I see it as you've already given up on yourself but just stay around despite that even if you do want to CTB. I'm probably going to do that for a while and just have my quick exit at hand so if my life becomes unbearable I can just CTB.
You get it
To live at the behest of other people, not to live because you enjoy life.
What I'd like to call lifeless living!
Yeah- I feel like I'm treading water as best I can because I'm waiting for my Dad to go first. Truth be told- I'm not sure I'll have the guts to do it after that though...
For me- there has been a gradual shift over the past few years. In the past, I may have been more likely to challenge myself in terms of my career and life. Now, I just want to hide away. I still need to get by financially though. That's likely to be my biggest worry in future- it may well take me back into some wage slave job I hate. Still- that will push me more towards CTB I suppose. It's this weird limbo though- where, I don't have much intention to try and improve my life- I just need to try and get through it without it getting worse.
You know what, that's understandable, not about your dad,
but that does make me believe you really genuinely care for your father,
an that's kind of you to do that wait,
but do you think your idea on staying until he leaves is actually how you feel or want, or and I don't mean this with mlice, but a way to deflect?
I personally think I'm wrong on having that theory but just curious to see what you might think of that question, not that you need to obviously, anyhow I know I'd be quite conflicted on weather or not
I choose to stay for somone
I deeply care for
or
to choose what I'd call my own personal freedom, aka ctb,, diffrent for others but hopefully you get what im trying to relay but I'll stop now, thanks your sharing with me
