What does a survival instinct feel like?

[Carina]

I know, that probably doesn't make sense, and you probably can't imagine someone wondering what it's like.

But I'm honestly curious as to what it feels like, since I don't even know if I have one, or if I did, but I long since overrode it so it's basically switched to "off". Is it just an avoidance of pain, suffering, etc? Or is it actually trying to survive without thought to those?

Like say if you're in a room where the ceiling is collapsing, and you're barefoot, and the hallway is covered in broken glass and there was no guarantee you'd make it out of it as the roof there would collapse and follow you (like in a movie where you stole from some tomb and the trap was unleashed). You have seconds to decide whether to run down the hallway, having extreme pain and possibly dieing, or dieing.

Which way would a survival instinct lead you?

And just assuming you, not like your family/pets/etc were at the end of the hallway or anything--strictly just you, certain death, or pain/suffering with possible death being the two options.


I've said before that if someone said 4 bottles were poisoned, 1 wasn't--I'd down one bottle as ask for another just to make sure. But I got something in the mail today, and without realizing it, I was twirling it around in my hand, playing with it, and my entire brain was focused on just.... well let's just say a ding on the computer that broke my focus was good, and it's currently hidden from myself (ok it's just put up, so I don't play with it), before that, everything else that would've stopped me went away, I forgot I had cats, I forgot my mom existed, I didn't even realize that a world existed outside my room--that focused, that nothing else entered my thoughts, until the ding, and everything flashed back, then it still took a few conscious thoughts to put it back down.

So I just don't understand this survival instinct feeling. I can't picture me having that happen frequently over my life so much, and actually have one.

Anyway I was just curious if people who were willing or able to describe it?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I think that I have a high SI. I dont know if it's related to reflexes and in situations that i interpret as a dangerous situation I start to feel my heart in my neck and try to avoid it. I think it will be difficult to me after drink the SN. I'm so fucked up. I just want to sleep and never wake up.

 

[Tortured_empath]

It's mixture of fear of eternal oblivion. Like my mind literally can't grasp it. And I don't have an active death wish per se, I wish that I could live a happy, healthy and fulfilled life, but that's almost impossible for me, but somehow I'm still stuck wishing for it, not wanting to let go. Granted my life has been pretty decent before, very enjoyable actually... so I have something to compare it to.

 

[R_N]

Panic. That is how I see it.

 

[BipolarExpat]

I think SI's effects (like nearly all things) will vary by person. It'll be dependent on:
- what you have that your leaving behind
- current mental state
- how prone you are to fear/anxiety
- sober, medicated or intoxicated
and probably a host of other things having to do with the deepest parts of who and what you are. Experiences, cultural attitudes, belief systems, neurological makeup, etc.

For instance, when some people arrive at a very high jumping spot, their legs freeze or "cement" and they're unable to physically move them towards a likely death. Others don't get that exact feeling but back out nonetheless while others lean forward precariously and fall. Still others have the ability to run energetically and leap into a diving position.
Did they all have some level of SI going in(?)
I'd imagine so...

 

[Carina]

Panic. That is how I see it.

I panicked once when I had an emergency surgery to save my life--mainly as I thought I was fine, and then surgery, then the surgeon was honest and told me to prepare for not waking up. And then I didn't have a second to myself, or my thoughts, I was bombarded with questions, I even asked "can't I just have a few minutes alone??" And everything I saw, as I was being pushed to the er I was like "oh look at that light-it's pretty, no no no nono! go slower, doors, no not yet I liked the ceiling tile!... ok table... they'll ask me to move, I can buy a few.... NO! why did you move me!" all in my head. I think they dosed me with something and had a nurse get me to focus on her as i was pretty much in a panic attack I think.

I just hated that when I could die was taken from me. I had a few regrets, but no time to prepare. And I did have a thought of "please do let this be the last thing I see" right before they knocked me out. After I woke, I changed direction in my job, fixed all the regrets I had, and now I have none.... ok one. I have one. But I can't do anything about that ever so it'll just stay.


Maybe that is really one? I don't know now. I never thought of panic as being a possibility. And I always viewed that as a not having a choice, being out of the blue, but given warning so you could quickly go through stages in your head so the outcome was uncertain, and then with all the possibilities of complications, and me not having any control. Maybe it was because I didn't have control in my life before that and was debating on what to do, and then that totally took it out of my hands. Still kind of do think it was the not having a choice being my issue---but I definitely was panicking.

