a lot of meditation techniques and similar things for dealing with fear. It just never occurred to me that I could use them to get through the process of ctb. Hurr durr. I r smrt.

See, this stuff is why I come here. This is way more useful than some kind of Final Exit recipe that involves 3 controlled substances and the advice of a pharmacist who doesn't mind possibly getting charged with murder.

 

[Deepjoy]

No thoughts or words for me .I am going to ctb to the sound of Pearl Jam and strumming their signed guitar I've got.....that's just me

 

[hʚll]

thoughts:" freedom from corruption " "nothing is real, you don't exist"

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

"All the pain is going to be over soon"

 

[FuneralCry]

I will tell myself, 'I will finally be free, I will be at peace and my suffering will come to an end. No more pointless existence'

 

[one.way.out]

"Let go," "Peace," "Forgiveness," "Freedom."

 

[StevieNixs]

Ever since I started being suicidal, I also encountered another challenge, my anxiety and my survival instinct, last year while having my worst panic attacks, fears of dying and having palpitations/somatizations , i realized that when I went unconscious/fainted , in those instants of realizing I was just about to shut down i told my self "es solo un pequeño sueño, una pequeña siesta" (it's just a dream, just a little nap) so I wouldn't fear that atrocious fear in my heart, i would feel like I am my own home, and i am not alone, or at least, i am just sleeping for a little longer.

Have you thought any kind of word/thought or phrase for when you're passing out?

My sister's name.

 

[Hurt]

"Relax. This won't hurt."

 

[Phosphophyllite]

I'll think about the people I love.