StarDust
Mage
- Aug 21, 2018
- 508
While not untrue but: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Im on a psych ward so everyday is the same.
Woken up by someone trying to escape or kicking off so alarms are going off
Eat
Sleep
Smoke
Phone
Watch someone kicking off more alarms
Eat
Sleep
Smoke
Phone
More alarms
Eat
No sleep as they keep coming in on 5 minute observations just to check im not dead
Smoke
Phone
Countless alarms
And so on
Woken up by someone trying to escape or kicking off so alarms are going off
Eat
Sleep
Smoke
Phone
Watch someone kicking off more alarms
Eat
Sleep
Smoke
Phone
More alarms
Eat
No sleep as they keep coming in on 5 minute observations just to check im not dead
Smoke
Phone
Countless alarms
And so on
Work then games and talking to people. I sleep around 2 hours most nights. 5 if I'm lucky v.v
blood orange
Member
- Sep 14, 2018
- 81
Stopped going to work.
Some days I sit in bed from 10AM to 12AM. Feed cat at absurd time.
Sometimes eat.
If I 'sleep' I wake myself up due to heart palpitations, which occur every hour. Sometimes with nightmares.
Or stay up forever, feed cat during ungodly hours of morning.
Some days I sit in bed from 10AM to 12AM. Feed cat at absurd time.
Sometimes eat.
If I 'sleep' I wake myself up due to heart palpitations, which occur every hour. Sometimes with nightmares.
Or stay up forever, feed cat during ungodly hours of morning.
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
Get up, wish I hadn't, put music on, smoke weed, mope about, beat myself up for not doing something fourteen years ago and imagine how my life could have been then go back to bed. Seriously I need it to be over
Midnight
Beyond solace
- Jun 30, 2018
- 624
Wake up just in time (10-15mins later i'm at work)
Work (8-10hrs)
Visit mom, sometimes do chores there
Go home
Eat
Bath
Drive arround and piss away my money doing stupid things.
Sleep the few remaining hours.
Repeat
Weekends are exactly the same but without the work part and sleeping till noon. And add a bit of cleaning the fucking house... I've given up on all my passions as of late.
Work (8-10hrs)
Visit mom, sometimes do chores there
Go home
Eat
Bath
Drive arround and piss away my money doing stupid things.
Sleep the few remaining hours.
Repeat
Weekends are exactly the same but without the work part and sleeping till noon. And add a bit of cleaning the fucking house... I've given up on all my passions as of late.
Last edited:
windingdown
Specialist
- Sep 10, 2018
- 367
Wake up at 9am.
Do nothing interesting all day - little things here and there. Bathe, SS, work on my blog, read about suicide topics, eat, sell something on eBay, clean the kitchen, go to the grocery store on occasion, walk daily, little exercises so I don't fall to pieces, watch 1/4 of a movie (I don't want to watch the whole thing in case I can't find another I like and don't have one to 'look forward to')
I've started bingeing/purging to fill up time (it's fine, I don't mind)
Go to sleep 10-11pm.
I clock watch a lot. How many hours till my next meal? (does anyone else find it absurd in life to have to wait hours until you can reasonably have, like, a smoothie? how rewarding.) And the big daily question - how many hours till I can go to sleep?
I am happy I've set a date now, as all that tortuous clock-watching during the day only gets me the reward of... another day! I win the prize.
Get me out of this Groundhog Day.
Do nothing interesting all day - little things here and there. Bathe, SS, work on my blog, read about suicide topics, eat, sell something on eBay, clean the kitchen, go to the grocery store on occasion, walk daily, little exercises so I don't fall to pieces, watch 1/4 of a movie (I don't want to watch the whole thing in case I can't find another I like and don't have one to 'look forward to')
I've started bingeing/purging to fill up time (it's fine, I don't mind)
Go to sleep 10-11pm.
I clock watch a lot. How many hours till my next meal? (does anyone else find it absurd in life to have to wait hours until you can reasonably have, like, a smoothie? how rewarding.) And the big daily question - how many hours till I can go to sleep?
I am happy I've set a date now, as all that tortuous clock-watching during the day only gets me the reward of... another day! I win the prize.
Get me out of this Groundhog Day.
Last edited:
Going Home
Specialist
- Sep 21, 2018
- 357
Shower, work, come home relax, eat, dream about beating the shit out of this group of low life's that stalking me but I can't prove it.
On days I don't work I day dream about getting rid of these ugly low life's one by one.
On days I don't work I day dream about getting rid of these ugly low life's one by one.
