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Phosphophyllite

Phosphophyllite

3.5
Aug 8, 2021
39
I can't enjoy most of the things I used to love anymore, but what still give me joy are my art and my stories. I've been drawing & writing ever since I was a child; it always gives me comfort, even now when I'm at the lowest point of my life.

One of the things I want to do, before I leave this life and this world, is to finish as much as I can. I have a few incomplete stories that I've spent a lot of time & energy writing and drawing about, so they're very personal to me. I love all of the characters, plots, & worlds I've created so far, and I feel connected to them. Unfortunately, my works will probably never see the light of day as living is simply too painful for me now. But I'm not doing this for the world, I'm doing this for me. So, I will continue to work on my stories up until my final day. Even if I never see how they will end, what I've already created is something I'm proud of and I can die knowing that. I like to think of it as a rebellion of sorts against the universe; life has took many things from me, but it will never take my passion for creativity.

What about you?
 
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BeansOfRequirement

BeansOfRequirement

Man-child, loser, autistic, etc.
Jan 26, 2021
5,801
Complete my omega male grindset nofap challenge.
 
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-FrozenRobot-

-FrozenRobot-

Let me go...please
Jul 27, 2021
218
I made a friend from Croatia. She found me when I was at the lowest point in my life. I want to meet her in person and give her a hug and than her for everything before I CTB.
I made a friend from Croatia. She found me when I was at the lowest point in my life. I want to meet her in person and give her a hug and than her for everything before I CTB.
 
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meetapple

meetapple

Mage
Jun 3, 2021
585
I would like to pass an actuarial exam, get a normal job, and live out on my own.
 
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Flare

Flare

Stormbound
Jul 18, 2021
26
Grow old.

That is to say, the only thing I want is to take back control of my life and not have to CTB in the first place.
Somehow I doubt that'll ever happen though.

But if I had to do it tomorrow and had to do something today it'd be, I don't know, maybe rent a motorcycle and go on a long trip on it? That'd sound like a cool thing to do
 
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siray

siray

the crucified
Dec 28, 2018
178
These are my last few weeks of life, I smoke joints with my brother and cousins and we play fifa 21 together daily and enjoy good food and laughter. It makes me forget about my misery for 6-8 hours everyday, until I come home so exhausted I sleep in an hour.

I had planned to see or do other meaningful stuff but my depression won't let me feel any joy. Quality family time and joyous moments are what I need during my last days before I ctb.
 
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rockstar

rockstar

Member
Aug 26, 2021
9
Spend a day with my fiancé…
 
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Anxieyote

Anxieyote

Sobriety over everything else • 31 • Midwest
Mar 24, 2021
444
I just want to make sure my suicide note is well-written, and comprehensive before I CTB. That note will be my legacy, so it's very important to me.

It would be a shame if I didn't take the time to document my thoughts before I die, so I just want to make sure I don't spontaneously do it out of intense fear or pain. I came close a few nights, but I stopped myself because the note hadn't been written.

I also want to make sure my parents have access to all my social media accounts when I die so that they can see who I really was. It might be painful for them, but it's important to me that they can at least find that part of myself after my death.
 
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demuic

demuic

Life was a mistake
Sep 12, 2020
1,383
I want to finish several video games and anime that I haven't had the energy to complete. I usually put things off because I don't like seeing the ending of things, but since my life will end, I guess it's finally time.
 
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U

user_name_here

N/A
May 16, 2021
315
I just don't care anymore.

Game Dev was something I was fully set on but I just don't care anymore.

I wish could.
 
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A_miStake_of_NATURE

A_miStake_of_NATURE

I wish no one had to CTB..........
Aug 14, 2020
703
Maybe feel some true happiness….. although it's not something that you do……
 
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trewer

trewer

Member
Aug 4, 2021
23
Record my music
 
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RedEther

RedEther

Member
Sep 3, 2021
92
I want to try everything I can to make things work, so I can go with no regrets. The likely hood of it happening his low so the depression is high AF
 
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A_miStake_of_NATURE

A_miStake_of_NATURE

I wish no one had to CTB..........
Aug 14, 2020
703
I want to try everything I can to make things work, so I can go with no regrets. The likely hood of it happening his low so the depression is high AF
I hope you can make this dream come true!!!
 
AtMostOkay

AtMostOkay

Screw your courage to the sticking place.
Jun 29, 2021
926
Before I go, I will live. I want to be present for the people who love and need me. I want to have raucous fun, to feel alive even in fleeting moments. Too much to ask?
 
