Discussion What is dating like?

[HyenaRadio]

To anyone in a relationship or who has been in a relationship how does it make you feel?

Recently I started seeing someone and it's definitely effecting my plans relating to ctb.

I'm curious to hear others experiences and how it relates to your suicidal ideations/ plans!

Also I say 'dating' but this includes married people too! Anyone who has been or is currently in a relationship, I'm curious about what it's like for you.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Made me feel wanted and valued. Though, I wasnt dating when I actively wanted to die so idk if it would have affected my plans to CTB.

 

[Rairii]

I'm always worried about it ending. I have a hard time believing that anything good will come my way and actually stay in my life, considering my past expierences. So I keep hope at a distance. I do still feel love for them and indulge in their love. I still think about the future we could have. I still want to make them happy and be a good girlfriend. Yet the thought of suicide does not leave my mind, it does not even lessen.

I guess I am a bit "selfish" in this regard. I have a deep held belief that even if I take my life, the person will eventually move on. I have no family or friends, so I don't have to worry about that. Even though some of my pain comes from feeling deeply alone and like an outcast, being in relationships seems to have never fixed this for me. Maybe if I could fix the mindset of believing in hope and trusting others a bit more then maybe I would be a bit better. Yet I still have a lot of other problems, both mental and physical that are completely unrelated, that no other person could ever fix, not even myself. So of course being in a relationship would not be able to ease it sadly.

 

[HyenaRadio]

I'm always worried about it ending. I have a hard time believing that anything good will come my way and actually stay in my life, considering my past expierences. So I keep hope at a distance. I do still feel love for them and indulge in their love. I still think about the future we could have. I still want to make them happy and be a good girlfriend. Yet the thought of suicide does not leave my mind, it does not even lessen.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I very much relate to your feelings on this. Hopefully things will eventually workout, no matter what path we take.

 

[Das Nichts]

I'm currently in a friend with benefit situation but that does not really effect my CTB plans.
I've been trying to ditch the person for some time now but shes quit relentless keeping the
contact alive.

Not an ideal situation.

 

[leavingsoon99]

The woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with left me after my business failed. Apparently, she'd been cheating on me for quite a while. So, I'm done with dating. Besides, I hear the horror stories now of being ghosted and things like that. I once read an article titled, "Are Humans Worth Dating Anymore". It basically explained the profoundly sick influence that both social media and "woke" culture has had on the dating scene. I would love nothing more than to have a good woman to come home to and to love. That's too much to ask of my life, though. Dating the right people can be very fun and interesting. So, whatever happens, I wish you well in that endeavor.

To speak to your situation, I mean... even if I were to meet an amazing woman at this point, I'd still go through with it. See, my decision is more based on the full body of experience with life. I've never really sought meaning or wanted to mean anything to anyone other than my mother and father. And they taught me early on in life that I meant nothing to them. So, any love from anywhere else was always either lost upon me completely or taken for granted. The most important people in my life (family) absolutely rejected me. It made me cold to people for a very long time. Even when I was out and about being extroverted and having fun. I could have fun with people and just leave the next day, because I understood that I meant nothing to them. So, a good woman at this point would serve to comfort me. But, that's a note that I'd have to write and explain how truly sorry I'd be to have to leave like this. And I would be very sorry. Her love won't heal the damage that's been done to me.

 

[Caramelized]

Hmm....I dated someone for like 4 years and honestly it was one of the best experiences I've ever had regarding personal development. I learned so much about what I wanted out of a relationship, how to manage my jealousy, insecurities, fears of it all ending. I cried a lot lol, but I definitely laughed a lot more. I still treasure those experiences even though I want to die! It's not healthy to become aggressively dependent on your partner and a relationship isn't the magic cure to help you suddenly love existing, but I feel like a pleasant relationship could really help you to appreciate living just a bit more sometimes (.◜◡◝) Long rambles short lmao, I would just say that you should see this through and try your best to enjoy your new relationship regardless of whether you choose to CTB or not. Good luck (´▽`)

 

[Linda]

To anyone in a relationship or who has been in a relationship how does it make you feel?

