What does "it's okay to be sad" even mean?

[fleetingnight]

I just saw a "mental health" post that made me so angry, I almost want to share the screenshot here...but I don't wanna put the artist on blast, so I'll just describe it. It said "it's okay to be sad forever" with a silly, colorful illustration. It wasn't ironic or dark humor, it was on a mental health account.

It made me realize, I never get what people mean when they say this. What do you mean, "It's okay to be sad?" What does "it's okay" even mean? Is it supposed to be okay with ME? I won't be "okay," I'll be sad, obviously, lol. Am I missing something?

People say things like "it's okay to not be okay." If they mean to say that you shouldn't feel ASHAMED of not being okay, I agree. But I don't get what they mean by it's "okay." I feel bad, so I'm suffering, so everything is more difficult. What do you mean, "it's okay?" That I should be okay with that, somehow?

It's like when people say "accept yourself." I don't get that, either. Sure, fine, I'll accept who I am. The person I am is, imo, annoying, insufferable, and not someone I'd like to talk to. But, that's who I am, I accept it. So, what now? Am I supposed to feel better? Is a normal person able to think, "I accept that my life is painful," and somehow, that makes them feel better? The pain isn't reduced, so how is it any different at all?

Ugh, I don't think I explained what I meant very well. I'm sorry if this post sounds like nonsense. To be honest, this whole concept is nonsense to me, so it's hard for me to even explain my problem with it.

 

[Saturn_]

It's okay to have depression. So long as it is never an inconvenience to anyone, so long as you never ask for too much, so long as you never rock the boat, so long as you are always passive and meek to the people who make you feel this way in the first place, so long as you minimize your disgusting illness to the eyes of the public at all times... it's okay to be sad.

 

[leloyon]

It's okay to have depression. So long as it is never an inconvenience to anyone, so long as you never ask for too much, so long as you never rock the boat, so long as you are always passive and meek to the people who make you feel this way in the first place, so long as you minimize your disgusting illness to the eyes of the public at all times... it's okay to be sad.

No, it's okay to have depression, as long as it's that depression where you feel sad and cry for a week and it's for a reason we deem justified.
Oh, what's that, you feel depressed all the time? Don't you know people have it worse than you? Get out of bed, lazy, just making excuses!
...mental health isn't accepted, we've just started calling normal emotions mental illnesses. No one is sad, they're now depressed. No one is worried, they're anxious. No one has a bad experience anymore, it's all trauma. No one is just a perfectionist, or a clean freak, they have OCD. As someone who has all aforementioned problems clinically, it really fucks with my head. They're making a mockery out of shit that always has and will continue to ruin my life.
I wish we could just go back to the time when they were giving us lobotomies and electric shocks. At least then, in their own sick way, we were at least acknowledged as sick, that this was something that wasn't okay, and no one was trying to appropriate it.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I don't know what they mean and it also angers me to no end. I always hated that sort of phrasing. That and "you're seen, you're loved". You don't even know me!!! Seen? You can't physically see me and even if you could, why would I care? Loved? You don't know me nor my life and you certainly don't love me since we're strangers.

It's just empty words that make pro lifers feel like oh such good samaritans. Sickens me and angers me like nothing else.

 

[damyon]

I think they mean that being sad is a natural reaction to certain situations. For example, it's normal to feel sad when a loved one passes away.
Similarly, it's normal to feel angry when you lose a race (or see a triggering post), for example...

 

[Forveleth]

The "it's okay" means don't be ashamed. Most people only show their best moments on the internet so we have forgotten as a society that sadness or any negative emotion are natural. Many kids (and adults) these days think there is something wrong with them because their lives aren't the ideal perfection that influencers portray on social media. We are to the point that we have to actively remind ourselves that you don't have to be happy 24/7, you don't have to appear happy 24/7, and it is not natural to be happy 24/7.

Now, you stated the post said "it's okay to be sad forever" which is no bueno. Life should be a balance of sadness and happiness. Humans weren't meant to be stuck at either extreme their entire lives. Being sad "forever" just sounds like depression and, while it's ok to accept that one has depression, it's not "okay" to be sad forever in the sense that it leads to a drastically diminished quality of life. For example, I'm ok with being diagnosed with depression but I am not ok that said depression stops me from doing a lot of things and I am trying to work to overcome some obstacles caused by depression.

Hopefully this makes a bit of sense.

 

[fleetingnight]

I don't know what they mean and it also angers me to no end. I always hated that sort of phrasing. That and "you're seen, you're loved".

I'm at least glad it's not just me, I find all of those confusing. I try not to be too hard on people who don't know what to say, even if it bothers me, as long as they genuinely mean well. But when it's just an infographic or something, I think you shouldn't bother if you have nothing to say

I think they mean that being sad is a natural reaction to certain situations. For example, it's normal to feel sad when a loved one passes away.
Similarly, it's normal to feel angry when you lose a race (or see a triggering post), for example...