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aviation

aviation

It's time to go home.
Jul 30, 2021
127
I've done everything that is part of my path here. All that is left is making needed preparations to leave, writing final letters, and ensuring that what I'm leaving behind is safe.
 
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rosie93

rosie93

Student
Aug 28, 2021
152
Drink poison.
 
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G

Gena

Member
Jan 27, 2019
30
Make peace with God
 
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seabed

seabed

Member
Mar 30, 2021
18
I would just chill for a while
 
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rosie93

rosie93

Student
Aug 28, 2021
152
Oh, and have a good night's sleep with all my dreams coming true.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,274
There is nothing left for me here. In a way I am already dead. Just preparing notes and method. I wish I could just disappear and not have to even experience dying. My life is so empty and depressing. There is no point to doing anything, nothing brings me enjoyment.
 
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Reactions: BitterlyAlive_, Pisceslilith, AtMostOkay and 6 others
B

Bxbrowler

Member
May 19, 2021
26
I can't enjoy most of the things I used to love anymore, but what still give me joy are my art and my stories. I've been drawing & writing ever since I was a child; it always gives me comfort, even now when I'm at the lowest point of my life.

One of the things I want to do, before I leave this life and this world, is to finish as much as I can. I have a few incomplete stories that I've spent a lot of time & energy writing and drawing about, so they're very personal to me. I love all of the characters, plots, & worlds I've created so far, and I feel connected to them. Unfortunately, my works will probably never see the light of day as living is simply too painful for me now. But I'm not doing this for the world, I'm doing this for me. So, I will continue to work on my stories up until my final day. Even if I never see how they will end, what I've already created is something I'm proud of and I can die knowing that. I like to think of it as a rebellion of sorts against the universe; life has took many things from me, but it will never take my passion for creativity.

What about you?
I myself am a heavy reader....I would love the opertunity to
 
BeautifulMosaics

BeautifulMosaics

Specialist
Aug 15, 2021
310
Sounds depressing but..... nothing.

Just tired, fed up and want to go. Probably I'll look at a beautiful view and people-watch for a bit. Take in the living before I die. As much as I feel I can't "do" life - it is beautiful to me (in its nature, not really in practicality a lot of the time).

I might also compile my poetry and music that I've written and am proud of and put it in a youtube video incase the website ever gets taken down. I've always thought/known that was the true me (artistic, writer, musician, poet, singer) but I could never get anything started and find the mental energy.
 
Last edited:
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C

Cuppatea856

Member
May 27, 2020
60
Nothing. I don't care about anything anymore.
 
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WrongPlaceWrongTime

WrongPlaceWrongTime

Better never to have been
Jul 4, 2021
695
If my brother completes the purchase of a new house, I would like to help pay off his mortgage since I would be listed as the co-owner of the house. Not sure if I can actually pull this off, since its a 30-year mortgage and I don't plan on living that long.
 
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I

irememberinnocence

Student
Jun 10, 2020
128
I can't enjoy most of the things I used to love anymore, but what still give me joy are my art and my stories. I've been drawing & writing ever since I was a child; it always gives me comfort, even now when I'm at the lowest point of my life.

One of the things I want to do, before I leave this life and this world, is to finish as much as I can. I have a few incomplete stories that I've spent a lot of time & energy writing and drawing about, so they're very personal to me. I love all of the characters, plots, & worlds I've created so far, and I feel connected to them. Unfortunately, my works will probably never see the light of day as living is simply too painful for me now. But I'm not doing this for the world, I'm doing this for me. So, I will continue to work on my stories up until my final day. Even if I never see how they will end, what I've already created is something I'm proud of and I can die knowing that. I like to think of it as a rebellion of sorts against the universe; life has took many things from me, but it will never take my passion for creativity.

What about you?
I'd like to write my life story and publish it. I am part way through writing it. Not sure I'll have the courage to publish it. I know some people wouldn't be happy with the secrets I'd be putting out there, but then again that's part of the point. Letting my voice finally be heard by making their abuse public. But the other reason I want to my life story out there is because there's no one that really does know the whole story of my life. It makes me feel lonely and invisible. I guess I want to be seen and heard before I go. I've had both a horrible and an extraordinary life.
 
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Zzzzz

Zzzzz

Nothing compares to the bliss of death.
Aug 8, 2018
879
There's honestly nothing I want to do that much. I have simply failed to ctb so far.
 
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