Discussion What good things can happen after 30 years old anyway?

[JustBe]

I mean killing yourself in your early twenties to me is a terrible move, tons of things can happen between 20 and 30.

But when you're in your 30s... I mean what's the point?
You have your job, your traumas are deep inside you if you couldn't patch them, you life is pretty much set and your sole job is to keep on going and get small improvements.

So when you have a total shitty life, that it's unbearable, what's the point? Nothing will change, you'll just suffer more. Depending on your health it can keep on going for 30-40 years of endless suffering.

In my case, I'm 31, I'm stuck, both financially and in my professional career, I've been a burden to everyone I ever met, I had some fun for a year and a half in my twenties I'd say but my fun was detrimental to people I was with. I'm just a burden to everyone sooner or later. Moreover, I have unfixable back pain issues which make me as physically mobile as a retiree.

So yeah, while I'm serious about killing myself and figured out how I'll go with helium, I still consider the possibility that I might make an error of judgment.

Do you think life is settled at 30 years old? Do you know anyone around you who got to have a better life after 30 after being a worthless loser?

 

[Dot]

Thnk = individul jst lke n.e.thng els

In grnd schme of thngs 30 = stll v yng

Ppl lves stll fll aprt whn thy r 35 40+ & thy strt agn & stll hve gd lves l8tr on

Thre r ppl in thr 40s & 50s rght nw wh/ r jst b-ginnng recovry frm dp addictns or injry or losng ppl etc & thy stll mange 2 mve 4ward

Th/ numbr = nt rlly a rliable metrc fr whthr thngs wll gt bettr imo bcse n.e.thng cn happn @ n.e tme of lfe gd or bd

 

[JustBe]

Think: you're an individual just like anything else.

In the grand scheme of things, 30 is still very young.

People's lives still fall apart when they're 35, 40+, and they start again and still have good lives later on.

There are people in their 40s and 50s right now who are just beginning recovery from drug addictions, injury, losing people, etc., and they still manage to move forward.

The number [age] is not really a reliable metric for whether things will get better, in my opinion, because anything can happen at any time in life, good or bad.

I couldn't agree less.

Even when life sucks it can get exciting and thrilling when you're young, so many things to do, so many opportunities to have.

Expecting a worthless loser to move their ass and change their life at a moment when it's significantly harder [than to change your path at ~22-25yo] seems a bit delusional.
Life isn't a fairy tale. Free will is always limited to the fatalism induced in your life. Without going into details or politics, if you were born poor and didn't manage to climb the social ladder in your teens or as a young adult, you will be poor for life. And this principle extends to so many others.

Honestly, all the rehab stuff you're using as examples is hypocritical. In the end, their life is even more miserable than before. they're back at work, but it doesn't change anything. their life still sucks as much as before, but they can't cope, and furthermore who wants an ex addict who looks like shit anywhere else than at a low wage position, or cleaning toilets. Instead of drowning their sadness in drugs, they just puts up with it. I don't know which is worse, honestly.
But yes, "hooray, congrats, you managed to stop," okay, but what about the rest of your life, the one that made you sink into drugs? What's that like?

So yeah, accept that you're a loser and move on, life can keep on going. But do you accept it, or do you want to get the way out? Do you even want this life for your kids?

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

I'm 60 years old, and since I was 20, I've never seen a purpose in existing, and perhaps I'm only alive because of my survival instinct. Be that as it may, I've arrived here without purpose, and somehow, even unconsciously, I may have redefined what I once valued. I don't know the answer to your question, but if I'm here, I know it's possible to continue. Stability? From a financial point of view, yes, mainly because my lack of pleasure in living has made it easy. I lived a minimalist life out of pure apathy, aware that life is just a mechanical and indifferent process. What truly bothers me is living without purpose, waiting for what life will give me, just like everyone else: an unpredictable, random, and indifferent ending, just as life itself arose millions of years ago. In short, I don't have the answer to your question. I believe you'll have to decide for yourself.

 

[Dot]

I couldn't agree less.

Even when life sucks it can get exciting and thrilling when you're young, so many things to do, so many opportunities to have.