Oh, that makes more sense. Thank you. I guess they mean it like, "you're allowed to feel sad." That's a good message, but the wording threw me off

The "it's okay" means don't be ashamed. Most people only show their best moments on the internet so we have forgotten as a society that sadness or any negative emotion are natural. Many kids (and adults) these days think there is something wrong with them because their lives aren't the ideal perfection that influencers portray on social media. We are to the point that we have to actively remind ourselves that you don't have to be happy 24/7, you don't have to appear happy 24/7, and it is not natural to be happy 24/7.

Now, you stated the post said "it's okay to be sad forever" which is no bueno. Life should be a balance of sadness and happiness. Humans weren't meant to be stuck at either extreme their entire lives. Being sad "forever" just sounds like depression and, while it's ok to accept that one has depression, it's not "okay" to be sad forever in the sense that it leads to a drastically diminished quality of life. For example, I'm ok with being diagnosed with depression but I am not ok that said depression stops me from doing a lot of things and I am trying to work to overcome some obstacles caused by depression.

Hopefully this makes a bit of sense.

I think I understand now, thank you!<3 I didn't consider they meant "it's okay" as in, "you aren't doing anything wrong," and not as in, "it's fine that this is happening."

I think the "forever" is what threw me off more than anything - I can't imagine how someone could spin that in a positive way. If someone's sad their entire life, that's not their fault, but something's definitely wrong, whether it's depression, or something wrong with the world. I still don't know what they meant by that, but everything else makes a lot more sense now, thank you

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

It's a halfhearted attempt at expressing a shared experience. It's just used as a quippy way of saying "I've been sad before too so your sadness is not a bad thing" which sounds great and all but that's really just the bare minimum although maybe in some cultures it really wasn't okay to be sad before so now it has to be a big deal that it is? Idk.

 

[derpyderpins]

I think I understand now, thank you!<3 I didn't consider they meant "it's okay" as in, "you aren't doing anything wrong," and not as in, "it's fine that this is happening."

I think you've got it now, but adding to this: a lot of people grow up with people who will blame them and put them down for their emotions. My depression/sadness was always dismissed as a child. It was labeled "pouting," even if I was severely upset, making me feel like even if I had legitimate reasons to be sad and needed to work through those, it was not okay to feel and express that sadness - the emotion was "wrong." It's nice to be reminded that you aren't defective for having an emotion.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

It's to give yourself permission to feel bad. You'd be surprised how many people have the feeling they're not allowed to be vulnerable or falter in any way. In macho/male culture this is a common thing. In certain circles, medication or therapy implies that a person is weak or mentally unstable. And it's perhaps less relevant if you're young, since everyone's sort of depressed and still finding themselves. But if you're a parent for example, there's a lot of pressure on you to maintain stability and keep the household operational.

I don't hate the message because it's an important one, but can understand it might feel a bit generic when bandied about as part of a campaign or whatever.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I just saw a "mental health" post that made me so angry, I almost want to share the screenshot here...but I don't wanna put the artist on blast, so I'll just describe it. It said "it's okay to be sad forever" with a silly, colorful illustration. It wasn't ironic or dark humor, it was on a mental health account.

It made me realize, I never get what people mean when they say this. What do you mean, "It's okay to be sad?" What does "it's okay" even mean? Is it supposed to be okay with ME? I won't be "okay," I'll be sad, obviously, lol. Am I missing something?

People say things like "it's okay to not be okay." If they mean to say that you shouldn't feel ASHAMED of not being okay, I agree. But I don't get what they mean by it's "okay." I feel bad, so I'm suffering, so everything is more difficult. What do you mean, "it's okay?" That I should be okay with that, somehow?

It's like when people say "accept yourself." I don't get that, either. Sure, fine, I'll accept who I am. The person I am is, imo, annoying, insufferable, and not someone I'd like to talk to. But, that's who I am, I accept it. So, what now? Am I supposed to feel better? Is a normal person able to think, "I accept that my life is painful," and somehow, that makes them feel better? The pain isn't reduced, so how is it any different at all?

Ugh, I don't think I explained what I meant very well. I'm sorry if this post sounds like nonsense. To be honest, this whole concept is nonsense to me, so it's hard for me to even explain my problem with i

It means they are trying to normalise depression and mental illness because there is a ton of money to be made in it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I take it to mean- don't repress your emotions. Don't feel you have to put on a brave or happy face. It's ok to tell people you are struggling. Of course, in practice, it's all bullshit- unless you are extremely lucky. Plenty of people don't actually want to hear problems all the time. They likely won't choose to be around soneone who is down so often and- if you mention suicide, you risk an even more severe reaction. Possibly panic, possibly agression, possibly out right rejection because they can't handle it. So yeah- it may be 'ok' to be sad but it doesn't always turn out so well if you show it.

 

[Mirrory Me]