Discussion what does the phrase "I love you" mean to you?

[watashiwastar]

it means nothing to me personally. i feel nothing, really. in the sense that the concept of love cannot be understood through a phrase as simple as "I love you". we have entire languages at our disposal, and yet this is the phrase we choose to repeat to our partners?

i don't expect everyone to be a poet, but it is funny how trite the typical conventions of romance are to me.

i am a rather avoidant person, so i would like to hear other people's thoughts on this phrase.

 

[copioushopelessness]

Means nothing when the people who've said it to me abused me. How quickly one can go from I hate you to I love you then back around again. I hate the cycle.
Like you said, all these words and that's all we can come up with and other cliché phrases.

 

[watashiwastar]

this.
a phrase a person tells you to abuse you.
or, a phrase a person impetuously tells you, while they themselves have no understanding of it.

 

[LonelyPrince]

it means nothing to me personally. i feel nothing, really. in the sense that the concept of love cannot be understood through a phrase as simple as "I love you". we have entire languages at our disposal, and yet this is the phrase we choose to repeat to our partners?

i don't expect everyone to be a poet, but it is funny how trite the typical conventions of romance are to me.

i am a rather avoidant person, so i would like to hear other people's thoughts on this phrase.

It means nothing to me either. When people say it to me, I don't feel anything. It just feels like a formal greeting. I think it's just me though: after being let down so many times.
Love Is shown through actions, not words.

 

[takuyangel]

usually a lie . a gesture of reassurance and projection, as the person saying it probably just wants to hear it back. i wish it held as much meaning as it did in movies.

 

[Reeds]

It doesn't mean anything to me either! It makes other people happy though, so I guess I'm grateful how easy it is to use those words.

 

[TrulyNeverCertain]

It's really hard to pin down.
Family members seem to just say it to each other, almost like a familial greeting.

But for me, if I were to say it to someone, it would probably be to someone I deeply and truly cared about. Someone I had known for a very long time, and had an incredible amount of faith and trust in. Not really something I say because there's not someone I can honestly say it to.
Edit: So a ride-or-die best friend, or a very good romantic partner

 

[Forveleth]

"I am saying this to emotionally manipulate you into living the life I want you to live"

 

[FoxSauce]

Depends who is from
My mom doesnt mean much but idk

Somewhat over the years people over use the word.

I hit you and manipulate you but I still love you tho-

 

[kitkatt]

Words mean nothing to most. My own parents who told me they loved me did vile things to me in the name of "love". Love to me is patterns I can recall and find comfort in even when my mind is spinning. It's when my friend remembers my order at the coffee shop. It's my roommates family taking in the kid no one ever wanted and giving me my first holidays I actually felt wanted. I'll probably never have the love that I truly want the one my gay little poet heart yearns for but oh well I guess

 

[Pluto]

 

[itsgone2]

I love my child but I don't think I ever really understood love. My family didn't show it. I was likely doomed. But I think it means something else to "normal" people. They must truly love so much

 

[pax420]

Somebody wants something. It's the most miss used phrase in the English language. Right next to 'im sorry'.

 

[Karrikin]

Means everything depending on who says it.

 

[ladidabi]

Actions speak louder than words in my opinion. Anyone can say "I love you", but the question is do they mean it? If so, why do I think they do besides the fact they've said it? Most people who have told me this are either people I barely know, or someone who has treated me in a way that has really hurt me, and don't want to acknowledge their wrongdoings.

Maybe the opposite extreme but I see it like being told "I will kill you", doesn't really mean much from most people.

Love is supposed to feel safe and predictable.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I only really hear it from my Dad. On the one hand, it's habit. It's how we tend to end a phonecall. I think it is genuine to some extent. We do care a great deal about one another. It's also somewhat a reminder/ insistance to keep myself safe because- I think to some degree- he must know how I feel and he doesn't want to go through the grief of losing me.

The weirder one is _______ sends their love. Sometimes it's about a person where there is mutual hate between us! There's no way they would be sending their love or even, well wishes. So- it's also used as this reminder that I ought to 'love' my step family in return. Whereas in reality- I doubt there's much love in either direction. More like tolerance- for his sake.

I hear my neighbour's children shout it to their Mum as they leave for school or whatever else. I think that's kind of sweet because- I suspect they do actually mean it. In that regard- I think it's a way to express thanks, connection and need really. That they love them- and therefore, need them to be there for them when they get back home.

