A quote of David Foster Wallace made me think about that. It is from his story The Planet Trillaphon. I had to make a lot of research to find it.
"I really don't know if the Bad Thing is really depression. I had previously sort of always thought that depression was just sort of really intense sadness, like what you feel when your very good dog dies, or when Bambi's mother gets killed in Bambi. I thought that it was that you frowned or maybe even cried a little bit if you were a girl and said "Holy cow, I'm really depressed, here," and then your friends if you have any come and cheer you up or take you out and get you ploughed and in the morning it's like a faded color and in a couple days it's gone altogether. The Bad Thing—which I guess is what is really depression—is very different, and indescribably worse."
I could relate to that a lot. As so often when I read DFW. I am mentally ill since I am 15. But I am sure there were a lot of signs before that. Some years later I finally realized it. The only thing I knew about depression was my dad claimed to have it. He never spoke about it. My mom always called him lazy for that. This shaped my view on depression. I think I had the notion people with mental illness are just weak. I sometimes read people with depression could not stand up from bed. I never understood that before I experienced it. To be honest when I was a teenager I was quite ignorant. (Probably as the most teenager but maybe even a way worse.) I had somewhat the attitude of an asshole. The bullying I experienced taught me not to be sensitive. (which is quite a huge character trade of me)
Even when I had depressions as a teenager I did not realized it. I thought this would be absolutely normal to hate yourself and having suicidal thoughts. Moreover I thought most parents woud treat their children like I was treated. I had no idea what a healthy childhood was.
The other time I learned about mental illness (major depression when a famous football goalkeeper in my country committed suicide. This was the first famous suicide which really affected me. My dad (who had depression) made a joke about him when we played together FIFA on my playstation. Yeah my dad is quite often an ignorant jerk. His stances on suicide are horrendous. But when he opens up about his suicidal ideation (which was a tiny fraction to my suicidality) He almost always cries when he talks about it. Yeah maybe you be more empathetic about other people's suicidality before you are self-pitying yourself for it. Maybe I am too harsh when I say this. Maybe I am becoming like my dad which I always tried to prevent.
I think becoming mentally ill made me more compassionate for other people's suffering I am more aware about the stigma and the horrible way the topic suicide is treated in our society. I think sometimes it is pretty hard to grasp for neurotypicals how it feels like to be severely suicidal or severely depressed. If more people would have experienced it maybe the people would become more compassionate towards other people who struggle. On the other hand my dad is pretty much a counter example to that theory.
How have you thought about mental illness/your illness before you have got it?I had a lot of wrong myths and stupid prejudices about it. To my defence I was really young to that time.
"I really don't know if the Bad Thing is really depression. I had previously sort of always thought that depression was just sort of really intense sadness, like what you feel when your very good dog dies, or when Bambi's mother gets killed in Bambi. I thought that it was that you frowned or maybe even cried a little bit if you were a girl and said "Holy cow, I'm really depressed, here," and then your friends if you have any come and cheer you up or take you out and get you ploughed and in the morning it's like a faded color and in a couple days it's gone altogether. The Bad Thing—which I guess is what is really depression—is very different, and indescribably worse."
I could relate to that a lot. As so often when I read DFW. I am mentally ill since I am 15. But I am sure there were a lot of signs before that. Some years later I finally realized it. The only thing I knew about depression was my dad claimed to have it. He never spoke about it. My mom always called him lazy for that. This shaped my view on depression. I think I had the notion people with mental illness are just weak. I sometimes read people with depression could not stand up from bed. I never understood that before I experienced it. To be honest when I was a teenager I was quite ignorant. (Probably as the most teenager but maybe even a way worse.) I had somewhat the attitude of an asshole. The bullying I experienced taught me not to be sensitive. (which is quite a huge character trade of me)
Even when I had depressions as a teenager I did not realized it. I thought this would be absolutely normal to hate yourself and having suicidal thoughts. Moreover I thought most parents woud treat their children like I was treated. I had no idea what a healthy childhood was.
The other time I learned about mental illness (major depression when a famous football goalkeeper in my country committed suicide. This was the first famous suicide which really affected me. My dad (who had depression) made a joke about him when we played together FIFA on my playstation. Yeah my dad is quite often an ignorant jerk. His stances on suicide are horrendous. But when he opens up about his suicidal ideation (which was a tiny fraction to my suicidality) He almost always cries when he talks about it. Yeah maybe you be more empathetic about other people's suicidality before you are self-pitying yourself for it. Maybe I am too harsh when I say this. Maybe I am becoming like my dad which I always tried to prevent.
I think becoming mentally ill made me more compassionate for other people's suffering I am more aware about the stigma and the horrible way the topic suicide is treated in our society. I think sometimes it is pretty hard to grasp for neurotypicals how it feels like to be severely suicidal or severely depressed. If more people would have experienced it maybe the people would become more compassionate towards other people who struggle. On the other hand my dad is pretty much a counter example to that theory.
How have you thought about mental illness/your illness before you have got it?I had a lot of wrong myths and stupid prejudices about it. To my defence I was really young to that time.