Expecting a worthless loser to move their ass and change their life at a moment when it's significantly harder [than to change your path at ~22-25yo] seems a bit delusional.
Life isn't a fairy tale. Free will is always limited to the fatalism induced in your life. Without going into details or politics, if you were born poor and didn't manage to climb the social ladder in your teens or as a young adult, you will be poor for life. And this principle extends to so many others.

Honestly, all the rehab stuff you're using as examples is hypocritical. In the end, their life is even more miserable than before. they're back at work, but it doesn't change anything. their life still sucks as much as before, but they can't cope, and furthermore who wants an ex addict who looks like shit anywhere else than at a low wage position, or cleaning toilets. Instead of drowning their sadness in drugs, they just puts up with it. I don't know which is worse, honestly.
But yes, "hooray, congrats, you managed to stop," okay, but what about the rest of your life, the one that made you sink into drugs? What's that like?

So yeah, accept that you're a loser and move on, life can keep on going. But do you accept it, or do you want to get the way out? Do you even want this life for your kids?

Nothng wrng wth dsgreeing - ur xperncs r goin2 shpe ur perceptn jst as slf hve

Slf usd addictn as xampl bcse slf knw multple ppl wh/ bcme sobr & thn mrried & hd famlis & wre v hppy whn slf lst sw thm

Slf knw ppl wh/ dvorcd in thr 40s & startd agn & r hppy

Obv tht = nt goin2 b th/ cse fr evry1 - sme ppl r goin2 spirl & strggle & thngs mght nt gt bettr

Am jst sayng tht jst bcse thngs r nt rght whn r 30 ds nt mn tht lfe hs 2 b ovr fr evry1 - = goin2 b dffrnt fr dffrnt ppl & dffrnt stuatns whch affct thm jst as mch if nt mre thn ag ds - ur xperncs r ur own

Slf lfe = basclly ovr & am trappd in st8 of purgtry bcse of fear of ctb - bt hw old slf am = prbbly only 30% factr in tht

 

[FuneralCry]

No, what is terrible is how humans cause all this harm and suffering by imposing this existence at all, existence itself is the true problem to me and I'll always see existence as the most terrible mistake no matter what that only ever tortures existing beings with no limit as to how much agony one can feel.

For me ceasing to exist is the positive solution to find peace from the suffering, torture and cruelty of existing and for me every second is torture to be conscious, no matter what this existence should never be imposed, only non-existence is good to me, only in non-existence will I be at peace from the terrible, torturous and deeply undesirable burden of existing, I'll always see it as an abomination to exist.

 

[COP2CON]

Well after 30 Colonial Penn Life Insurance and Life Alert look pretty appealing.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I'm 36 and I think I'm pretty much cooked. I'll be 37 this summer and that feels really old. Like 36 didn't sound old enough. Lot of pain and rejection in high school, lot more in college. That big start in life, graduation, was supposed to happen 15 years ago. Fifteen! My friends have gone on to careers, started families, etc. I've fallen out of contact with most of them.

I don't really work, I stopped exercising, I don't read, I barely eat anymore. I have no marketable skills. I used to have muscles at least. Now I'm just a generic dumb guy. There's no way this is turning around. I need to stop tickling myself with hope, make a rational decision for suicide, and get it done.

 

[Ligottian]

I'm 36 and I think I'm pretty much cooked. I'll be 37 this summer and that feels really old. Like 36 didn't sound old enough. Lot of pain and rejection in high school, lot more in college. That big start in life, graduation, was supposed to happen 15 years ago. Fifteen! My friends have gone on to careers, started families, etc. I've fallen out of contact with most of them.

I don't really work, I stopped exercising, I don't read, I barely eat anymore. I have no marketable skills. I used to have muscles at least. Now I'm just a generic dumb guy. There's no way this is turning around. I need to stop tickling myself with hope, make a rational decision for suicide, and get it done.

I'm 65. My neighbor thought I was 50. There really isn't much for me to do in life. Every thing I once wanted to have or do is pretty much gone. The few friends I had are mostly either dead or "gone away". Just waiting for enough SI to fade away.

