Venting what had happened to me...

[euphric]

just opened the website watchpeopledie and i don't know what to feel. that's my first time (or i would consider as first time but i've watched some gore videos years ago and forgot about those)

but, while scrolling as i can't really open one, a thought came into me: what had happened to me, like this doesn't feel like me. i think I've suffered enough to the point the one who's suffering became someone else. this isn't me who copes before. this is not me.

i don't really watch or even look at some gore videos or photos, but just this moment, i did. and it gave me that feeling and sensation of awareness of what my planning of ctb-ing could be put on—a body burned, decapitated body, pale head skin, a sliced wrist and many more—and kinda drove me off. yet, i kept scrolling and clicking the exceeding number from 1 to 5 where i completely close the tab.

i don't know what to feel what the fuck.am i doomed? I'm now aware of what the aftermath could look like. dang, but like I didn't saw a body of an individual that ingest sn, what would that look like?

the fuck, whenever o close my eyes now the images i saw flashes AHAHHAHAHAH CRAZZZZY! (this looks like that man that shot his head while in bed) (this also looks like that serbian man who like put a firecracker on his mouth lol, the way it looooooks!)

idk what i long for writing this, but like thoughts, insights, i guess? say what you have pls

 

[hevnsfall]

I am no stranger to gore.

I have recently watched all 245 pages of ctb and.. i was ok. For sole documentation purposes. Each to their own i guess. It either puts you off or it makes you stronger.

 

[ctb_warrior]

just opened the website watchpeopledie and i don't know what to feel. that's my first time (or i would consider as first time but i've watched some gore videos years ago and forgot about those)

but, while scrolling as i can't really open one, a thought came into me: what had happened to me, like this doesn't feel like me. i think I've suffered enough to the point the one who's suffering became someone else. this isn't me who copes before. this is not me.

i don't really watch or even look at some gore videos or photos, but just this moment, i did. and it gave me that feeling and sensation of awareness of what my planning of ctb-ing could be put on—a body burned, decapitated body, pale head skin, a sliced wrist and many more—and kinda drove me off. yet, i kept scrolling and clicking the exceeding number from 1 to 5 where i completely close the tab.

i don't know what to feel what the fuck.am i doomed? I'm now aware of what the aftermath could look like. dang, but like I didn't saw a body of an individual that ingest sn, what would that look like?

the fuck, whenever o close my eyes now the images i saw flashes AHAHHAHAHAH CRAZZZZY! (this looks like that man that shot his head while in bed) (this also looks like that serbian man who like put a firecracker on his mouth lol, the way it looooooks!)

idk what i long for writing this, but like thoughts, insights, i guess? say what you have pls

I also can't watch such videos.
And it's scary to know the aftermath

 

[unluckysadness]

I will never watch any of these videos and I don't know how such a website can be easily accessible on clearnet. Being on a suicide forum is sufficient for me... The good thing is that you realize how much it's insane to watch decapitated bodies. Everybody makes mistakes. Next time, just watch porn instead... It will always be better than watching these gore videos which can give panic attacks or traumas.

 

[Graveyardly]

just opened the website watchpeopledie and i don't know what to feel. that's my first time (or i would consider as first time but i've watched some gore videos years ago and forgot about those)

but, while scrolling as i can't really open one, a thought came into me: what had happened to me, like this doesn't feel like me. i think I've suffered enough to the point the one who's suffering became someone else. this isn't me who copes before. this is not me.

i don't really watch or even look at some gore videos or photos, but just this moment, i did. and it gave me that feeling and sensation of awareness of what my planning of ctb-ing could be put on—a body burned, decapitated body, pale head skin, a sliced wrist and many more—and kinda drove me off. yet, i kept scrolling and clicking the exceeding number from 1 to 5 where i completely close the tab.

i don't know what to feel what the fuck.am i doomed? I'm now aware of what the aftermath could look like. dang, but like I didn't saw a body of an individual that ingest sn, what would that look like?

the fuck, whenever o close my eyes now the images i saw flashes AHAHHAHAHAH CRAZZZZY! (this looks like that man that shot his head while in bed) (this also looks like that serbian man who like put a firecracker on his mouth lol, the way it looooooks!)

idk what i long for writing this, but like thoughts, insights, i guess? say what you have pls

You saying you've suffered so much that you don't feel like you're the one suffering reminds me of my experience with ptsd. At some point now or in the past, the mind breaks because it can't take it anymore of the input or reality it's witnessing. So you seem to have mild disassociation.

But also you seem to vividly be you in that you're affected by those images and they stay with you so your senses and imagination must be good.

I'm no psychiatrist but you seem like a jolly person, what motivated you to watch those videos ? And yeah usually if you ctb you try and think about the people who have to clean after you. It's kind of like the toilet in public spaces, some people just don't care about others lol.