Discussion What is stopping you from CTB today?

[CravingPeace]

Besides lack of supplies, what is stopping you from CTB today? What is keeping you around for another day right now?

For me, it is my dog. He has been here for me through repulsive times and yet he still loves me. I'm afraid of breaking his heart. Still, I find more comfort daily in knowing that I can always leave him with my closest friend if things get too hard for me. I just fear the idea of him wanting me to return when I wouldn't be.

I also don't want to leave my closest friend with thinking he could've done more to save me. He has already done so much to make me feel loved and I don't want him to feel that these things were fruitless. However, if the suffering gets too much, I will have to explain in detail that it's not his fault.

 

[LunarEc]

Nothing, other than that I lack the proper method and resources for it.

 

[vercabow]

unfinished goodbye thread

 

[Sayoki]

Unfinished story.

 

[sadalways]

The stupid "hope" that i'll wake up with my anxiety magically gone and a small fear of the "what happens after". Obviously i know my anxiety wont be gone. So i'm just trying to get over the fear of the unknown, really. That and there's one show i want to watch, if i can hold out.

 

[glenn]

SI and chances of being failed

 

[conquest_gold]

Mostly my own plan. I want to clean my room and burn all my stuff. I don't have anything to hide honestly. It's a weird combo of not wanting to leave a mess for everyone else to deal with and really not wanting anyone else to mess with my things even when I'm gone.

 

[DivineSpark]

Loving kind family and friends, I am blessed in that department. I dont want to hurt them, I dont want to cause them any pain. I have to stay strong.

 

[manicstreetbeeper]

i'm just not eating. i thought it was really getting better but i am still so depressed and anxious.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me it's the fact I'm so cruelly denied the option to just permanently stop suffering, I'll always see so much cruelty in how I cannot just have the option to just cease existing in peace even know this existence that just causes problems there were never a need for and suffering all for the sake of it was so tragically imposed. I'd just never wish for existence rather I only hope for non-existence, only ceasing to exist could ever be positive for me and I'd always prefer to not exist than suffer in this futile, torturous existence just to die in agony from old age, I always suffer so much from how painless death is denied for me, it's so painful to be trapped in this existence just waiting to die anyway, I wish I could just choose to never exist ever again.

 

[WanderingTiger]

I understand you deeply and hope you can find all the joy and peace you seek. I'm not here yet due to a lack of resources, as I could easily pursue one of the methods I have in mind. I'm here for my family, my dog, my animals, and my only online friend (even though he doesn't completely understand me and speaks poorly of those who consider suicide; I just don't want to make him suffer or anything like that because he has helped me with some problems). I couldn't abandon them and make them suffer because of my death, and I would hate to have been just a burden to my family, even after they have done everything for me. My dog and my animals have always been with me in difficult moments, so I continue to stay alive and endure everything for them. When I do eventually follow through with what I want, I hope to resolve everything that is pending so I can leave with a clear mind and without regrets.

 

[Languish]

I am too tired to try. There is a level of depression so lethargic, as to be nearly catatonic. The thought of putting in any effort in an attempt to die feels like too, too much.