 

[Sensei]

Something I find interesting is that the survival instinct can be supressed with willpower. My mind has supressed my survival instinct when I've thought I'd die, but that's only been instinctive to save myself from agony, I believe. What I have in mind is rather people who can stare death in the eye and not flinch: Zen Buddhist monks, kamikaze pilots, death row inmates, arditi, suicide bombers, and what have you. Some have learned to accept death, some die for a cause, some want to die with dignity, some want to show bravery, some simply don't seem to give a f**k. It actually seems that it's easier to supress your survival instinct if you don't plan to die by your own hand.

 

[Tearygirl]

I have a really high SI. It makes me irrational. I become afraid of afterlife even I don't believe it. I'm sure there isn't one, but I feel afraid. Also afraid of failure. There is no guaranteed way of suicide, except euthanasia. I might awake in a hospital, and forced to stay there, or worse, even can be a vegetable. I'm afraid for all of this.

 

[Xebsora29]

I know, that probably doesn't make sense, and you probably can't imagine someone wondering what it's like.

But I'm honestly curious as to what it feels like, since I don't even know if I have one, or if I did, but I long since overrode it so it's basically switched to "off". Is it just an avoidance of pain, suffering, etc? Or is it actually trying to survive without thought to those?

Like say if you're in a room where the ceiling is collapsing, and you're barefoot, and the hallway is covered in broken glass and there was no guarantee you'd make it out of it as the roof there would collapse and follow you (like in a movie where you stole from some tomb and the trap was unleashed). You have seconds to decide whether to run down the hallway, having extreme pain and possibly dieing, or dieing.

Which way would a survival instinct lead you?

And just assuming you, not like your family/pets/etc were at the end of the hallway or anything--strictly just you, certain death, or pain/suffering with possible death being the two options.


I've said before that if someone said 4 bottles were poisoned, 1 wasn't--I'd down one bottle as ask for another just to make sure. But I got something in the mail today, and without realizing it, I was twirling it around in my hand, playing with it, and my entire brain was focused on just.... well let's just say a ding on the computer that broke my focus was good, and it's currently hidden from myself (ok it's just put up, so I don't play with it), before that, everything else that would've stopped me went away, I forgot I had cats, I forgot my mom existed, I didn't even realize that a world existed outside my room--that focused, that nothing else entered my thoughts, until the ding, and everything flashed back, then it still took a few conscious thoughts to put it back down.

So I just don't understand this survival instinct feeling. I can't picture me having that happen frequently over my life so much, and actually have one.

Anyway I was just curious if people who were willing or able to describe it?

Survival instinct is a component of panic, fear, becoming apprehensive, and alarmed of whats to come next. Its that instinctive feeling that is essential for our survival. Our body reacts before our conscious mind has even registered the danger and adrenaline floods the body preparing us to fight or run.

Consequently, its one of the prime contributors that prevents individuals from ultimately ending their lives or attempting risks.

I tried partial hanging multiple times, even practiced. Thought I had it all, that nothing was going to prevent me from committing the attempt. I was so determined that I finally felt the burdens reducing one by one. Told myself I wouldn't have to worry about the pain, agony, and adversities that were becoming more apparent in my life. I felt nervous, worried, but a sense of good came over me. I was so close, and yet I failed. There were previous attempts that I failed due to my lack of knowledge from the instructions.

The others were due to that survival instinct.

I remember my mind going blank, head getting dizzy, and more blood flood to my head. I was going to black out and I started to lose air. I couldn't breathe tbh. Before I knew it, a massive sense of feeling overcame me and I wasn't aware of what actions I was attempting from that point on. It was like instinct, telling me to stop. As much as I tried to fight it and discard that instinct, I couldn't.

Conclusion note, it takes a tremendous amount of will power to succeed. I'm not sure how the deceased that committed suicide did it and not aware of what actions were necessary. If I could, I would ask them.

Human survival instinct is a powerful drive that is wired in our minds and to be quite honest, I absolutely hate it.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

Being able to commit suicide requires a lot of courage, willpower to get through and as long as it's well planned it will succeed eventually. The stronger the urge, the more willpower will increase over time.

