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FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,785
Appearance, which has led to being ignored by everyone (friendlessness), or worse, people feeling entitled to prey on me. Two years ago, someone defrauded me of my life savings, about $275K. The police & attorney general refused to get involved, despite all the banking, professional accounting, and email & texting history evidence I had. Without the AG getting involved, I could only max out my credit cards to take the other party to court. They didn't even bother to show up. I won a default judgment, but that's worthless in the US unless the other person is rich and has a stable home/job. Anyway, that was everything I had off of which I might survive alone somewhere. Now even that's gone, I refuse to suffer BOTH social isolation (any further) and destitution. It's time.
 
W

WakingUpFrightened

Member
Jun 24, 2018
13
I have severe problems with social anxiety and being way too quiet, which has lead me to be a loner for most of my life. I'm quite unsure about my future, and I'm not really here because I want to kill myself right now, but to find like minded people.
 
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sadak_the_wanderer

sadak_the_wanderer

An appropriate painting
Mar 19, 2018
243
It isn't any one thing for me; I think I could have persevered through a singular obstacle.

I am lonely and sad most of the time, even in my dreams. This is largely but not entirely due to my appearance. I am in physical pain about ... a third of the time. My illness will only get worse, not better. I also do not foresee a future wherein I have more companionship or joy than is currently my lot. On the off chance that I would grow old, I would have nobody to care for me, even to visit. When I try to come up with a reasonable best-case scenario (no winning the lottery or obtaining Love Potion No. 9) for ten or fifteen years from now, it's pretty pathetic and miserable. I can't see anyone saying "Wow, sounds great, sign me up for that!" Realistically, my future is grubby, unappealing, and slightly tragic in ways that are not interesting. It isn't something anyone would want to share with me.

I just don't have anything to offer the world that would make anyone care about me in a meaningful way.

Honestly, if my teenage self could view what has become of me, I'm quite sure that I would have ended things on a much more advanced schedule.
 
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S

ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
I suffer from depression and anxiety. I'm facing losing my disability payments and I have panic attacks even thinking about getting interviewed for a job. I feel anxiety just being out of the apartment. There is no way I can survive in the real world, despite having a college degree in mathematics. I forgot all my skills due to depression. I face losing my apartment. The only thing that would stop me from killing myself would be to win the lottery, and I don't even play the lottery.

So, I got a gun and some bullets. Just because I can't handle the real world. I envy people who can... it hurts how much I envy them. I've already canceled some of my memberships and subscriptions. I'm getting ready.
 
Threads

Threads

Warlock
Jul 13, 2018
721
I was sexually abused by my mother from 4 - 11.
My earliest memory is eating feces from my diaper because I was starving.
I'm incapable of emotionally connecting with others.
My teenage years were spent in different hospitals, doctors offices, and clinics because I was a victim of my mothers munchausen by proxy. I was denied two absolutely necessary surgeries in my teenage years, which eventually lead to my development of cancer, liver disease, and 4 incision hernias.
My mother me declared 'disabled' and took control of my finances and was my guardian/power of attorney from the age of 18 - 23.
My mother was a cancerous psychopathic narcissist that threw me in and out of psych wards in my later teen years as a form of punishment.
My mother had me diagnosed bipolar (I'm not) and I was forced to become a walking pharmacy.
My brother is a convicted rapist, who I turned in, which resulted in permanent disownment from my step-father and his family.
My step-father regularly beat me in his alcoholic rages when I was 4 - 8. He quit drinking when I was 11. He emotionally abused me for the rest of the time I lived with him.
I was severely malnourished and underweight throughout middle and high school.
My mother destroyed my social life, often by making sexual passes at friend's fathers.
I was kicked out of the private school I attended when I was Junior, forced into an alternative school, and had zero friends for the rest of high school.
My step-father was a hoarder, and nothing was ever thrown out of our houses. This lead to pest problems.
I slept without a bed for a number of years (2009 - 2012), while my step-brother and sister were provided for.

There's more. I'm looking forward to the end of this god damn prison sentence.
 
peacepursuit23

peacepursuit23

Any day now
Jan 14, 2024
11
Old thread, I know.

But I find it hard to keep moving seeing how it doesnt get any fucking better. Like nothing is gonna improve, not the frustration when you have to get up early, feeling like a zombie during the week and desperately longing for the weekend, not seeing your friends - cause surprise, you'll see them once every two months if you're lucky! Every Up always followed by a greater down. Getting married just to realize you'll end up just like your parents... Oh and forget to mention: The life you've been living when you were younger? Yeah that was on easy mode - get ready for reallife, where the shitty existence that is brought upon everyone gets even worse.
 
TheSpookyNameGuy

TheSpookyNameGuy

There's nothing here..
Apr 30, 2023
650
Humans.

Every problem i have experienced in life has come solely from the interference of other humans.

They way they wont let me live the way i desire has led me to the conclusion that for me all humans i come across are obstacles and potential enemies.

I morally see it as a necessity for me to harm others in some way before i die.
 
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Raven_Nevermore

Raven_Nevermore

Member
Feb 18, 2024
51
Me, myself and I are the cause of my misery. I'm always consumed with all this shame and guilt.
 
H

hadenough58

Member
Mar 7, 2024
86
A life of bad decisions has left me always looking for a reason to carry on but those reasons seem harder to find every day.
Surely when living is harder than the effort required to carry on it is time to say goodbye.
 
Sageiois

Sageiois

Member
Apr 6, 2024
50
My own actions, which is why i dont seek sympathy or anything. I want people to listen to my story
 
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glitteryaliens

glitteryaliens

Member
Mar 19, 2024
7
Myself. I've completely fucked up my life and now I'm reaping what I sow.
 
kunikuzushi

kunikuzushi

sause
Jan 24, 2023
156
personality disorders that make it nearly impossible and very painful to have relationships of any kind
 
iwishiwasblank

iwishiwasblank

New Member
Apr 8, 2024
1
had to carry the one i love dead. his body was so cold. i wish i could be with him on his grave.
 
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