 

[blacksand]

Turned 30 in September and it is actually worse than I expected. Can't believe how fast I got here.

The start of the decade when I was 24 feels like a gulf from where I am now in regards to mental plasticity, energy and just all round ability to not be in a constant state of anhedonia and mental paralysis around my life trajectory. Even 3-4 years ago does. Its fucking uncanny how that time flashed past like I know it logically has and truth be told I can feel those years as a long time but it still doesn't feel right or fair. I feel cheated by time.

Well aware that to older people 30 sounds trivial but it doesn't feel it.

 

[tasmaka]

My response probably wont mean anything here.. Im barely an adult myself but Id imagine being 30 as a.. possibly more stable era? As far as understanding the world compared to those younger, and more optimistic than older, if that make sense?? Not a midpoint but still young in the grand scheme of things..

You dont understand!! 30 is young!!
Iykyk….

 

[RinneOfAragon]

I'm 65. My neighbor thought I was 50. There really isn't much for me to do in life. Every thing I once wanted to have or do is pretty much gone. The few friends I had are mostly either dead or "gone away". Just waiting for enough SI to fade away.

gosh it really is rotten getting old. it really bites. 😥 People dieing that were once so vibrant it's so weird to live through.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Well after 30 Colonial Penn Life Insurance and Life Alert look pretty appealing.

30-50 were my best years. After 50, not so much

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

My response probably wont mean anything here.. Im barely an adult myself but Id imagine being 30 as a.. possibly more stable era? As far as understanding the world compared to those younger, and more optimistic than older, if that make sense?? Not a midpoint but still young in the grand scheme of things..

You dont understand!! 30 is young!!
Iykyk….

I think it's an especially awful age because it's the end of youth. Who you dream of becoming dies and what you're left with is who you are. And if you turned out badly, yikes.

 

[tasmaka]

I think it's an especially awful age because it's the end of youth. Who you dream of becoming dies and what you're left with is who you are. And if you turned out badly, yikes.

I suppose.. Im not hear to say ur wrong or anything lol, I just believe that MOSTTT THE TIME, as much as something sucks, good can exist as well

 

[pelicanportal]

similar boat. it was easier to convincr myself that love was possible in my 20s. hitting mid-30s and its pretty much completely joever. when you have children, a spouse, a career, some kind of legacy then i think your 30s is a different, rewarding period. otherwise... call it an early mid-life crisis, but i dont know if calling it anything helps us. wish i had encouragement for you brother.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

My 30s were better than my 20s, but I was still a bit lost, floating around life. Found true love for the first time in my 40s, which made the 40s the best decade so far.

 

[decafcheeseburger]

I am 35 and I feel exactly the same way

 

[android]

No, what is terrible is how humans cause all this harm and suffering by imposing this existence at all, existence itself is the true problem to me and I'll always see existence as the most terrible mistake no matter what that only ever tortures existing beings with no limit as to how much agony one can feel.

For me ceasing to exist is the positive solution to find peace from the suffering, torture and cruelty of existing and for me every second is torture to be conscious, no matter what this existence should never be imposed, only non-existence is good to me, only in non-existence will I be at peace from the terrible, torturous and deeply undesirable burden of existing, I'll always see it as an abomination to exist.

Agreed. The best time to kill myself is right now. The second best time is tomorrow. I don't see the difference between 15, 20, 39
0. The earlier I killed myself the better, because then the bonds with parents would be weaker and Id have had less trouble to others in aggregate . Age is entirely arbitrary. If you really think that there is a world in which your life could turn around or have meaning, then you should not kill yourself . You are not ready for suicide with that attitude. You will end up being one of the people who fails or "regrets it"

 

[metfan647]

I'm going to have to say that a lot of good things can happen at any age even in more advanced years. My early thirties were a great time despite my MH issues. I used to live an extremely active life full of activities and fitness and I probably reached my athletic peak at that age. I ended up going back into education at that time and achieved grades I never thought possible. In hindsight, were these meaningful things? Perhaps not. They did mean a lot to me though and they kept my mind occupied.

