My ideal friend is a friend where my desire doesn't feel unequal, where their intensity matches with my own, where I don't need to doubt about their/my worth. I'd want to feel that I have to share them the important details of my life and to want to hear theirs too. Conversations with them would often last for hours or whole afternoons. Each topic being a novelty or a heated discussion. No topic is taboo, and even when there's some hesitation to say something, it'll always be met with considerable understanding. My ideal seems to be characterized by this surprising amount of mutual understanding and frenzy with each other.
The ideal "one" doesn't only seem to be a certain person with a certain mixture of traits or behaviors. I'd say it's the presumption of having found someone special that then deems the person as the ideal. My own perception of them becomes a factor and very often does it view others with disdain. The only reason I was able to experience and describe my ideal was because I was young. My discernment of people have developed now, and no one seems to be special to me anymore. I've come to accept that I'd likely never meet another special person, considering who I am now: a social recluse.
Practically, I can achieve my ideal by focusing on myself instead. Being with oneself, being this ideal friend to oneself, can be a substitute to a deep friendship.
The ability to have extensive, long-lasting conversations about anything and everything is a really good descriptor to have included. You phrased it better than I likely would've.
I relate to the idea that getting older and more discerning makes people appear less and less special or notable. I myself can't remember the last time that I met someone who I thought was truly a standout.
It makes obvious sense, though. The first time you go skydiving is always going to be a more intense experience than the hundredth. It's not that skydiving itself has changed in quality… you just already know what it entails. "Special" is always relative to our current position in life.
The only part of your post that I don't relate to is the conclusion. In my experience, being an ideal friend to oneself is a
prerequisite to, rather than a
substitute for, truly deep and meaningful adult friendships. But whether or not that is also true for you is not something I can comment on.
Aside from the common basic good qualities anyone would list, someone that is capable of thinking against whatever the current mainstream allowed views are, and can at least detect the low quality propaganda most normal people fall for all the time (I'm a member of a few minority groups that are often used as moral panics by the media, so this would be important specially because otherwise I can't trust them to not hate me someday if a moral panic about me gets very widespread).
I'd also like them to be someone I can have long interesting conversations with about a bunch of topics in my interest, and someone that will trust me to comfort them when they are sad and in turn comfort me when I'm sad.
I already had some friends like these in the past but only online, it's harder to find people like that irl and trust them enough to get as close as I like
"Ability to detect low-quality propaganda" would have never been on my immediate list of necessary qualities for a close friend, but now that you've pointed it out I couldn't agree more, haha. I know EXACTLY what you mean.
I also feel the same way about making friends online vs irl. I have had quite a few conversations with friends online where they have admitted to me that they feel as if online relationships have "spoiled" their ability to enjoy real-life friends, since for many of us it is so much easier to find people who share our traits and interests online than in our immediate environment… especially if you are someone who lives in a rural area.
