Thanks. He probably would've survived if he'd had a certain operation (which I probably could've talked him into although I was like 15 at the time) so there is a lot of guilt for that reason. He did not have a great Dr who you could really ask things to either, another Dr and who knows. So many what ifs could've changed the course of his and my life.
I had such a good family and I feel guilty cos I know I was lucky and others on here didn't get that but watching them suffer and die makes it all the more harder when you were close. I just wanna forget all the bad stuff they have all gone through cos it's too tragic.
that's really rough, especially since you've experienced this since you were so young. if it gives you any comfort, i've had to sit and watch through my family's problems too. when the memories come back, it's almost too painful to remember. life has its ups and downs, but sometimes it feels like the highest of the highest moments never last as long as the lowest of lowest.
Fuck, that's hard. I somehow got fortunate with a loving mother so I can't imagine.
For me there's been too many to count and I'm too traumatized to speak about it anymore. My life has been so bad. I honestly underestimate it most of the time. I have the type of stories that are better left unsaid.
you saying it's painful to speak about says more then you explaining all the stories. i have nothing better to say then i'm sorry. humans deal with a lot of shit through their life, some more then others. and then you're left with your coping mechanisms to deal with it. if you have some healthy ones, you'll get through it in one piece, but not everyone has those. we unfortunately destroy ourselves before more catastrophy can hit us so that nothing can hurt us more then we've already hurt ourselves.
The day before my nana died (the last time I saw her) she wanted us to stay but we didn't because my sister didn't want to pay for hospital parking. I feel guilty every single time I think about it, it's been over 10 years now and I still feel guilty about it.
Theres also the 2 times my ex SA'd me i still have flash backs and panic attacks after 6 years.
you not being able to stay with your nana is not your fault as far as i know, because your sister didn't want to pay for parking. either way, you couldn't have seen that coming. humans are often in denial about a situation and downplay it until it's too late to do something. it's not your fault, i'm sorry you feel guilty for that.
sexual assault is tragic. i'm sorry once again, i have nothing better to say. putting your trust in a person can backfire really bad
My earliest memory in life is from when I was 5. During a soccer game I could only stand aside bewildered and overwhelmed watching as my peers all piled up on top of each other trying to kick the ball. The teacher was telling me to get in there, but I had no idea how I could fit into the equation.
It's the perfect description of my entire life. I've watched my peers all grow up still fighting furiously over that ball while I remain that 5-year-old boy just staring confused.
the chaos of life is hard to understand when you're watching at the sideline. same goes for work life. if you're consumed by it, you're in the midst of the fight. but when you stand still and look at what everyone doing, you're left confused as to why we do it. we're a creature of habit i guess.