HeartbreakInStereo
Restless
- Jun 14, 2018
- 31
wake up at 7:15 am
eat, go to school from 8:20 am to 2:20 pm
go home
eat and play videogames, browse SS, reddit, Twitter and youtube
do mindless activities to avoid studying unless I have homework, then I do it
if i'm lucky i'll get high or drunk with a friend and then go to sleep
eat, go to school from 8:20 am to 2:20 pm
go home
eat and play videogames, browse SS, reddit, Twitter and youtube
do mindless activities to avoid studying unless I have homework, then I do it
if i'm lucky i'll get high or drunk with a friend and then go to sleep
-Coffee so I can be alert and awake to experience existential dread well
-Work (masking that I'm on the verge of a breakdown while working)
if I'm feeling real bad I go to the bathroom at work and break down crying and act like nothing happened
-come home, eat then go and feed and play with my cat who passed away a few days ago
- random YouTube videos trying to distract myself or just staring at a wall listening to music
- sometimes I fantasize about the person I could have been, the life I could have had, pathetic. I know.
- cry
- Sleep
And repeat
-Work (masking that I'm on the verge of a breakdown while working)
if I'm feeling real bad I go to the bathroom at work and break down crying and act like nothing happened
-come home, eat then go and feed and play with my cat who passed away a few days ago
- random YouTube videos trying to distract myself or just staring at a wall listening to music
- sometimes I fantasize about the person I could have been, the life I could have had, pathetic. I know.
- cry
- Sleep
And repeat
Last edited:
NumbItAll
expendable
- May 20, 2018
- 1,101
hiding in a bedroom
TheCrow
Invisible Spirit
- Sep 26, 2018
- 802
TheCrow
Invisible Spirit
- Sep 26, 2018
- 802
Same about the fantasizing. I wish I could go back and do it all over again and be the daughter that my mom deserves.
TheCrow
Invisible Spirit
- Sep 26, 2018
- 802
I am sorry for the loss of your husband and child. Those are difficult wounds to bear. Sending you love :)
Angst Filled Fuck Up
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2018
- 2,982
Get up anywhere from 8-11, smoke, take my pills, feed cat, do stock trading from my phone, eat, watch YouTube, fap, watch TV, go to sleep. Occasionally I go bowling, go to the store, or go to a restaurant. But that's literally it. I am sick though and always very tired so I try not to beat myself up about things.
Looks like shit
I have been mostly bedridden for 3 years and entirely housebound except for Dr appts that ended 18 months ago. I can't even watch TV or read due to pain or figure out how to in a completely laying position with eyeglasses, so I do nothing but lay in bed. I try to sit for as long as I can in the day, which might only be a few minutes, and I go on the computer if my husband isn't working (b/c the only one I can sit at is his). Then I watch short Youtube videos because it is the only thing I can find to watch in those few minutes. Now I am posting here in those few minutes, which is nice because it is sort of like talking to people, which I have not been able to do for 3 yrs other than my husband and mom if she visits my family once a month (and the Drs) since I can't leave my home. And my mom and husband avoid me mostly because of the pain issues, so "talk" with them might just be my husband telling me he is going to a store before he leaves.
I try to eat, but have been having trouble with that and can't remember the last time I ate a proper meal, probably 18 mo ago. So I randomly take a bite of food or a tiny sip of liquid as much as I can to maintain weight, b/c this last month I am literally starving to death and need to keep weight up.
I try to walk around the house as much as possible to keep muscle from atrophying. I smoke and need to go from upstairs bedroom to my (attached) garage, so that helps. The smoking actually might have saved me because I later learned that entirely bedridden people get a list of about 100 serious problems from laying in bed 24/7, and no matter what, I would get up to smoke, even if it took me 2 hrs to get downstairs, so that saved me from those issues, which is lucky happenstance and so ironic.
And I will be totally honest here, that is it. I haven't even bathed for the last 5 months due to pain. I used to try every month or two when I had better pain meds, but they are gone now, and I just can't find a way because it takes me 7 hrs due to skin issues acquired from not bathing for long periods. I am working out how because I really need to at this point. But I do wipe my face with a wet paper towel daily. I do try to brush and floss daily even if I have to skip it and do it after I sleep. I have a tooth abscess for the last 10 mo that I can't have fixed b/c I could not sit in the dental chair and now can't get to the appt even if I wanted to b/c I have no adequate pain meds left to take the 10-15 min car ride.
So that is my day. I used to do my PT but gave up after 18 months b/c it didn't work and I ran out of the better pain meds.
Oh, and I don't have a day, per se, and just wake and sleep when I can, so my schedule revolves, and I can miss entire days from sleeping up to 22 hrs or be up for almost 72 hrs straight from pain. So it depends.
