Discussion what is that one thing you constantly think about?

[thedevilwithin]

i tend to think about what or who i could've been. how would my life be if i didn't feel this way.. my existence is a theater of fleeting moments.

the search for meaning echoes in the silence between heartbeats, and the weight of mortality casts a somber hue over the canvas of our experiences.

i want this to end.

 

[Reuthry]

I think I am sort of thinking about suicide nearly every time. I feel hopeless because I have been thinking about it for a long time but I am still alive, but I think I am slowly progressing, I finally took the first step and tried my method (without the intention of death, just practicing but it wouldn't be bad to accidentally die you know).

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm always thinking about ceasing to exist because after all that's all I wish for. No matter what I'll always see it as better to not exist as I find human existence undesirable and torturous. I wish for a dreamless and eternal sleep where I'm relieved from having the ability to suffer in this meaningless existence, I believe death to simply be the absence of everything.

 

[Darkover]

escaping this nightmare in hell

 

[fagor]

my bipolar disorder / psychotic episode

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm constantly worrying about work. Finding a job. Will I get a job? Will I hate it when I get it? Will I fail at it? Will I struggle with health problems related to work? Will the social anxety side to it be awful? Will I still be able to do my freelance creative work? What if the timings clash? Will I earn enough money? What if the time comes and I can finally CTB? (Waiting for my Dad to go first- I doubt I'll want to hang around after that.) Will they give me time off quickly?

Other than that- it's- CTB. Seems much more preferable to CTB- save myself the worry of all that.

 

[Hollowman]

I'm so far gone I barely have the capacity to think about anything.

 

[Sylveon]

The past.

 

[Necrosis]

My criminal history and if it will ever destroy what I've done for someone else..was it for nothing?

 

[AInilam]

I've just about emotionally/mentally checked out, all I can really think about is how to bide my time until I have everything I need.

 

[Abyssal]

Tiredness I guess? In a suicidal way.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

How I messed up my life and how different it could have been. Its a tragedy

 

[BlazingBob]

I feel so at home here. So many of the responses resonated with me. I'm mostly preoccupied with how exhausted I am and just surviving another day.

 

[BornByGhosts]

sleeping

what, did you think i was gonna say death? death is the thing I want the most, and if i think about death too much i will just get angry at not having it

 

[until death]

Suicide

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm thinking about death. Death is so peaceful

 

[MrP]

Disturbing thoughts about how disgusting life really is. Death. I also spend a lot of time thinking about Nuclear War.

 

[thedevilwithin]

I'm always thinking about ceasing to exist because after all that's all I wish for. No matter what I'll always see it as better to not exist as I find human existence undesirable and torturous. I wish for a dreamless and eternal sleep where I'm relieved from having the ability to suffer in this meaningless existence, I believe death to simply be the absence of everything.

i relate to your words very heavily…

I'm constantly worrying about work. Finding a job. Will I get a job? Will I hate it when I get it? Will I fail at it? Will I struggle with health problems related to work? Will the social anxety side to it be awful? Will I still be able to do my freelance creative work? What if the timings clash? Will I earn enough money? What if the time comes and I can finally CTB? (Waiting for my Dad to go first- I doubt I'll want to hang around after that.) Will they give me time off quickly?

Other than that- it's- CTB. Seems much more preferable to CTB- save myself the worry of all that.

very relatable. work anxiety is a bitch.

 

[SoulCage]

I'm constantly worrying about work. Finding a job. Will I get a job? Will I hate it when I get it? Will I fail at it? Will I struggle with health problems related to work? Will the social anxety side to it be awful? Will I still be able to do my freelance creative work? What if the timings clash? Will I earn enough money? What if the time comes and I can finally CTB? (Waiting for my Dad to go first- I doubt I'll want to hang around after that.) Will they give me time off quickly?

Other than that- it's- CTB. Seems much more preferable to CTB- save myself the worry of all that.

In my case I am also asking myself those question. With the addition of:

Will I still end up wanting to CTB despite having a job/purpose? Then what's the point of working anyway? But if I don't work and don't have enough resources (money, housing) for "the old age" - will I not suffer even more? Then why not CTB today?

And the stupid 0.01% thought of hope kicks in and tells me to continue to suffer :)

 

[Alltheywanted]

A blade

 

[passivethought121]

If not death, then what I just ate. Wondering why I ate it, or if I was hungry. Then I think about how it'll impact my food choices for the rest of the day, maybe the next few.

 

[outrider567]

How sad I am

 

[oddetoad]

death all the time

 

[vesisika]

capybaras, my crush, my psychologist, my anxiety and death wishes

 

[todiefor]

"I want to die" kinda just repeats in my head no matter what I'm doing or thinking, at the pace of every 30seconds to every 20min depending on how good a day it is

 

[annointed_towers]

How I messed up my life and how different it could have been. Its a tragedy

Precisely this

 

[Suspect_Device]

My stupid, fucked up, painful neck and how it will never heal.

 

[eternaldream]

what if this hadn't happened to me? Maybe I wouldn't think about death all the time

 

[raindrops]

Him, all I think about is him and most recently survival instinct like how to stop it

 

[Ashu]

As a background or soundtrack to my stream of consciousness, there is an almost constant imagery of me blowing my brains out or hanging myself, which I experience as a comfort and a consolation.