Recently I started seeing someone and it's definitely effecting my plans relating to ctb.

I'm curious to hear others experiences and how it relates to your suicidal ideations/ plans!

Also I say 'dating' but this includes married people too! Anyone who has been or is currently in a relationship, I'm curious about what it's like for you.

In my experience, a relationship with the right sort of person definitely makes life better. A lot better. A relationship with the wrong person can make life worse, but in that case you can always end the relationship and start again.

 

[ineverlived]

idk lacking intimacy is one of the biggest reasons my ctb

 

[RoundaboutResolved]

When it's a good relationship the urge to ctb gets put in timeout in a corner & told to be quiet.

When the relationship goes bad the urge to ctb gets cranked up to 11.

 

[NambaSutra]

It's fun at first but can easily turn into a nightmare after a while. Honestly I think I'd be less suicidal if I were still a virgin.

 

[Flailure 513282]

To anyone in a relationship or who has been in a relationship how does it make you feel?

Recently I started seeing someone and it's definitely effecting my plans relating to ctb.

I'm curious to hear others experiences and how it relates to your suicidal ideations/ plans!

Also I say 'dating' but this includes married people too! Anyone who has been or is currently in a relationship, I'm curious about what it's like for you.

I was in one for about 2/3 of a year. It felt really nice, being that close and intimate with someone so amazing. A best friend who I could cuddle, who I wanted to spend every waking moment with, and could talk for hours or sit in silence. We were both able to support each other when dealing with shitty mental health. And best of all, knowing I was finally a good thing in someone's life.
But they were also another person that would have been saddened by my death. They ended up finding someone much better than me and leaving me for them. I'm happy for them, they deserve to be with someone better than my useless self. I feel like towards the end of our relationship, I was just an obstacle in their way.

 

[catastrophix]

In my experience, I haven't had any real enjoyable relationships, as they've mostly been with men (I'm a lesbian). While I had some nice boyfriends, I had a lot of shitty ones, too. To me, these relationships were my way of trying to convince myself that I was straight. They made me feel less ashamed, but all I was doing was avoiding the inevitable. My longest relationship was 2 1/2 years. As soon as we broke up, I stopped denying myself and started dating nonbinary people and women, but since I've been in a downward spiral since 2021, I haven't focused on dating much since. Dating in general feels really scary for me, no matter the gender. It's nice when your partner actually cares, but I haven't dated too many people like that. Sorry this is so long T^T

 

[cogmachine]

quite tricky. at the moment current one is the only person i have "irl" at this point. seeing someone face to face as well as getting the oxytocin charge is highlight of every bleak day. we depend on eachother and he said we will both leave the earth together. if any of us go first, the other will follow suit. the only stark difference is that they're a lot more stable. most of them prolonged life expectancy in a way, but didn't really "weed it out". the one i have right now is obsessively codependent, which is why it may look unhealthy. at least it'll make the last moments all the more sweeter. i'm happy for your success in it, and i wish it prospers d=(´▽｀)=b

 

[SexyIncél]

• "Relationship": intimate interactions with basically the most complex object we know. One extremely similar to me
  • More rewarding to me than mere physical objects, like rocks and cars
  • As a social animal, they greatly transform me
    
• My value: cause pleasure, reduce suffering
  
  
• I like when they cause me pleasure and reduce suffering
  • Three important attributes: intellectual, moral, physical.
  • Plus desire: to use these three attributes to alter my pleasure/suffering
    • Those who do this exceptionally well are rare, but exist
      
• Let's say they come in two types: great and shitty.
  • Shitty people frustrate my desires
    • Very often, they like my worst parts. And make me worse. For example, they want to whisper how they're superior to others; they love when I make fun of their target too. If I don't, their poor widdle feelings = hurt. They can be worthwhile if you don't take them too seriously. Don't turn off your brain, analyze them intensely. If they require you to lie a lot, they won't likely last long. They can make you dumber. They may come to attack you, and teach this lesson: "But all I've ever learned from love, was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you"
      