I try to eat, but have been having trouble with that and can't remember the last time I ate a proper meal, probably 18 mo ago. So I randomly take a bite of food or a tiny sip of liquid as much as I can to maintain weight, b/c this last month I am literally starving to death and need to keep weight up.
I try to walk around the house as much as possible to keep muscle from atrophying. I smoke and need to go from upstairs bedroom to my (attached) garage, so that helps. The smoking actually might have saved me because I later learned that entirely bedridden people get a list of about 100 serious problems from laying in bed 24/7, and no matter what, I would get up to smoke, even if it took me 2 hrs to get downstairs, so that saved me from those issues, which is lucky happenstance and so ironic.
And I will be totally honest here, that is it. I haven't even bathed for the last 5 months due to pain. I used to try every month or two when I had better pain meds, but they are gone now, and I just can't find a way because it takes me 7 hrs due to skin issues acquired from not bathing for long periods. I am working out how because I really need to at this point. But I do wipe my face with a wet paper towel daily. I do try to brush and floss daily even if I have to skip it and do it after I sleep. I have a tooth abscess for the last 10 mo that I can't have fixed b/c I could not sit in the dental chair and now can't get to the appt even if I wanted to b/c I have no adequate pain meds left to take the 10-15 min car ride.
So that is my day. I used to do my PT but gave up after 18 months b/c it didn't work and I ran out of the better pain meds.
Oh, and I don't have a day, per se, and just wake and sleep when I can, so my schedule revolves, and I can miss entire days from sleeping up to 22 hrs or be up for almost 72 hrs straight from pain. So it depends.
It's too embarrassing to discuss. It's pretty lame though.
Cee
cute girl
- Sep 22, 2018
- 81
6am- wake up and get ready
6:30-1pm- high school
1pm-11pm- sleep. netflix. play with my cats. check social media.
Repeat again and again
sometimes ill work a shift after school. they vary from 7 hour shifts to 4 hours, both make me want to die :)
6:30-1pm- high school
1pm-11pm- sleep. netflix. play with my cats. check social media.
Repeat again and again
sometimes ill work a shift after school. they vary from 7 hour shifts to 4 hours, both make me want to die :)
Thank you for asking. I don't mind saying. It's sort of long b/c it was a huge series of f-ups.
I tore 3 intercostal (rib) muscles at the start of a pregnancy from a flu I had 3 months because the baby dropped my immunity, which never healed from baby stretching them out. Then baby moved my pelvis so I needed a cane and wheelchair for last few months of the pregnancy and after birth due to searing pain down my thigh that felt like acid being poured on me. Drs misdiagnosed this as baby on nerve. Because they starved my perfectly healthy, 9/9 on apgar scale baby to wait to glucose test him, and nearly killed him, they then overdosed him, gave him a hematoma, and damaged his lungs and needed to send him out to another hospital, I was becoming Dr-wary. (And I have had major trouble with Drs in the past, including one damaging my eyes in an eye dilation.) I had just given birth and ran myself into the ground (I was anemic from blood loss in labor) trying to go to the other hospital 2-hrs away to see him all day and night. I developed all sorts of smaller things like retaining 12 lbs water in legs, etc... and was literally almost killing myself by pumping round the clock to try to get him milk. Nurses were telling me I'd die if I did not go home.
After he came home, I had lots of pain still and very weird stuff like a bladder that was spasming. I was convinced to go to Emergency Care in case it was an infection, and they kept screwing up the tests so I needed to go 3 times. I went on the anti-b's anyway, and it turned out it was not an infection. These Drs were really pissing me off (and had given me a very hard time while pregnant b/c I am considered "old," so they ran countless tests (NST), even making me come in at 10pm, though my baby was passing each test with flying colors, and then they tricked me into an induction at one of these tests). So because I was trying to protect my son from getting sick (and it was cold/flu season and everyone in those clinics was sick when I was there for my bladder stuff) and having to be mandatorily sent back to NICU, I did not press the pain issues I was having that caused me not to be able to walk.
Four months after giving birth, I was figuring out that my pelvis was all crooked in my body. The baby seemed to have rotated it. While I was laying on the floor with my legs straight examining this, I threw my spine and pelvis out. They moved in my body and conformed to the position I was in, which was not fit for a human body. This pain was horrific, and I went to a chiropractor. He put the spine more straight again (it was angled now) but could not fix the pelvis. After each appt with him for a total of 6 in a month, my body was like some sci-fi thing where it was readjusting every muscle in every which way constantly, like it was trying to find some place to put them but could not find a place. This was also very painful.
