Venting what good is loving someone if you don’t respect them?

[MicahBell]

I'm lucky to have people who love me, but i don't feel lucky. No one loves me enough to respect me. not since i was a kid.

when my mom realised i wanted to kill myself the first thing she asked me was, "did you ever think of your family?". We never talked about my suicidal tendencies again. When i told my brother i felt like i had the bipolar disorder that runs in our family he told me "you're not a danger to yourself."

i am nothing they don't believe i am. when i first came out as a trans man i told them the name that finally felt right, but my family didn't like it. They chose another name for me, and i've never liked it, but i dont want to tell them who i am and get ignored again.

for so long whenever my mood changed rapidly, or when i suddenly hated the foods i have always loved, when i went years without making a friend and all of middle school without talking to anyone, no one has ever respected me enough to be concerned. I'm just difficult. I'm ungrateful. I'm incapable of loving people.

i don't self harm for attention. i dont want to die so that somebody will notice. but i wish someone respected me enough to care when they see the scars on my arms.

i don't want to be alone but i can't be with the only people i have.

 

[LXR515]

I feel the part about the self harm scars extremely well as I also have them on my arms and it's like you just want someone to care and reach out and it never does.
I understand what you mean about how love can feel meaningless without respect, and I agree. I don't really think you can love someone without the prerequisite of that respect so even if they "love" you it will feel hollow.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I don't know how to articulated what I want to say properly in this moment but in another way I completely understand I am not trans but I am a women who was raised as a JW and with a bi- polar mom who's attempted a few times and a ocd distant dad, and the constant narrative that she was selfish and she even says so herself about her attempts and how cruel she is for feeling how she was feeling,,, I remember the times my parents were constantly fighting, plates getting tossed around ya know, but I also was raised very strict and homeschooled the majority of childhood and teen years, my mom I was bullied into submission to stop dreaming I truly believe,, with everything I see,, I was the youngest of four older brothers,, all very macho!! And all about "being a man" and not being a "girl" if you know what I mean,, its destroying me, and I don't know how to talk about it,, I have never been respected, no, not truly, I assumed obviously I wouldn't Garner respect as a child because I was a child even though I didn't feel like I was,,I'm sorry for that that bull shit your family has put your through and you know they will have more to say in the future because,, can't escape family, I've never had real friends and the little little few I've had I've had for short periods and as that assumption goes I have none,, they never knew so much I wouldn't tell, couldn't tell, yet still knew more then anyone else,,and yea sh scares that don't do me any favors but what can I say I guess I do it to myself,,, I had many regulated friends as a child and through half my teens years when I had no choice but to surround myself with close minded JW's,, I don't mean to rant on your post but I get not be respected,, I am infinitively inferior, in any relationship Platonic or romantic there's no big difference it almost seems like, at least when it comes to the concept of "respect".
Respect plays into hate right,,, and hate and love are apparently one in the same.

 

[Dejected 55]

I don't feel like it is possible to love someone you don't respect. You could respect someone and not love them... but I feel like if you don't respect them, how could you love them?