 

[diewahreart]

It's mixture of fear of eternal oblivion. Like my mind literally can't grasp it. And I don't have an active death wish per se, I wish that I could live a happy, healthy and fulfilled life, but that's almost impossible for me, but somehow I'm still stuck wishing for it, not wanting to let go. Granted my life has been pretty decent before, very enjoyable actually... so I have something to compare it to.

That's how I feel (except I do have a death wish), I keep trying to imagine my consciousness no longer existing, and I can't comprehend it.

Timetobitethedust, you also took the words out of my mouth. I'm planning on ctb via the nighty-night method; according to what I've read here, it is not supposed to be painful; I'll just lose consciousness. But I'm scared of physically harming myself, and scared of pain. I wish I could do it by just going to sleep too.

Survival instinct is a component of panic, fear, becoming apprehensive, and alarmed of whats to come next. Its that instinctive feeling that is essential for our survival. Our body reacts before our conscious mind has even registered the danger and adrenaline floods the body preparing us to fight or run.

Consequently, its one of the prime contributors that prevents individuals from ultimately ending their lives or attempting risks.

I tried partial hanging multiple times, even practiced. Thought I had it all, that nothing was going to prevent me from committing the attempt. I was so determined that I finally felt the burdens reducing one by one. Told myself I wouldn't have to worry about the pain, agony, and adversities that were becoming more apparent in my life. I felt nervous, worried, but a sense of good came over me. I was so close, and yet I failed. There were previous attempts that I failed due to my lack of knowledge from the instructions.

The others were due to that survival instinct.

I remember my mind going blank, head getting dizzy, and more blood flood to my head. I was going to black out and I started to lose air. I couldn't breathe tbh. Before I knew it, a massive sense of feeling overcame me and I wasn't aware of what actions I was attempting from that point on. It was like instinct, telling me to stop. As much as I tried to fight it and discard that instinct, I couldn't.

Conclusion note, it takes a tremendous amount of will power to succeed. I'm not sure how the deceased that committed suicide did it and not aware of what actions were necessary. If I could, I would ask them.

Human survival instinct is a powerful drive that is wired in our minds and to be quite honest, I absolutely hate it.

Xebsora29, I'm afraid that's what will happen with me when I try nighty-night. Maybe if I'm am super drunk that will help.

Ok, here's some input for that, doesn't really sound definite.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/does-alcohol-help-overcome-survival-instincts.8809/

 

[Carina]

Being able to commit suicide requires a lot of courage, willpower to get through and as long as it's well planned it will succeed eventually. The stronger the urge, the more willpower will increase over time.

I almost wonder if that's why people go for jumping, or like SN, or some methods, that once you start, as long as you hit one point, survival instinct or not--you're committed to the choice.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I almost wonder if that's why people go for jumping, or like SN, or some methods, that once you start, as long as you hit one point, survival instinct or not--you're committed to the choice.

Yeah that could be the reason. It would be more reasonable to use a method where you can't back out--using your own survival instinct against yourself in that situation.

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

The only true times my survival instinct has kicked in were the times I have tried to hang myself or the time I almost got myself hit by a train. I would describe it as the worst panic attack you could ever have, combined with the biggest surge of adrenaline imaginable. It's as if your cells are screaming at you to stay alive.

 

[diewahreart]

Yeah that could be the reason. It would be more reasonable to use a method where you can't back out--using your own survival instinct against yourself in that situation.

For that reason I sometimes fantasize about hiring someone to kill me, but not knowing when or where it will happen, so I won't have time for SI or panic to kick in.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

For that reason I sometimes fantasize about hiring someone to kill me, but not knowing when or where it will happen, so I won't have time to be afraid.

That would probably make it easier but I would still do it myself. I want to have the power to end my own life.

 

[ARW3N]

Those involved in suicide prevention are well aware of the survival instinct which they attempt to exploit in would-be suicides to deter them from the act. There's a suicidologist, Thomas Joiner, who theorises that the ability to die by suicide comes from a gradual desensitization to violence and a decreased fear of pain, combined with technical competence in one or more suicide methods. He makes it sound like some extremely gruelling army assault course. The fact is that vets euthanise pets painlessly everyday with pentobarbital and a sedative when necessary before the survival instinct kicks in. Unfortunately, suicides are denied such painless methods of death and have to face up to the survival instinct.