My mom thought I should see a masseuse. I resisted for a month. Finally, I went to one. I told him what was happening. He did some Thai-like massage. By now, I was so used to people causing me pain that I did not realize he was using too much force and hurting me. After I came home, all the joints in my body started to fall apart within hours. He had torn ligaments and tendons all over the place and bones started to just move around. He also damaged the facia of all the muscles.
Then I went to PT and she gave me the standard exercises everyone (including my mom) gets for low back pain. It was useless, so I found 2 books on spine/pelvis PT that had better PT exercises and did those for a year to try to move the spine and pelvis back so I could at least sit in a chair.
So that is where I am at. A moved spine and pelvis that is somewhat more fit for a human body but not really, and torn ligaments in 2 shoulders, the spine, sacrum, 2 SI joints, front of both sides of pelvis, knee, Achille's tendon, wrist, spleen, and 3 torn rib muscles.
I have been struggling to eat since I gave birth (and was only 104 lbs to begin with at 5' 4 1/2" but used to be fit and walked 5 miles a day so it was muscle, now it is likely just fat) due to pain and then the fact I can't make myself food anymore, and recently I am losing so much weight I am starving and within 15 lbs of starving to death for real. So that is making it worse.
I tore 3 intercostal (rib) muscles at the start of a pregnancy from a flu I had 3 months because the baby dropped my immunity, which never healed from baby stretching them out. Then baby moved my pelvis so I needed a cane and wheelchair for last few months of the pregnancy and after birth due to searing pain down my thigh that felt like acid being poured on me. Drs misdiagnosed this as baby on nerve. Because they starved my perfectly healthy, 9/9 on apgar scale baby to wait to glucose test him, and nearly killed him, they then overdosed him, gave him a hematoma, and damaged his lungs and needed to send him out to another hospital, I was becoming Dr-wary. (And I have had major trouble with Drs in the past, including one damaging my eyes in an eye dilation.) I had just given birth and ran myself into the ground (I was anemic from blood loss in labor) trying to go to the other hospital 2-hrs away to see him all day and night. I developed all sorts of smaller things like retaining 12 lbs water in legs, etc... and was literally almost killing myself by pumping round the clock to try to get him milk. Nurses were telling me I'd die if I did not go home.
After he came home, I had lots of pain still and very weird stuff like a bladder that was spasming. I was convinced to go to Emergency Care in case it was an infection, and they kept screwing up the tests so I needed to go 3 times. I went on the anti-b's anyway, and it turned out it was not an infection. These Drs were really pissing me off (and had given me a very hard time while pregnant b/c I am considered "old," so they ran countless tests (NST), even making me come in at 10pm, though my baby was passing each test with flying colors, and then they tricked me into an induction at one of these tests). So because I was trying to protect my son from getting sick (and it was cold/flu season and everyone in those clinics was sick when I was there for my bladder stuff) and having to be mandatorily sent back to NICU, I did not press the pain issues I was having that caused me not to be able to walk.
Four months after giving birth, I was figuring out that my pelvis was all crooked in my body. The baby seemed to have rotated it. While I was laying on the floor with my legs straight examining this, I threw my spine and pelvis out. They moved in my body and conformed to the position I was in, which was not fit for a human body. This pain was horrific, and I went to a chiropractor. He put the spine more straight again (it was angled now) but could not fix the pelvis. After each appt with him for a total of 6 in a month, my body was like some sci-fi thing where it was readjusting every muscle in every which way constantly, like it was trying to find some place to put them but could not find a place. This was also very painful.
My mom thought I should see a masseuse. I resisted for a month. Finally, I went to one. I told him what was happening. He did some Thai-like massage. By now, I was so used to people causing me pain that I did not realize he was using too much force and hurting me. After I came home, all the joints in my body started to fall apart within hours. He had torn ligaments and tendons all over the place and bones started to just move around. He also damaged the facia of all the muscles.
Then I went to PT and she gave me the standard exercises everyone (including my mom) gets for low back pain. It was useless, so I found 2 books on spine/pelvis PT that had better PT exercises and did those for a year to try to move the spine and pelvis back so I could at least sit in a chair.
So that is where I am at. A moved spine and pelvis that is somewhat more fit for a human body but not really, and torn ligaments in 2 shoulders, the spine, sacrum, 2 SI joints, front of both sides of pelvis, knee, Achille's tendon, wrist, spleen, and 3 torn rib muscles.
I have been struggling to eat since I gave birth (and was only 104 lbs to begin with at 5' 4 1/2" but used to be fit and walked 5 miles a day so it was muscle, now it is likely just fat) due to pain and then the fact I can't make myself food anymore, and recently I am losing so much weight I am starving and within 15 lbs of starving to death for real. So that is making it worse.