I've occassionally said to very good friends I think- that I loved them like family. Because, I did. That was genuine though. That I wanted to express how much they meant to me.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

Words mean nothing without actions alongside them. I've been told that too much to matter unless I have prior experience with the type of person you are.

 

[Always-in-trouble]

Somebody wants something. It's the most miss used phrase in the English language. Right next to 'im sorry'.

Oh god, I am an exemplar of saying sorry over and over again. Such a habit for me whenever I do something wrong.

 

[MrJoker789]

I didn't really hear it growing up from what I can remember. Not something that was really said in my family.
Had one girlfriend who said it to me and me back
Recently made a good friend online. Known this person for about 7 months now and they tell me they love me.
It was so weird at first, but I guess it kind of feels good to hear
If they really mean it .. I dont know.
I know I make them less lonely, by being available to talk to them when they need it

 

[nitrogenous]

depends on who says it, but based on my trauma and upbringing, often times they're used to guilt trip me, to make me feel bad despite being treated poorly/abused. If it's other people saying it, I would have suspicions that it's not real, they don't mean it. I want people to show that they love and care about me, more than words.

 

[TwistedNightmares]

I get told this phrase so many times by my narcissistic mother that the phrase has basically lost its meaning for me. She would also usually tell me "I love you" right after abusing me/guilt tripping/gaslighting me etc, so I have some pretty bad memories connected to this phrase in general.

 

[aurevoir]

That depends who's saying it. I have one person in my life who gives "I love you" a whole new meaning. When they say it, it means "I support you. I want what's best for you even if that inconveniences me. I'll sit with you in your shit and I'll share with you when I'm going through my own." Unfortunately, "I love you" from anyone else in my life comes with expectations and pressures and entitlement. Almost like them saying they love me gives them permission to treat me however they want to without consideration for how it makes me feel.

 

[princexhhn]

They're just words, anyone can say it. I've said it to people I didn't love. Sometimes I hear it next to an apology, sometimes in a fleeting moment. They think saying that is enough and I'm supposed to still believe that they do when their actions don't match up. It's different for other people in my life though, the ones that I know actually love me. I actually feel it when they say it because they also act like they do love me. Words are meaningless on their own, it's so easy to lie. You could be getting told "I love you" and then a month or so later "I don't know how I feel". I don't think I could ever trust a person again if they did that to me.

 

[Apathy79]

3 words I've always had a really hard time saying for some reason. I don't think I've ever said them to anyone in my family. But I hope they know it anyway.

 

[left0vers]

The first time I heard it from a guy, he said it to me after two weeks of talking and having one sleepover together, on which he was horny the whole time. It dawned on me that this word is more likely to signal active libido than anything meaningful.

 

[SoLowHollow48]

Maybe it's a cultural thing but it's kinda weird when we say "i love you" in a platonic context. There is "aku cinta kamu" which couples say to each other. Then, there is "aku sayang kamu" which can be applied to a much broader group of people.

To me, when somebody said this, they really don't know what they've gotten themselves into--the devotion I demanded, the amount of tolerance I expected, and the strength I wanted them to have to carry my burdensome self.

Unlucky bastards.

 

[dreaming]

I think there are two main use cases
there are truly loving people who don't know how else to express love, so they use it
there are also manipulators, who also don't know how to express love, so they use it

I try to avoid using the phase "I love you" because it's been used to manipulate me multiple times before
I wish I could find more expressive words to remind someone of my affection, but I'm very direct as of late and bad at finding anything meaningful to say period

 

[Redacted.Audio]

"I love you" has always meant something to me, even when people say it and hurt me right after
It feels like someone acknowledging that I exist, and that they care about me more than if I was just some random person
When I say it to someone, I say it because I care about them more than I care about some random person
I say it because I care for them deeply, be it a friend or family member or a partner
even if they hurt me
because I still care

 

[Asya]

"I love you" has always meant something to me, even when people say it and hurt me right after
It feels like someone acknowledging that I exist, and that they care about me more than if I was just some random person
When I say it to someone, I say it because I care about them more than I care about some random person
I say it because I care for them deeply, be it a friend or family member or a partner
even if they hurt me
because I still care

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[XxEstenxX]

"I'm gonna leave you eventually, so enjoy the moments we have together before I go."