Late thirties...entirely different story! Everything derailed.

 

[sadmummy32]

I'm about to turn 33 and I feel the same way. At this phase in my life, looking back and seeing how utterly meaningless everything was, and how I was the reason it all failed, and having no dreams or excitement left... Is crushing me.

I think the worst part is feeling like I've already done it all, and every temporary happiness was only a prelude to a period of suffering. I'm sick of the cycle. There's nothing left to climb for.

I ruined my life mostly by escaping bad feelings with alcohol and weed. Part of me wants to get it together just to survive into late adulthood, but I don't really care about anything now. I don't want expensive things, I don't want sex with women anymore, I don't want to see anything new. I've seen enough things, done enough things, met enough people... What could be better than being young and curious when everything is new? That part of life is gone. Everything feels so empty at that point.

I'm trying to find a reason to keep going, but it seems more reasonable to just get high and drunk every day when I have nothing to care about.

 

[Forever Sleep]

My best years to date were my 30's. It does very much depend on your situation I think. My childhood was mixed but, ideation began then. My 20's were spent working a retail job I loathed, while trying to get a freelance creative career off the ground. By my late twenties, it was obvious it wasn't working. So- I returned to uni and finally had more success in a different creative career when I left.

I think it's more to do with how much ambition you still have and how much fight/ money you have to try and pursue those dreams. So long as we have ambition and strength- I tend to think we can overcome the obstacle of aging. Without those things- really at any age, I think we're more in trouble.

I actually feel really sorry for the very young people here who both- have no ambition for anything and, no drive to motivate them. I feel more like that now- in my mid forties but, back then- I did at least have those things to push me along. It's easier to comply with life if you have at least some motivation.

 

[woofwag]

I feel like there's a few schools of thought to this. All of the outcomes of making your life "better" after 30 are going to be highly dependent on your situation. However even people in the worst situation possible can still improve and be satisfied with their life and glad they pushed through later on. It's a dice roll.

In terms of financial success, lowest poverty rates are around 45-50 because it's prime working years. If you invested money early too you're likely to have a lot more disposable income. People in their 20s and 30s are still very likely to remain in poverty if they came from that. It takes time. Keep in mind too that a very low percentage of people even escape from poverty at all. So it's not a huge leap to consider yourself doomed to never be able to crawl out of it even in your 20s. But money isn't everything ofc. And there's always that chance to get out of poverty regardless.

30s is still very young in perspective. I have heard plenty of people even in their 40s-50s say they were discovering themselves in their 30s and didn't have the capacity to understand their fulfillment or path to that yet. Plenty also don't ever get out of that hole. I don't think it's a whole lot different to consider yourself doomed in your 20s compared to 30s. Average life expectancy is ~70, so even at 30 you're still 40 years off from a permanent end. That's nearly 10 years more than the total amount of time you've lived so far. There is a huge amount of time for things to change. Major life changes can happen in just a year, not to mention 40. One of my previous therapists completely shifted the trajectory of her life at around 43, and was satisfied enough with that change that she dedicated herself to trying to help other people out of their bad situations too (and she did help me when I saw her).

End of the day, you don't need to prove that your life can be good forever. All you need is to prove it can be a little less painful than right now. Happiness isn't about this unattainable state of pure bliss; it's being able to feel more like yourself, like you can manage your life a little bit better, and have stretches where you aren't so immersed in misery. There are ways to find the conditions to change. I think if you truly believed you were totally doomed, you wouldn't be reflecting on the chance that it's possible you're not. I don't think you are.

I do genuinely believe there is always hope if someone wants to accept that possibility. No one can generate that hope for you, but I hope you know that even tiny changes can propel positive inertia. Just this line of questioning, of trying in a small way to challenge your pre-determined concept of your failure, is a step. And this isn't me trying to provide false hope. Just a perspective from the part of you who does question yourself. Maybe it's hypocritical considering my own concept of my doom, but we have different situations. As does everyone. For what it's worth, I believe in you. I truly mean that.

