Discussion What dose it feel like to lose someone to CTB

[razorblade]

Am just interested in how someone's suicide can affect people around them like family and friends

Personally I haven't lost some1 to suicide I've had friends who have attempted but nothing major am mainly wondering just because I wanna know what ppl will think if I end up CTB

 

[AnonymousL]

I lost my best friend to CTB

He told me he wanted to do it and he admitted himself to the hospital. 5 days later he was back home. We were supposed to meet up but I canceled.

I was busy and hadn't checked on him.
5 days later I saw the post that changed my life forever.

His sister posted pictures of him saying he was ready to go but she wasn't ready for that.

He crashed into a tree on purpose. The car caught fire but 'luckily' he died by the crash so he didn't burn alive.

I collapsed on the floor. I couldn't speak. My (ex) boyfriend shocked, asked me what was wrong.

I was shaking.. opened my phone and just handed it to him.

He had to pick me up from the floor.

I cried and cried and cried.

He didn't leave a note.

I am so extremely mad at myself for canceling. It's been 3 years and the guilt is still eating me alive. I don't think it will ever stop.

Could I have saved him? What would have happend if I didn't cancel? What would have happend if I checked up on him? If i wasn't so selfish to not think about my best friend that was clearly screaming for help?

I feel like I could have stopped him and I didn't. And now I have to live with that feeling until the day I die.

I still have dreams about him being alive.
They're the worst. Cause when I wake up, reality hits me in the face everytime.

So many questions are unanswered and i will never get an answer on them.

If you decide to CTB please leave a note for your loved ones and don't spit poison towards people you hate , even though they did you wrong.

This might not have been the short answer you wanted on this question but this is my story.

The guilt will stay, all your loved ones will question what they could have done to save you and will feel that they didn't do enough even when they couldn't have done anything more or differently to stop you, they will feel like they could.

That's it. That's what it does to them.. or at least what it did to me.

 

[lycheeginger]

It's shocking and unnerving. My cousin hung himself in July 2021, a few days before he turned 18. His parents were severely neglectful and had left him again when they went out of state, so he asked my aunt if he could come live with her. She said no, he did it the next day. She bawls every time his name is mentioned. A few weeks ago she approached me at a reunion and begged me not to CTB, told me about what she deals with every day and how I'd pass it on to my father.
I have another cousin that used a firearm, and her father did the same in 2021 as well. It was my aunt's son. I don't know how she lives with her grief.

 

[ManByTheRiver]

I lost a kid I knew who was looking up to me to suicide. I felt guilty for not having been there enough and steered him towards a better path. He was wallowing in his father's death, and got into drugs. He ODd. It broke me for a while, and I still think about him often.

 

[mob]

I met this girl in the psych ward when I was 14 - she was 16, she had bright blue hair and we shared the same birthday, even.

We got along really well; however, after a while the contact just faded. Only about two years later I found her best friend on social media, who had coincidentally also been a patient at the same time as me, and we texted a little.
I was thinking of texting the other girl, ask for her social media, but decided against it. A day later I found out she took her life the night prior. It wasn't surprising, not at all - she'd been horribly depressed for years and even lost her mother. It wasn't surprising, but it was insanely painful. We hadn't talked for two whole years, at some point I'd even forgotten about her, but upon hearing the news I cried for multiple hours for days. I'd never dealt with loss before, and it was confusing for me how those emotions came just like that. I was told there's nothing I could've done; and I know that's true, but I wish I could've just talked to her one last time. It's been three years and I'm still not completely over it.