  • Great people can be worth dying for. And dying with. They make me into a better person
    
    
  • Great person + shitty in relationship with me = shitty
    • Don't be cruel to these people. If you break up, help them replace you
      
  • Shitty person + great in relationship with me = great
    • Conceivable, but weird possibility

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

It's fun, getting in to a good relationship has helped me feel more like my old self again, I feel less anxiety so I can do things I couldn't do before that were linked to trauma. It's not a cure to my problems, so my suicidal ideation doesn't ever go away but it feels less urgent.

 

[Sammie_com.sanrio]

You guys are so lucky to actually have someone or had I never have had one maybe I just don't deserve to be loved I asked out like 3 people and every time just rejected but it's fine ig so I don't have a feeling of guilt when I ctb

 

[enviro400mmc]

It's pretty much the best thing in the world if you're successful and the worst thing in the world if you're unsuccessful.

Also I think it depends on how good you are at dating in general, if you're good at it you are less likely to be put off or really permanently damaged if a relationship turns sour but the flipside is that if it goes well you are more likely to take it for granted.

If you suck at dating any successes will feel like the best thing in the world but when things go wrong it will probably ruin you.

 

[SpiderLink]

To anyone in a relationship or who has been in a relationship how does it make you feel?

Recently I started seeing someone and it's definitely effecting my plans relating to ctb.

I'm curious to hear others experiences and how it relates to your suicidal ideations/ plans!

Also I say 'dating' but this includes married people too! Anyone who has been or is currently in a relationship, I'm curious about what it's like for you.

I'm aro ace so I have no idea

 

[endless_pain]

The woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with left me after my business failed. Apparently, she'd been cheating on me for quite a while. So, I'm done with dating. Besides, I hear the horror stories now of being ghosted and things like that. I once read an article titled, "Are Humans Worth Dating Anymore". It basically explained the profoundly sick influence that both social media and "woke" culture has had on the dating scene. I would love nothing more than to have a good woman to come home to and to love. That's too much to ask of my life, though. Dating the right people can be very fun and interesting. So, whatever happens, I wish you well in that endeavor.

To speak to your situation, I mean... even if I were to meet an amazing woman at this point, I'd still go through with it. See, my decision is more based on the full body of experience with life. I've never really sought meaning or wanted to mean anything to anyone other than my mother and father. And they taught me early on in life that I meant nothing to them. So, any love from anywhere else was always either lost upon me completely or taken for granted. The most important people in my life (family) absolutely rejected me. It made me cold to people for a very long time. Even when I was out and about being extroverted and having fun. I could have fun with people and just leave the next day, because I understood that I meant nothing to them. So, a good woman at this point would serve to comfort me. But, that's a note that I'd have to write and explain how truly sorry I'd be to have to leave like this. And I would be very sorry. Her love won't heal the damage that's been done to me.

Unfortunately the adult love we would like to receive cannot replace the love of the parents in fact. Sad truth
I feel this is one of the reasons for cbt, no feeling of love from our parents and the costant sense of no self worth.
Even after understanding their disorder I still struggle indeed

 

[Ambivalent1]

Ghosting ruins dating and it happens a lot even if things seem great. It happens out of nowhere

 

[Twistedliesinside]

Love has been the deepest, most valuable experience in my life. If only to distract from oneself in caring for another. Love has created true meaning in my life. Unfortunately, the experience of losing love with another can result in also losing the will to live. Spiritually speaking, I appreciate learning from what I feel is the greatest thing in life, but it's been just as valuable, if not more informative, to learn from a place of darkness, pain and agony that allows me clarity in knowing both the desire to live, and the need to end your own existence.