Last edited:
starcrossedfate
Passenger
- Sep 24, 2018
- 240
whoops. I replied to you but not with the reply button. Sorry, I am learning how to use a message board--haha. So scroll up in thread for my reply.
BaconCheeseburger
Comfort-eating
- Aug 4, 2018
- 693
Days in work:
Wake up at 6am
Get to work for about 8am
Pray that time will go quickly until 5pm
Get home
Eat
Piss about on the internet
Sleep
Days off work:
Sleep in until about 11am
Eat some food
Go back to sleep
Wake up
Have dinner
Piss about on the internet
Try to go back to sleep but struggle because of all the sleep I've already had
Fall asleep after midnight
Wake up at 6am
Get to work for about 8am
Pray that time will go quickly until 5pm
Get home
Eat
Piss about on the internet
Sleep
Days off work:
Sleep in until about 11am
Eat some food
Go back to sleep
Wake up
Have dinner
Piss about on the internet
Try to go back to sleep but struggle because of all the sleep I've already had
Fall asleep after midnight
P1nkamena
Not Talking is what's going to kill me.
- Oct 24, 2018
- 6
1st. Get out of bed whether ive slept or not. 2nd. Get dressed
3rd.walk to work, im a dishwasher
4th. Go home, play xbox, shower.
5th. Stay up till 3 am or dont sleep at all.
6th repeat.
3rd.walk to work, im a dishwasher
4th. Go home, play xbox, shower.
5th. Stay up till 3 am or dont sleep at all.
6th repeat.
My typical night you mean, right? I sleep most of the day, and the little of the day I am awake, it doesn't even seem like day since I have dark curtains all over the place. Anyways, I mostly work on my project, watch the same stuff I have been watching for years because I am that boring, drink coffee, sleep, play games for like 10 minutes in a day and... Yeah, that is about it.
lost illusions
bye
- Sep 12, 2018
- 548
Work
Sleep
Work
Shower
Eat
Work
Shower
Sleep
Work eat
Shower
Ss
Work
Sleep
Work
Shower
Eat
Work
Shower
Sleep
Work eat
Shower
Ss
Work
Gainax
Experienced
- Oct 8, 2018
- 265
I plan my days with the help of kanbanflow
in the morning
breakfast at cafe
pass by my favourite bridge
gym
Afternoon
watch movies, anime, music
From evening until bedtime
self-loathing
annoy people here with pro-life remarks
counting the days to ctb
that's it basically
in the morning
breakfast at cafe
pass by my favourite bridge
gym
Afternoon
watch movies, anime, music
From evening until bedtime
self-loathing
annoy people here with pro-life remarks
counting the days to ctb
that's it basically
0300ish - wake, try to go back to sleep
0800 - take meds, let my dog out
0900 - go to work without food due to nausea/vomiting
1200 - go home and walk dog, sometimes I eat
1300 - go back to work
1800 - go home and walk my dog
Maybe eat, spend hours on the couch, SS, maybe a youtube video, iFunny, maybe walk my dog a couple more times, or just lie in bed, trying to ignore imaginary music/intrusive thoughts/paranoia/delusions/magnified sounds(Schizophrenia). Also trying to plan how to CTB with least impact to people I know.
Midnight, take sleeping pills, probably best part of my day
0800 - take meds, let my dog out
0900 - go to work without food due to nausea/vomiting
1200 - go home and walk dog, sometimes I eat
1300 - go back to work
1800 - go home and walk my dog
Maybe eat, spend hours on the couch, SS, maybe a youtube video, iFunny, maybe walk my dog a couple more times, or just lie in bed, trying to ignore imaginary music/intrusive thoughts/paranoia/delusions/magnified sounds(Schizophrenia). Also trying to plan how to CTB with least impact to people I know.
Midnight, take sleeping pills, probably best part of my day
cu1len
:]
- Jan 3, 2019
- 86
Wake up at 6 am
Get ready
Go to school at 7:20
Pretend to be happy and laugh and stuff from 8:10-3:20
Go to any extra-curricular that my parents have forced me into from 3:30-4:30
Go home
Eat
Lay in bed on this website while listening to music
Cut
Eat
Shower
Read
Come back to this website
Go to bed at 2-3 am
Get ready
Go to school at 7:20
Pretend to be happy and laugh and stuff from 8:10-3:20
Go to any extra-curricular that my parents have forced me into from 3:30-4:30
Go home
Eat
Lay in bed on this website while listening to music
Cut
Eat
Shower
Read
Come back to this website
Go to bed at 2-3 am