 

[Steph99]

I feel like there's a few schools of thought to this. All of the outcomes of making your life "better" after 30 are going to be highly dependent on your situation. However even people in the worst situation possible can still improve and be satisfied with their life and glad they pushed through later on. It's a dice roll.

In terms of financial success, lowest poverty rates are around 45-50 because it's prime working years. If you invested money early too you're likely to have a lot more disposable income. People in their 20s and 30s are still very likely to remain in poverty if they came from that. It takes time. Keep in mind too that a very low percentage of people even escape from poverty at all. So it's not a huge leap to consider yourself doomed to never be able to crawl out of it even in your 20s. But money isn't everything ofc. And there's always that chance to get out of poverty regardless.

30s is still very young in perspective. I have heard plenty of people even in their 40s-50s say they were discovering themselves in their 30s and didn't have the capacity to understand their fulfillment or path to that yet. Plenty also don't ever get out of that hole. I don't think it's a whole lot different to consider yourself doomed in your 20s compared to 30s. Average life expectancy is ~70, so even at 30 you're still 40 years off from a permanent end. That's nearly 10 years more than the total amount of time you've lived so far. There is a huge amount of time for things to change. Major life changes can happen in just a year, not to mention 40. One of my previous therapists completely shifted the trajectory of her life at around 43, and was satisfied enough with that change that she dedicated herself to trying to help other people out of their bad situations too (and she did help me when I saw her).

End of the day, you don't need to prove that your life can be good forever. All you need is to prove it can be a little less painful than right now. Happiness isn't about this unattainable state of pure bliss; it's being able to feel more like yourself, like you can manage your life a little bit better, and have stretches where you aren't so immersed in misery. There are ways to find the conditions to change. I think if you truly believed you were totally doomed, you wouldn't be reflecting on the chance that it's possible you're not. I don't think you are.

I do genuinely believe there is always hope if someone wants to accept that possibility. No one can generate that hope for you, but I hope you know that even tiny changes can propel positive inertia. Just this line of questioning, of trying in a small way to challenge your pre-determined concept of your failure, is a step. And this isn't me trying to provide false hope. Just a perspective from the part of you who does question yourself. Maybe it's hypocritical considering my own concept of my doom, but we have different situations. As does everyone. For what it's worth, I believe in you. I truly mean that.

Excellent post!

 

[StillLife]

I don't necessarily think it's too late for anyone to change their lives for the better, It's just, generally, it can feel like whatever rebound you can possbly make won't be as high as if you started 5,10,15 etc years ago.

It's a really easy trap to fall into and I've seen it happen to people like the older "isolated" folk miserably working menial jobs.

My real problem is if your CIRCUMSTANCE or ENVIRONMENT will still give you the opportunities to change for the better.
Ageism is brutal and I haven't found reliable methods to circumvent most if not all of the environments you'll encounter it.

People in general will have much less patience and faith in you because they believe you should have things figured out by now.

You'd think people would be more sympathetic towards genuinely trying to make a change but that hasn't been my experience...
Much harder if you're neurodivergent or have physical issues that only make things harder...

If you're a perpetual oddball or outsider, one of the only things I've found that actually offsets that is being exceptionally skilled, being an imitable asset.

 

[itsgone2]

You have your job, your traumas are deep inside you if you couldn't patch them, you life is pretty much set and your sole job is to keep on going and get small improvements.

I'm 52 but I agree in hindsight things went south after 30. At 40 somehow i became a monster. Too much to explain. But now the world isn't the same. Many share your opinion that life kinda seems pointless.
I think too much greed. Too much, everyone is the same. Everything just seems soulless and boring.
It's not why I'm here. But the world doesn't seem worth fighting to be in anymore

 

[singingcrow]

nothing scares me more than stepping into my 30s.

i'm in my late 20s now,
and people give me space,
because it's "the time to figure things out"

but what happens when I turn 30 and still have nothing figured out?
figuring things out takes effort… so much effort
and yet.. being asleep for eternity sounds far more peaceful for me.
no expectations
no judgement
no worry .

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

Natural death more likely