The biggest issue for me currently, regarding my own feelings about life, is not being able to connect with people that aren't depressed or suicidal. I don't want to connect with them either, because it feels like they lack perspective on the human experience. Even if I did like somebody that had no understanding of my life experience, I would only corrupt them if I shared my heart with them.

No relationship could change the damage already done in life, or the way I see things anymore. However, I would always reduce any self-destructive behaviour for them. No matter how much pain I feel, if I can live for another, then I'll gladly endure hell on earth.

• "Relationship": intimate interactions with basically the most complex object we know. One extremely similar to me
  • More rewarding to me than mere physical objects, like rocks and cars
  • As a social animal, they greatly transform me
• My value: cause pleasure, reduce suffering
  
  
• I like when they cause me pleasure and reduce suffering
  • Three important attributes: intellectual, moral, physical.
  • Plus desire: to use these three attributes to alter my pleasure/suffering
    • Those who do this exceptionally well are rare, but exist
• Let's say they come in two types: great and shitty.
  • Shitty people frustrate my desires
    • Very often, they like my worst parts. And make me worse. For example, they want to whisper how they're superior to others; they love when I make fun of their target too. If I don't, their poor widdle feelings = hurt. They can be worthwhile if you don't take them too seriously. Don't turn off your brain, analyze them intensely. If they require you to lie a lot, they won't likely last long. They can make you dumber. They may come to attack you, and teach this lesson: "But all I've ever learned from love, was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you"
  • Great people can be worth dying for. And dying with. They make me into a better person
    
    
  • Great person + shitty in relationship with me = shitty
    • Don't be cruel to these people. If you break up, help them replace you
  • Shitty person + great in relationship with me = great
    • Conceivable, but weird possibility

Interesting and articulate points. I agree with a lot, however I feel that existence is so much greater than pleasure or suffering.

 

[enviro400mmc]

Unfortunately the adult love we would like to receive cannot replace the love of the parents in fact. Sad truth
I feel this is one of the reasons for cbt, no feeling of love from our parents and the costant sense of no self worth.
Even after understanding their disorder I still struggle indeed

Is it dumb that I feel the exact opposite of that? I get lots of love from my family but the fact I never get anything from the outside world plays a huge part in the fact I want to ctb

 

[endless_pain]

Is it dumb that I feel the exact opposite of that? I get lots of love from my family but the fact I never get anything from the outside world plays a huge part in the fact I want to ctb

I believe every situation is different so you are not definitely dumb. I hope you can find your peace someway

 

[Ultracheese]

I can only speak for my experiences, but my relationship is one of the few things in this life that keeps me going. I'm fortunate to have a partner who makes me feel seen and understood. My partner is aware of my suicidal feelings, and while he discourages me from acting on them, he is respectful about them and allows me to vent without lecturing me or guilt-tripping me. I will probably still CTB, but it will most likely be after he dies.

 

[Rational man]

I was in a relationship and it was great at the time and worth pursuing with the right person. Your heart will know whats right. Of course i had expectations that human relationships are forevermore. In reality though, they are not, just like life, everything is impermanence. Love is just for today. Now im ill, love is the last thing im pursuing. Just dont have expectations because that is the road to disappointment.

 

[tomsguam]

idk lacking intimacy is one of the biggest reasons my ctb

I feel the same way, it sucks knowing know one wants to be intimate with you

 

[Lookoutbelow]

When it's a good relationship the urge to ctb gets put in timeout in a corner & told to be quiet.

When the relationship goes bad the urge to ctb gets cranked up to 11.

Hell yeah!

Ghosting ruins dating and it happens a lot even if things seem great. It happens out of nowhere

It happens out if fucking nowhere! 13 years together with kids. Still ends out of fucking nowhere! Now I will end!

 

[Ashe]

I hate hate hate modern dating because ghosting is incredibly abundant, no one ever wants to be or can handle being confrontional so most prospects just disolve fast, all dating apps are just made for ego centric twats to fish for compliments and heartbreak... Too much heartbreak...