I live with my immediate family as I'm living with both of my parents and my younger brother. Unfortunately I'd say that they're the main reason as to why I'm alive. Not because I care about the impact that my death would cause to them (because I'm hurting too much to care about that plus death is inevitable anyway meaning grief is inevitable) but because I can't order SN or do most suicide methods due to my parents being overprotective. The only way I can see myself getting a ctb attempt is by getting my parents to disown me and then drowning in a random river/lake and hoping that no pro lifers will "save" me. I can't run away at night either and it'd have to be via getting disowned as my mum is an incredibly light sleeper and would hear me trying to escape at night so she'd immediately call the police to find me.
If it wasn't for that, I honestly would have ordered SN, tried to get all of the other drugs related to it and attempted to kill myself already. I've endured so much mental pain to where I'm not scared of vomiting or a quicker heart rate. However, I am scared as shit to be homeless and jump into a random river