 

[Mr2005]

It's the reason you don't just grab a kitchen knife and plunge it into your chest

 

[Flume]

When you walk across the street and you think a car is about to hit you. The fear in you just before that happeneds... that's SI.

 

[BipolarExpat]

Stick your head underwater and try to will yourself to take a deep breath in.
That resistance...SI again.

 

[ARW3N]

Stick your head underwater and try to will yourself to take a deep breath in.
That resistance...SI again.

That's the reason why Virginia Woolf took her own life by filling her overcoat pockets with rocks before walking into the River Ouse. Woolf was an excellent swimmer and had to strangle her survival instinct.

 

[BipolarExpat]

That's the reason why Virginia Woolf took her own life by filling her overcoat pockets with rocks before walking into the River Ouse. Woolf was an excellent swimmer and had to strangle her survival instinct.

Still tho....the act of filling them with rocks and then walking....taking step after step as it gets deeper. That's conquering SI.

 

[diewahreart]

That's the reason why Virginia Woolf took her own life by filling her overcoat pockets with rocks before walking into the River Ouse. Woolf was an excellent swimmer and had to strangle her survival instinct.

+1 to what BipolarExpat said.
Yeah, I've always been amazed at the will power she had to do even that, enough to voluntarily commit to drowning. Urgh! Drowning seems to me a method with a very high suffering quotient. Certainly higher than jumping off a building, but maybe less than hanging?

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

The fact is that vets euthanise pets painlessly everyday with pentobarbital and a sedative when necessary before the survival instinct kicks in. Unfortunately, suicides are denied such painless methods of death and have to face up to the survival instinct.

I bet the SI really hits hard in the 45 minutes between Antiemetic and Drinking the N. I agree though humans should have the rite.

Imagine how many family members, unknowing civilians, and first responders would be saved from the trauma of finding some of the more gruesome suicides.

I think for humans knowing death is coming no matter how quick and peaceful will still trigger that SI.

But I can tell you first hand, it is like bootcamp, everyday that passes i feel less and less anxious and more ready. In a way I admire those people that can just wake up 1 morning and jump off a bridge.. i have no idea how they do it.

+1 to what BipolarExpat said.
Yeah, I've always been amazed at the will power she had to do even that, enough to voluntarily commit to drowning. Urgh! Drowning seems to me a method with a very high suffering quotient. Certainly higher than jumping off a building, but maybe less than hanging?

Any method that doesnt allow your lungs to expel carbon dioxide would be one of the worst ways to go in my opinion. I don't get how some accidental drowning survivors could explain it as peaceful, but I have read of people saying exactly that

 

[ARW3N]

+1 to what BipolarExpat said.
Yeah, I've always been amazed at the will power she had to do even that, enough to voluntarily commit to drowning. Urgh! Drowning seems to me a method with a very high suffering quotient. Certainly higher than jumping off a building, but maybe less than hanging?

There's a very impressive 2002 psychological drama film called The Hours starring Nicole Kidman as Virginia Woolf which depicts her suicide by drowning in both its opening and final scenes. Both these scenes are available as movie clips on YouTube. Woolf is not the only suicide in the film which does a fine job by not glamourising or passing judgement on the act itself.

 

[chrijo]

Feels like a sadistic psycho killer running after you with a dull chainsaw.

 

[Epsilon0]

To me it was pure fear. Paralyzing fear. And nausea.

 

[Quinlor]

Afraid of suffering

 

[Sensei]

In a way I admire those people that can just wake up 1 morning and jump off a bridge.. i have no idea how they do it.

A disproportionate percentage of all suicide candidates are bipolar, which often means that they are impulsive as well. So-called retro-diagnoses have come to the conclusion that the above mentioned Virginia Woolf probably was bipolar.

 

[Carina]

A disproportionate percentage of all suicide candidates are bipolar, which often means that they are impulsive as well. So-called retro-diagnoses have come to the conclusion that the above mentioned Virginia Woolf probably was bipolar.

You say impulsive.... would that include waking up one day, and then maybe deciding to meet, and sleep with 3 people you just met that day? Or different types of impulsiveness? Or just like the jumping thing?